Am I at the end of my road?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mma man, Nov 13, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    Ok well I'll start from where it all began... I was 19and met the women I soon after married things were going great and she started getting a bit controlling she has cheated on me two times that I know of but I could dent seem to leave her in between cheats..... My grand parents were a huge part of my life more so than my parents...I moved in with my grandma when I was 18 and we helped each other over the course of about a year I have had martial arts for my entire life and that seemed to help me release stress because my last girlfriend before I met my wife was in high school 4years prior.... So any way I know I'm jumping around a lot but it will make sense I guess..... Any way me and my grandparents moved to separate places and I went to love with a friend because I wanted to stay with my girlfriend so I went jobless for about 3 months the found a job and moved in withher and her parents then bounced from job to job my grandparents moved back after 6months and they wanted to spend time with me but that's when she kept saying I'm your fiancé I come first spend time with me and I blew them off a lot.... Then my grandfather died and I got a phone call in the morning saying get here now to my grandmothers house so I found him not breathing I called 911 and attempted CPR with no success about a month after that I started to train to peruse my dream of being an mma fighter zoo was going to fight about 6 month in to my training the fight got canceled due to my trainer and my grandmother died 3 days after I was supposed to fight and the devastated me I felt so guilty for pushing them away and still do after that my dad got out of jail and I got kicked out of my finances place so I got a one bedroom in some guys house my dad came to live with me for 2 months and I started going back over my finances parents house and spending the night that lead to moving back in and my dad got his own place so after about 4 months I finally had my first fight and lost because I worked security overnight then went to go fight after staying up for 2 dys in a row training nd working.... My trainers aid come work for me and quit your other job isqid hell yeah my dream come true I get to teach martial arts so I went to work for him and started making like a third of what I was making my fine went and cheated on me for the second time and I some how forgave her again a
    L....... I guess because I confronted everyone and they all had the same story they weren't alone they only made out and dry humped....... She then made me quit teaching because I had to go to tenasee for a certifacition and she could not go then my dad needed help with court this morning and I was his only hope of staying out of jail because he was living with me and he moved without notifying his probation officer so here I am my family what's left alive hated me now and. The only oned I had that would kill for me are dead and I'm constantly. Fearing my wife cheating again but I have no home or job currently and no vehicle I have attempted suicide before and failed those thoughts went away hers go but are back full force and I just feel that everyone would be better off without me..... I'm 21 with a wife who I can't trust and myfmily hated me and both my grandparents died this year what the hell did I do to deserve all this heartache and pain in my life I've spent all my life helping others. And now it seems like no one wants to help mew and my wife just says see I'm ll you have they only want to use you look they don't have your back when you don't have a job or money to eat but when they need something you run to help them........ So that's pretty much the summery of it ikAnow a lot to read and like most who cares I'm just another guy with problems that no one needs or cares about I just feel like my life has no purpos now I have no kids or anything just my wife and her parents now and her parents seem to still dislike me still......... And my father keeps txtzing me how I turned my back on him and how I hurt him deeper than I can ever imagine I hate my self I just want it to end
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2012
  2. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    To hell with it no one cares they just want to deal with the melo dramatic bs......... My days are very limited
     
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You waited 40 minutes for a reply and then get upset?
    It sounds like despite a lot of problems and roadblocks confronting you, that you do have a dream with a goal (relating to the martial arts). Succeeding in anything like that, just as experienced by actors, writers, artists, boxers, etc., can be a long road. Some fall into things easily (the whole who you know or being in the right place at the right time thing), but many must struggle to achieve what they seek. The challenges sometimes only make us stronger. If you'd like to discuss further and in more detail, with peer supported ears to listen and/or suggest ideas, you will definitely find support here on this site. Sometimes it takes a bit before people respond due to the time of day, or other things, but people do respond positively here. I hope you'll stick around.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just letting you know I care. :hug: You don't deserve to be cheated on, I've been there and it's a pain nobody deserves.

    Here if you want to talk!
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Mma - we do care honey, and are here to listen and lend support and help rekindle hope that things can become better. Situations like this can be turned around to be seen as opportunities to learn new skills. Skills to help you not get dumped on emotionally, and to be assertive. This will help you to regain self-respect, and feeling good about yourself will mean that you can be there for others, without allowing them to use you or dump their stuff on you (which is what I get the impression, your father is doing? (Of course, I don't know the details, so this is just my impression from what you've written hun).

    If you'd like to know more, I can PM you the name of where to get resources to listen to which will help you Mma
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Mma Man. I'm so sorry things have been so rough. I was cheated on too, and it's a lousy experience that no one deserves. It sounds like everyone wants you to make choices that are good for THEM without considering what is good for YOU. Perhaps you need some time to think through what YOU want, then set some goals, make some plans to reach them, and let others be your support rather than you being theirs. :dunno: Keep talking to us, though. It can help just to say what's on our mind and let off some of the pressure we feel. I hope things settle down for you soon!
     
  7. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    I appreciate what all of you are doing I really do but I need some thing to release all this anger and bullshit I just want all this to be a nightmare where I'll wake up and be happy again I haven't been happy in a long time if you saw me in person you would never know how torn up inside every time I try to talk to friends or the women I'm stuck with I here the same thing your fine quit talking dumb shit and well I was looking for better ways to off myself where I found this site and figured to hell with it I've tried over ten times to end my life scars all over will show I just don't know what to do anymore I feel that if I go to do anything that makes me happy I will fuck over everyone else so I just bottle it up inside and I'm back where I was 2years ago I just feel that if I end my life everyone will be better off
     
  8. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    Thank you but it seems to be a trend that I can't break everyone of my relationships I have been cheated on it seems like I should just suck it up it's going to happen and that's life I'm not worth a good women's time if they exist....
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You ARE worth a good woman's time... what's happening to you isn't your fault, and you don't need to bottle everything up anymore. Nobody would be better off if you were gone. You have to do what makes you happy... you have to look out for yourself now, because your happiness matters.
     
  10. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    You know what's funny about all this....... This is the first place in my entire life where it seems that people actually feel my pain and it's very relaxing and it feels good to get all that out with out people judging me thank you
     
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You won't be judged here. :hug: I'm glad being here is helping you, and I hope you continue to post and reach out for support!
     
  12. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    thank you all ive come to a realization thanks to all of you and that is to cut the people who drag me down out of my life today i feel happy and stress free for the first time in a long time thank you all i see that i have a right to live and i have a right to be happy so thats what im going to do finding this site saved my life thank you!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.