I guess that my best friend of 15 years has decided to stop talking with me. I see him on occasion at work, but other than that, he wont even return my calls. He was my last closest friend I could sort of talk to. That pretty much sums up my life. Except for my parents, I rarely talk with anyone, anymore, except at work. All I can think about and even dream about at night anymore is dying, and how to do it! I am just so tired of it all! Where do I go in life? I have no future! Last week, All I could do was to sit in my computer chair and think how nice it would be to actually die. I was soooo close to doing it then. I dont know why I didnt. I am broke, have more bills than I can afford, and the prospects of being forced by my job to a new location, miles away from my last support group, that being my parents. I honestly dont know how much longer I can take it all! I am so incredibly lonely that I curl up with a second pillow at night, just so I can dream and imagine that I am next to the woman of my dreams, which may never happen now. My stepsister, who is a nurse, told me a few days ago that I should change my depression medicine, but I couldnt tell her that I had stopped taking it months ago because I felt like I was a zombie, with no feelings, whatsoever. I couldnt laugh, I couldnt cry, I just felt like I wasnt really there. Almost like I was looking through the Lens of a TV camera without any feelings of what was happening around me. I have some serious thinking to do in the coming timeframe to decide what to do, and I honestly think that I am done!