Am I being abused?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Elysia, Jul 14, 2009.

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  1. Elysia

    Elysia Member

    I'm seeig a counsellor. I've seen the person before. It ended badly. I felt abandoned. Boundaries were very broken. We'd talk for hours. Personl info was shared. I was special. We were to meet up after the sessions finished. And so on. Cant really say more. Anyway I waited years. I was ignored, no contact. I was distraught and nearly killed myself as I felt so abandoned and confused. I've not been able to trust a therapist since. I recently went back to be referred for counselling due to trauma. I asked for someone else but got the same person. I've been told that I can be healed if I trust fully and go whereever I need to. I'm not to tell anyone else what we do as noone would understand and it would have to stop, and then I'd never get healed, and it would ruin healing for other people. Someone else committed suicide. I feel it is my fault for not speaking out. I feel that if this situation is indeed wrong then she felt the pain I did and didnt get through it. But i could be wrong. I might be mad or paranoid. I'm told that all that went wrong before was my fault and I didnt get better because I didnt trust. I just want to get better. I have noone else. I want to believe this person has my best interests at heart. But I feel sick and vulerable. I dont know how to trust completely and give myself over fully. It mirrors what has happened to me too much. I was abused terribly as a child. I think I must be ill or mistaken
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    So your counsellor was trying to have a personal relationship with you? Yeah, that's abuse.
  3. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    You need to report ur counselor...what is happening is abuse...don't trust a word that they say anymore....
  4. Elysia

    Elysia Member

    Its not that kind of thing. Its not sexual or anything like that. I feel safe there when I'm there but afterwards I feel sick and upset. I dont think I can explain properly. I dont knwo how to say it. I'm sorry. I shouldnt have posted. I feel stupid and pathetci now
  5. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    There's nothing to feel stupid or pathetic about. While it's true that some patients might just be perceiving things that aren't in existence and may misunderstand therapy or whatever, some patients ARE abused by their therapists.

    You need to figure out which it is. I wish I knew more about what you're experiencing so I could have some idea of what advice to give, but I understand if you don't want to give details.

    There must be some sort of state licensing board where you are that supervises these people and metes out punishments if necessary. Maybe if you call them, admit that you don't know if what you're experiencing is real or just your own misperceptions, and ask them to help you figure it out.

    It may be that they've heard complaints about this person before, but they don't have enough evidence to do anything. It may be that by speaking up, you can save other patients from being abused. It may be that you will save lives.

    Or maybe not. At least you'll know. But I have to say that I was disturbed when you said the therapist apparently has encouraged you to cooperate because by not cooperating you're hurting other people. That makes you feel that you have no choice, and that is a red flag as far as I'm concerned. At the very least, you have the right to request another therapist. Any decent therapist should be able to understand that you don't think your personalities mesh in a useful way, and let you go without a complaint.
  6. Elysia

    Elysia Member

    Thanks for writing. I'm still so confused. There was an investigation. A client committed suicide. I dont know details. I gain the impression its because she felt abandoned and couldnt cope. I know how that feels because of what is done in the sessions, when it is removed it feels like total abandonment. I'm not religious at all but it is like a spiritual feeling. I feel calm and alive there. I never feel that. But then it is gone and its like total and utter rejection. I'm told that because of the investigation that we need to be more careful and not tell anyone what goes on. Otherwise I cant be helped. But all of this doesnt mean it is wrong does it? Maybe to heal I need to stuff that is unconventional? I'm told that I should ignore what other therapists say, that professional trainig just gets in the way and stops real progress. If I am right and this is abusive then I have failed to prevent the death of someone very vulnerable and by not seaking out I continue to hurt people. If I am wrong and I falsy accuse I prevent people from healing and I prevent my own healing. Maybe I am just running from healing. Or maybe I am just ill in the head. If I walk away now I lose that wonderful feeling. I'll never feel normal and alive again. I feel I dont have long left so I just want to feel that a bit more, but the crash a few days later is unbearable and I feel sick to my core. I sound pathetic dont I? I dont thik anyone can understand. Maybe the dead woman could.
  7. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think you need to be more clear about what's going on. I couldn't answer this without examples. You say it's not sexual, then I'm confused about what it exactly is - except that it upsets you greatly. That bothers me. If you're feeling sick and upset afterwards something is wrong.
  8. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Mmm. It all sounds very secretive to me. This councellor your seeing doesnt want you to talk about your treatment, because perhaps his/her doing something that "might" be frowned upon by his/her peers, and society itself?...some sort of radical treatment? or perhaps something that blurs the edges between right and wrong, which for many people is a matter of perception and circumstances anyway.

