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Am even more alone now!...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacob1973, May 29, 2010.

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  1. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I guess that my best friend of 15 years has decided to stop talking with me. I see him on occasion at work, but other than that, he wont even return my calls. He was my last closest friend I could sort of talk to. That pretty much sums up my life. Except for my parents, I rarely talk with anyone, anymore, except at work. All I can think about and even dream about at night anymore is dying, and how to do it! I am just so tired of it all! Where do I go in life? I have no future! Last week, All I could do was to sit in my computer chair and think how nice it would be to actually die. I was soooo close to doing it then. I dont know why I didnt.

    I am broke, have more bills than I can afford, and the prospects of being forced by my job to a new location, miles away from my last support group, that being my parents. I honestly dont know how much longer I can take it all! I am so incredibly lonely that I curl up with a second pillow at night, just so I can dream and imagine that I am next to the woman of my dreams, which may never happen now.

    My stepsister, who is a nurse, told me a few days ago that I should change my depression medicine, but I couldnt tell her that I had stopped taking it months ago because I felt like I was a zombie, with no feelings, whatsoever. I couldnt laugh, I couldnt cry, I just felt like I wasnt really there. Almost like I was looking through the Lens of a TV camera without any feelings of what was happening around me.

    I have some serious thinking to do in the coming timeframe to decide what to do, and I honestly think that I am done!
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey Jacob...I'm sorry you're not feeling to good...
    I agree you need to go to the GP and get yourself some new meds and see if you can find one that suits you....
    do you know why your friend doesn't talk to you??..maybe you could ask him what the problem is...
  3. Hey..I'm sorry you feel like this. I have been feeling pretty similar. If you ever need to talk I'm right here for you.
  4. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I am simply so ready to just die! My life is as good as a fart in the wind, and will disappear and be forgotten just as quick.

    I wish I had an opportunity to have a good life, but I am beyond depressed, beyond saving. :blub:

    I just start crying every time I seen a girl with a guy, and especially if they are kissing. I wish so badly that I had that girl in my life. But as nice of a guy as I am, it seems that I am just "too nice of a guy" for a girl to have any interest in. I am too overweight and looked at like a monster. :trolls:

    To add insult to misery, I got in an accident last month when I hit a deer. I almost wish I had died then.

    I just wish I could finally check out of this impossible world! I just dont know how!!! :cry:
  5. taond

    taond New Member

    Jacob I sympathise with you, as I was explaining to another forum member yesterday that I barely talk to anyone myself. I know how lonely it feels barely talking except to say 'morning' to my work colleges or anyone for that matter.

    In reference to your work is it possible to talk to your boss about staying where you are? if not it might be worth considering a change of job but at the end of the day it is your decision.

    I’m not sure what you can do about your bills to be honest but depending on what you decide to do with your job whether it a new one or not maybe consider prioritising the bills ( for example buying stores own brand or value food, using a pay as you go mobile (cell if you live in America) instead of a contract etc.). I know it’s not ideal.

    Anyway I’m overweight myself and trying to lose weight (Lost over 1.5st or 9.52 kg).

    Jacob I think you are on these forums because you are bore lonely then anything. If you are willing to lose weight and post your results here or even PM me I will do the same. That way we can do it together and gain more confidence. Good luck Jacob.
  6. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same fucking way as you Jacob. There are no benefits to loneliness. But I think visiting this site will help you find whatever it is you seek.
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