I'm so sorry to hear about your challenges hon...having recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I can relate to some of the challenges you face...although there's no doubt that your struggles have been much more complicated.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
A piece of advice I was given by a social worker and a psychiatrist that might also be of help to you is to look for groups in your area that are specific to others who have autism, and are in your age range. Imagine how the lonely feelings could ebb if you could find comfort associating with others around your age who understand what you're going through because they're going through it too?
Attempting suicide is not an answer...in fact, it may just make things worse.
If medication isn't working, how about therapy? Reading your posting, I think you're brilliant and brave...English isn't even your native language, and you write it like a pro!
Just remember that it's always darkest just before the dawn...but the dawn will come. It will come for me...and it will come for you too!
Thank you for answering. :smile:
I'm 14 years old.
I'm going to meet two kinds of therapists very soon. A speech therapist and another therapist who is going to make my difficulties less heavy.
I know suicide is a bad thing, but after 14 years without understanding what people are saying or thinking, I'm just so tired of the whole thing.
At school, my teachers have to deal with me 90% of the school day, and I get easily stressed and start rocking back and forth, and flapping my hands.
My classmates think I'm so peculiar. I'm in an ordinary class and there isn't even one single person in my class who's a little shy.
I eat special food and they ask me over and over again: "Why aren't you eating our food? Are you allergic? Do you have a disease?"
The problem is that I don't answer them. I tend to stare at the wall or into space. Not even my teachers can get into contact with me.
If somebody is too pushy, I start rocking, swinging, or curling into a ball.
And I can't help it! :dead:
I can't walk from asphalt to grass without getting support and help from my teachers. I can't go into new rooms, due to all new sensory impressions around me. I'm easily overwhelmed. Then I get really jumpy and ... yeah, start rocking of course.
I'm feeling worthless. :blub: