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Am I being oversensitive at work/ do you have any ideas how to deal with this?

BraveFace

SF Supporter
#1
I have a relatively good job and am grateful for having one, but lately I am starting to feel resentful towards it and my boss. It's a smallish company, 7 employees and lots of sub-contractors. I am the only female in the company and the oldest by around 20years! Usually, I don't mind that as I tend to keep my head down and get on with my work. This year has been stressful for all but we've managed to get through things. But things have slowly started to happen that first irked me then outright pissed me off.
It started off with whenever the chaps were talking about something, it would always end with 'ask Braveface...' i.e. I have to sort it out, even if I have no clue what they are talking about. (I do the accounts, so I guess the fall back is that I can make a 'payment' for something once I have sourced that damn thing!) I deal with it by telling whoever asked, you find the source, I will make the payment.
Then for some reason - which I know why - I got lumbered with having to do the Christmas decorations/ sorting catering for the 'party', which I didn't even attend as I was off that day.

Then my boss asked for a specific financial report which could not be done as he had never told me about a new project they were working on that needed financial tracking. He told me, in front of a colleague, that I am not doing my job properly. I was pissed. A week later he tells me that I need training on the accounts package. Now I am really pissed off. I called our accountants and asked them to unlock the accounts package so that I could make some alterations to run a report, also vented a bit too and they were supportive.

If I book time off, I am always getting messages/ calls about something. At first I didn't mind - just have to do what needs to be done. But now I am angry and don't want to do it anymore. Boss closed the office on Fri 20th, but I went in on the 22nd as that was when the payroll came to me so I could pay salaries/ sub-contractors. Oh, and I am also the lowest paid member of staff but was the first 'employee'.
Sorry, I know I am venting but I always took/ take pride in my work. And I have achieved a lot of things with the company, which frankly wasn't in place in before or even thought about.

It's back to work on Wed 6th Jan - I just don't want to go back feeling like this. Any ideas/ thoughts please?
 

BraveFace

SF Supporter
#3
Thanks for understanding @Sunspots I normally get on ok with my boss so I think I could ask for a meeting.
There are two things that bother me, first is I don't want to lose my temper/ just cave in at a meeting, and the second is that I have an insecure feeling that he may be looking to get rid of me to get someone else in
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
if you do ask for a meeting try to be prepared for it. of course state how much you like working for him and his company. (butter him up lol )

then explain carefully how you are having issues in some areas. then offer solutions that will help you do a better job. make sure you mention this way you can be more productive and be more of an asset to the company.

i am proud of you for caring about your job. i was a workaholic and always cared about my job. hopefully he can understand that you are a good hardworking employee that wants to do a better job for the company.

mike...*hug*shake
 

Sunspots

Daydream Believer
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
I don't want to lose my temper/ just cave in at a meeting
That's really understandable. Maybe writing out what you want to say and practicing it beforehand would help. Do you have anyone that could do some role play with you?

I have an insecure feeling that he may be looking to get rid of me to get someone else in
Is there any evidence for this or a reason why you think this might be true?
 

BraveFace

SF Supporter
#6
@1964dodge thank you Mike :) I completely forgot about the good old '$h i t sandwich' *hysterical

I will def try and write something down before going back to work @Sunspots and I think I can practice it with my Dad. One day I had a really bad day at work and when I spoke to him about it we ended up having a big row as Dad said 'well that's your job and he (my boss) trusts you' which made me flip my lid. It was an awful row and we didn't speak until the next day where we both apologised to each other. I think he would be a good person to test my diplomacy skills on

*grouphug2*grouphug2 x
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#11
Log every incident and every conversation with your boss as well as your salary. I can understand being embarrassed about being called out un front of colleagues. My boss/manager does this to a few select people, usually the better workers. It's disgusting and our department is an HR nightmare, in my opinion.

If you do sit with your boss, expect retaliation, again, my opinion. It's a small business, so I suspect that thers no HR department, which is ok, because they are basically there for the company anyway. Think about legal representation @BraveFace should it come to that. However the main way that you have a case is if you have brought your discrepancy up to your manager or HR before ever having sought legal counsel. I'm not saying you are even going that route. It just seems unfair.
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#12
I have a relatively good job and am grateful for having one, but lately I am starting to feel resentful towards it and my boss. It's a smallish company, 7 employees and lots of sub-contractors. I am the only female in the company and the oldest by around 20years! Usually, I don't mind that as I tend to keep my head down and get on with my work. This year has been stressful for all but we've managed to get through things. But things have slowly started to happen that first irked me then outright pissed me off.
It started off with whenever the chaps were talking about something, it would always end with 'ask Braveface...' i.e. I have to sort it out, even if I have no clue what they are talking about. (I do the accounts, so I guess the fall back is that I can make a 'payment' for something once I have sourced that damn thing!) I deal with it by telling whoever asked, you find the source, I will make the payment.
Then for some reason - which I know why - I got lumbered with having to do the Christmas decorations/ sorting catering for the 'party', which I didn't even attend as I was off that day.

Then my boss asked for a specific financial report which could not be done as he had never told me about a new project they were working on that needed financial tracking. He told me, in front of a colleague, that I am not doing my job properly. I was pissed. A week later he tells me that I need training on the accounts package. Now I am really pissed off. I called our accountants and asked them to unlock the accounts package so that I could make some alterations to run a report, also vented a bit too and they were supportive.

If I book time off, I am always getting messages/ calls about something. At first I didn't mind - just have to do what needs to be done. But now I am angry and don't want to do it anymore. Boss closed the office on Fri 20th, but I went in on the 22nd as that was when the payroll came to me so I could pay salaries/ sub-contractors. Oh, and I am also the lowest paid member of staff but was the first 'employee'.
Sorry, I know I am venting but I always took/ take pride in my work. And I have achieved a lot of things with the company, which frankly wasn't in place in before or even thought about.

It's back to work on Wed 6th Jan - I just don't want to go back feeling like this. Any ideas/ thoughts please?
Perhaps tell them you would like to learn another job, try something different. It would be like finding another job but without all the hassle and potential to end up without a job. Have you got a lot of holiday time built up you can take? Maybe do some volunteer work in your spare time. You'd would be more appreciated doing volunteer work and would be surrounded by more positive nurturing people
 
#13
Thank you all for your fantastic responses :)

Just as an update, I was due to go back to work on the Wednesday (having been 1 of 4 furloughed in Dec). Boss sent a whatsapp message to the HQ Group Chat, saying a meeting has been scheduled for all on Monday at 9am. This was followed up by an email to 'accept' the meeting request.
If I am off work, I don't want to deal with anything work-related when I am not there. It's different for the others as they have all known each other since either school or uni and regularly socialise together. Not being part of the social thing doesn't really bother me, I just need a good work environment
 
#14
Log every incident and every conversation with your boss as well as your salary. I can understand being embarrassed about being called out un front of colleagues. My boss/manager does this to a few select people, usually the better workers. It's disgusting and our department is an HR nightmare, in my opinion.

If you do sit with your boss, expect retaliation, again, my opinion. It's a small business, so I suspect that thers no HR department, which is ok, because they are basically there for the company anyway. Think about legal representation @BraveFace should it come to that. However the main way that you have a case is if you have brought your discrepancy up to your manager or HR before ever having sought legal counsel. I'm not saying you are even going that route. It just seems unfair.
Thanks Lane, when he had a go at me I haven't really spoken to him since, only to say necessary work-related stuff. We do have a HR advisor at work, who the company pays as an independent advisor. And guess who found them and got them in?!

Mainly though, thank you for saying it seems unfair. After the row I had with my dad about it I was doubting myself.
 
#15
Perhaps tell them you would like to learn another job, try something different. It would be like finding another job but without all the hassle and potential to end up without a job. Have you got a lot of holiday time built up you can take? Maybe do some volunteer work in your spare time. You'd would be more appreciated doing volunteer work and would be surrounded by more positive nurturing people
Actually that's a great idea, thank you!
 

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