Am I at risk?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dusk, Jan 25, 2012.

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  1. dusk

    dusk Active Member

    I don't know how serious I am. It's hard to assess when you're in the situation I guess. I want to write out what I'm feelings to get some feedback.

    I'm not really sure why I'm depressed. I don't have a reason to be. I have 2 great kids and a wonderful husband. They are the only things keeping me here. But I feel worthless and just plain miserable. I can't clean anymore. I'm irritable with my family, I sleep all day.

    I've been "suicidal" for about a month now. But the past few days it's gotten worse. I wrote out a suicide note just in case I decide to do it. I'm feeling more desensitized to the harm it would cause my family. I still think about the damage it would cause, but not nearly as much. I still have doubts though.

    What should I do? I can't go to the hospital again because of the weight it puts on my husband and family. They have to take off work in the middle of the day to take the kids to the babysitter, and get off work early to pick them up. So it's just not logical. My parents don't think I need to go to the hospital because they don't think I'm serious. The problem is I don't know how serious I am. I'm not one to be dramatic, so I'm not sure why they don't take me seriously.

    I'm sorry if this post is all over the place, I'm kind of in a panic.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is not possible for anyone to make a diagnosis in cyber...I think it is best that you speak to someone in a face to face context to explore your degree of risk...and also, please continue to post; it is always comforting to know others can relate to what you are experiencing and that they care
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I think you're at risk as long as you're thinking about killing yourself. You say your family doesn't take you seriously but you feel that you could hurt yourself, so it's a good idea to get help.
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in pain. I think most of us here are, so you can find plenty who identify with you.

    You mention that you don't want to put the (temporary) weight on your family of inconvenience of your being hospitalized, but the permanent pain and
    (permanent) inconvenience of losing you would be many, many times greater.

    I can't diagnose you, so the advice of a professional is needed. Keep in mind that depression is a disease, it strikes wealthy, successful, active people. People who have everything to be live for, and from the outside, seem to have enviable lives, can be tortured within by this disease.

    Please keep posting, we are a caring community, trying to help each other make it. We can support and encourage you. You can meet friends here, through the forum, the chat rooms, or if you desire a one-to-one conversation, pick someone out and send them a PM (private message).

    You're in a good place here, I think your family needs and wants you.
  5. Hewwy

    Hewwy Banned Member

    I'd like to echo what Lefty said, while you may consider yourself to be a burden if you asked to go to hosipital I do not think your husband or kids would see it that way. Sometimes we play ourselves down, what I mean by this is our mind can sometimes ignore the good we bring, the extent to which we lesser the suffering of others is difficult to judge for yourself.

    Looking at it rationally while you may see it as illogical for your husband to take time off, I think that your husband may see it the other way, for him it may be logical to invest the time and effort to ensure your safety and the wellbeing of your family.

    Like people say its very difficult to assess the sincerity of suicide claims online, for that I think you need to be trained (or at least be a natural) in discovering underlying emotions, for example micro expressions and body language and proper questioning. I would advocate seeking professional help, despite the "burden". If I was your husband, I would do anything I could possibly do to protect the family, despite the consequences.
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