Am i being paranoid?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Pulsar132, Sep 29, 2013.

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  1. Pulsar132

    Pulsar132 Member

    Hiya,

    Feeling a little low tonight. It's just a few things with my bf. I don't know if i want to be with him or not :-(, i do! as i like him a hell of a lot, but when i think of him i get sad sometimes, so my brain is like what the fuck do i do! When we meet up, we get on like a house in fire, we don't have much in common, but we talk non-stop and cuddle, i don't know if it's he's confidence and shyness that is making him like this over the internet etc.

    It's just a couple things that kinda bother me and make me low.

    I always seem to message him first
    he hasn't told he's family or friends that we are together
    He almost always gives closed sentences, so it's like hard to reply too sometimes
    i sometimes get the feeling he isn't being honest or telling the truth? not too sure why though

    I know it may be petty etc, but here's my reasoning behind it.

    A few years ago i was with someone, i was happy, i really liked him, we was together almost a year and he goes and cheats on me, what made it worse was it was a girl, and he was supposedly completely gay! meh.

    Anyway so what makes me down etc is me messaging him first, am i annoying him? i want to like not text him all day and see if he messages me, but i'm like a happy and sociable person. I want to see how people are and how their days been.

    Also he hasn't told he's friends or family. He is a shy guy and get's very nervous at points, and when i've asked has he told he's mum so i can meet her, he's said he chickened out. So it might be nerves etc, but it's pretty crappy and i don't know if i'm reading too much into it etc.

    When i'm talking to him, he replies really basic and doesn't give much to go further with, so it's hard to have a convo with him, plus mixed with me always starting the convo's, am i annoying him?

    We met on an app called Grindr, surprisingly i never used it to meet for sex etc and we got talking over that and eventually decided to meet up and go for a coffee. From that moment something intrigued me with him, so i decided to meet up with him more, he's totally not the type i usually go for, i usually like plump guys with longer hair and who are smart and he's pretty much the opposite. I'm not saying my bf is an idiot, but he doesn't understand computers, websites anything i like really. We have bands and such in common but no real hobby interests and he's a little slow. It's surprising we got on and decided to meet again. But anyway we've been together a few months and up until today he's profile said he was looking for dates etc, he changed it after i said about it, he's response was i didn't know.

    It's just really bugging me, and because i had a drink earlier i was a little drunk and decided to message him.

    ---
    hiya, i was like wondering if you wanted to be with me? Sorry for always like asking these things, it's just were i've been hurt in the past, i just like get a little worried every now and then and just need a little reassurance , i'm very happy with you. i just hope i don't like annoy you or ask to see you too much or text you too much, it's just a little hard to tell sometimes xD. If i ever do or such, please tell me so i know not to do it or such again , and please never not say anthing when it bothers you, also sorry for the crappy message, i just think too much into little things sometimes lol. Sorry xx
    ---
    Then i sent him a follow up message.

    ---
    Hi, I'm really sorry about that message, i had a couple drinks and my friends were arguing and i was a little tipsy and low because of it and starting thinking about stupid stuff. I do want to be with you and i'm happy that we are together, you're amazing and i love your personality, you're unlike anyone i've dated before and from the moment we met i was intrigued by something about you, it's just a couple little things that kinda like bug me a little bit. Do i annoy you at any point? As i sometimes get the impression that i might , because i seem to always start convos instead of the other way around, if it is because it's annoying let me know and i'll stop xD. Also the only other thing is not telling anyone we are together. Is there a reason? like you're not 100% certain etc.

    I'm sorry about the messages, just thought i'd better explain myself now my heads a little more clear.

    I'm sorry i feel like this, it's just i'm so scared of being hurt again, and because things are going good my heads just being stupid and over thinking things .

    I understand if this annoys you, i'm sorry about that, it's just i don't let myself bottle things up anymore, i have to say what i'm feeling/thinking etc, I'm really sorry and i hope i haven't ruined your day xx
    ---

    It's only now i've sobered up i regret that decision and i'm dreading he's response and i feel bad now as he'll get this message when he wakes up to go to work, i just hope it doesn't ruin he's day if he does like me and does want to be with me.

    I'm just stuck in a hole here at the moment, don't know what to feel or do or anything. I don't know if it's me being stupid and thinking history will repeat itself, or if i have a right to think these things.

    If you have any advice, please let me know and be truthful, i don't know of anyone else to talk too about this. I just don't know what to do to be honest. I need to cry but i can't, i've got so much shit bottled up it's unreal. I help people, years ago i attempted suicide twice, which is why i joined this forum, to stop myself a 3rd time. I'm getting scared i'll let things bottle up again and explode. I'm so scared. I don't know how to get this out my system.

    I like my bf and to be honest i feel like i'm falling in love with him, is it just my head playing games to try and "protect" me?

    I'm just scared at what he will reply with :-(
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Just wanted to let you know I read this and was not ignoring it or decided not worth replying. I nearly did not reply because I really do not know what to say. I do not know enough about you or your boyfriend and relationship to be giving more than wild guesses but here are a couple wild guesses that please dismiss entirely if completely off-

    1. I am guessing he is gay - does his friends and family know and is he completely comfortable with that at this point? And is he as committed to an emotional relationship as much as you would like? If getting along great in person and stand-offish online and in messages it would seem possible he is not at the same emotional place in the relationship.

    2. If you are always the one the messages first and waiting for him to reply then I do not think you are paranoid to wonder the things you asked about in your messages to him.

    3. You may be paranoid and worried about the possible responses but I think the messages were the right thing to do- simply ask for answers. If they are not the answers you want to hear I am sorry, but it was still better to ask.


    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Pulsar132

    Pulsar132 Member

    Hello Ben,

    Thank you for getting back to me. Yes he is gay and he is out to everyone so i didn't really think it was that, i do maybe think that he isn't at the same emotional place as i am, but sometimes when he says and does things it feels equal? I dunno. I'm just going to see how things go from now on.

    It turns out all the stress of worrying and everything was wasted emotions. This morning i got woke up by a phone call from him wanting to talk. I was shitting myself to say the least, like time i had a talk etc i found out i was being cheated on and we were breaking. So a lot of crap ran through my head. But the chat was really nice.

    He got me to say everything that was worrying me, was hard at first, but once i started i let everything out. Then we had a chat, he told me he loved being with me and sorry about not showing it or making it known. I never annoy him etc. He said he's crap with messaging and prefers a phone call then messages etc. But he's said he'll make sure he'll message me more often.

    He also apologised about not telling anyone yet, it purely is that he is scared, but he's already told he's closest friends but just hasn't got the balls to tell he's mum just yet. He is a shy person so i guess that could be why. Since going through shit years ago i try not to let things build up any more so i just say things most of the time. Not 100% effective but i try atleast lol.

    Now we've had a chat i feel a lot better in myself and about the relationship. Just wish i did this a little sooner! Thank you for letting me vent yester
     
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