    People commit suicide on councellors/psychs all the time. It comes with the territory. Ive had at least 2 psychologists admit to me people have killed themselves while under their care...although, you would hardly call a meeting a couple times a week, or for many, once a month - "ongoing care". I also dont think the feeling of abandonment is unusual when treatment stops, I imagine it to be quite common for people that have seen a professional councillor/psych for some length of time.

    Like I said...people kill themselves during treatment all the time, some people cannot be helped -its that simple, and in saying that im not saying you cant be helped, or anyone else on this board.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    From what you're posting, I get the impression that this counselor is doing something he or she shouldn't be doing. It does seem like abuse.

    I want you to know, though, that it's not your fault. And what happened to the other person, the one who committed suicide, isn't your fault either. It's obvious you're unsure and confused, and this counselor seems to have some sort of hold on you.

    If you want to talk about this more, you can PM me anytime. I'd like to try and help, but I'd need to know more about the situation. But if it is abuse, you need to get yourself some help and distance yourself from this person.
  10. Elysia

    Elysia Member

    Thanks for your replies and input. There seems to be a real consensus that something is wrong. Thats my gut feeling too. But Wildcherry you hit the nail on the head to say this person has a real hold over me. Thats exactly how I feel. I went back to this counsellor to confront about what happened last time and get some closure. It was still bringing me to tears and feeling distraught after 2 years absence. So I went back to challenge with all the things I felt had been unacceptable and wrong. But I just froze when I got there. Then after 2 hours I was back under the spell again. I almost feel like I end up being the counsellor trying to make the actual counsellor feel better. I feel I was meant to say that the suicide was not the counsellors fault, but I couldnt. I'm really confused, despite al the input I've had that this is wrong and damaging to me I know I'll still go again on Friday. I cant stay away. I need more. I want to be made better. I'm totally seduced by it. Everyone is saying to stay away and I cant. I feel so pathetic. I'm deservign this because I'm letting it happen. This is the storey of my life. I'm abused over and over and in the same ways. I think i have victim written all over me. I try so hard to pick people well and I end up being hurt. The problem is obviously me.
  11. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    This. ^

    Get out of there and tell someone. That is the shittiest counciling ever if this is happening. That is completely antithetical to what a councilor (therapist/shrink/psychiatrist/psychologist/preacher/etc.) is supposed to be doing. That is completely the opposite of what therapy is. And as WildCherry said, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You go to someone and trust that they will not abuse you, while you are in a fragile state, and they take advantage of you. This thought enrages me to no end. Please don't go back, and please tell someone so that no one else is hurt by this person.

  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    It is clear that this therapy and therapist are upsetting you. If you always feel more upset and more abandoned after seeing this person, I wonder if it feels “right.” (If I didn’t feel “right” I wouldn’t go.)

    I can’t say if the therapist is abusive or not. You do seem very upset and there’s a lot of “secrecy” which I find worrying. Also, she’s telling you “training gets in the way of healing” and “don’t listen to other counselors”. Personally, I have to wonder why she’d say that. How is her therapy different from other therapists’ techniques? What doesn’t she want others to know about her way of doing things?

    Is she telling you that you don’t have to tell your parents, friends, and/or significant other about what you talk about in therapy? That’s OK and good. Is she doing or saying things in the sessions that make you uncomfortable and that she says you can’t talk about with other people? To me, that’s not right and it would definitely ring an alarm bell.

    Can you pinpoint what upsets you? Is it the therapist and her therapy? Is it something she says or physically does to you? Do you end up feeling really guilty as though it’s something you shouldn’t do? Perhaps finding answers to those questions will help you decide if this is the right therapist and therapy for you.

    I’m thinking of you, Elysia, and I wish you all the best!

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