Am I a twisted disturbed person ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lonelymortal, Jan 4, 2009.

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  1. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    I don't plan on committing suicide anytime soon but I can see it happening in 5-15 years. Right now i'm just depressed, hopeless and tired of being a human trapped in a dangerous universe.
    I laugh when old people fall, I laugh when children cry(oh GOD I LOVE IT WHEN CHILDREN CRY), I laugh when people get run over by cars. I laugh when people die of overdoses and when people die in car crashes. I laugh when people get bullied like I used to a long time ago. It feels like i've been hurt so much my only purpose in this world is to inflict as much damage on others as I possibly can before I die.
    I don't plan on just killing myself. I plan on shooting someone or stabbing someone or getting some revenge and causing some suffering to others before I go. I feel like if i'm only going to get one shot at a horrible pathetic worthless existence I might as well get some joy out of hurting people around me. I'm not a big fan of trivial human concepts such as morality anymore. I see all humans as inherently selfish and prone to evil so with that said is it wrong to take people's lives in my own hands ? When there is no God to claim the throne a mortal may step up to the plate and play the role temporarily. What makes a human more valuable then a fly ? A lot of humans are stepped on like flies their whole lives. I feel like i'm going crazy. What is crazy ? What is evil ? What is right ? What is wrong ? I don't have a clue anymore
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2009
  2. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hi lonelymortal.
    I dont think you are twisted so much as very, very angry and hurt. You just want to hit back at people in general.
    Saying that, i do think you need to get professional help before you hurt someone else or yourself.

    Take care, lea x
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i think your more angry at the world in general than twisted or disturbed.

    leiaha is right with her suggestion about professional help as im convinced if you talked things out like you have done in this post then you might understand yourself and your problems a bit better :hug:
  4. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Ugh I probably do need some professional help. I think of myself as disturbed because i've been planning something evil for a while.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2009
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    WOAH! no,stop..think..dont do this:sad::sad:

    Please get the professional help you need hun :hug:

    Make an appt,soon please...

    I'm here if you need to talk x
  6. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Lately i've been at a point where i'm just thinking, thinking, thinking, wondering where my place is in the universe. I've been crushed, manipulated and destroyed so many times I'm not sure how to move forward. I plan on trying to get a good office job, possibly get married and try to live a relatively normal life but i'm not sure how well that's gonna turn out. :dry:
    Anyways thanks sweetheart I might PM you sometime :tongue:
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I dont think killing innocent people is the answer, if people did something to you and they deserve to die then maybe that is a better option, that is currently what I am struggling with, people most definetly deserve to die for what they have done to me but I dont want to go to jail and not sure if I want to die myself
  8. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I would like it if every man on the planet died off, but that is basically from a biological point of view, that now I have a low testosterone and I am basically on the bottom end of what is attractive to women, if I heard I was the last remaining guy and there were a bunch of women on the planet I would probably be happy

    actually I would be very happy, this world is bullshit and now I have to conform to it and be fucking miserable, if I was the only guy on the planet Id be free to do whatever the fuck I wanted, god do I wish this was the case
  9. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    lonelymortal, i know what you mean, i wonder at what is evil and good, and whether there is a point to my life and ask why should i do what everyone says and conform to everyone elses idea of being good and normal. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to go into my school with a gun and kill everyone in there, DONT WORRY I WONT DO IT, its just a thought. but yeah the feeling of meaningless and anger is something i understand. I think most people get on fine because they just focus on their lives and dont think about anything else and give no thought to it which is why their happy. In a way though, being intelligent and wondering about where you are in life and what patterns of belief are "right" and "true" makes you a good person as you are more observant, but it doesnt make you feel better


    But i think that like other people here have said you should get some help and try to find happiness in yourself to stop getting urges to attack others. Do you have fulfilling things in your life, that make you feel better like a job or family or friends? do you have therapy?
  10. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Sadly I have nothing fulfilling in my life at the moment. (Except internet, video games and marijuana lol). I plan on getting a decent job soon so I can support myself and I might make some friends in the future who knows. I can't afford therapy. It helps to know that people can relate though.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    As long as you don't act out your twisted thoughts, then you should be ok. Our actions are what really matter at the end of the day. For example, did you guys hear about the guy who dressed up like Santa Clause and shot and killed 9 people at his ex-wife's Christmas party and then burned the house down? I think it happened somewhere in California (not surprising). He then shot himself to death. I don't know what's wrong with society. The guy shouldn't have killed innocent people. They didn't deserve to die. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a teacher, I worry if a derranged student is going to shoot up my school someday, but thankfully, guns are hard to get legally in Canada.
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