Am I allowed to call myself "okay?" I can't help shake off the feeling that given the circumstances, the state of being okay, whatever that means, is supposed to be almost unattainable (or at the very least, hard to achieve.) But I am. (Right?) Everything around me is saying that I should be. Life hasn't stopped. Everyone around me, even the couple of souls who know, is moving on with their life. The person who has molested and later raped me on almost a nightly basis is gone from our house. My laughs are hollow and my smiles are strenuous but tears no longer escape me in the shadows of the night. Letting my skin bleed and other forms of self-harm brought on by self-hatred and, dare I admit it, even self-pity, have lost their appeal (and so have other interests, but why does it matter right?)I have responsibilities to carry out and expectations to meet. I have no time to be anything other than okay.So I like to think I am. (Am I?) I guess numb's the word for it, isn't it? But compared to what I've been through, numb is more than okay. Maybe I'm keeping it all in but how can I be sure? What's more confusing though is that I'm afraid of what being okay means and what it makes me.