Am I being selfish?

[HopeIsHere]

Right now I'm in a bit of a state and I'm really struggling. Last night, one of my close friends was admitted into the adolescent psych ward of the major hospital in our city. Apparently she had an episode of some sort, I'm not exactly sure. But she does weed and speed and a few weeks ago I was with her when she had a psychotic episode and got taken to hospital over night.

So this is my dilemma. In 2009, I was in the exact same psych ward for awhile due to suicidal ideation. I was in there involuntarily, and it was a very dark time in my life and I literally hated being in that place. Every time I think of going back, I get so worked up that I have an anxiety attack. I want to visit my friend and I want to support her and show her I care, I just don't know if I can go back into the ward, even if it's just to visit her. I'm afraid all the memories and experiences will come back... but the thing I'm most afraid of is I won't be able to control myself, and if the nurses / doctors see me in the state that I get into, I will just be forced to go back in there which is the LAST thing I want.

I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this, I'm afraid of judgement from those people around me. Please tell me if I'm being selfish or what I can do? I don't know if I should just suck it up and go visit her or what. It's doing my head in and I can't take it for much longer!

 

[me myself and i]

All i can say is, you need to be whole yourself, do not put yourself in a situation you cant deal with, no point.
Better to be honest with your friend, give love and kindness, that is always enough.
Peace.

 

[Ravenwing]

In my humble opinion, I don't think that you are being selfish at all. You are being very sensible about things. You have idientified a potential trigger for your condition and are doing the right thing by avoiding it. :hug:

 

[Petal]

You're not being selfish. Not being able to visit her is totally understandable in your situation and she should understand. Don't beat yourself up about it. :hug:

 

[Flying Fox]

As others have said, you are not being selfish at all. I don't think you are. By avoiding a place that harbors traumatic memories, you are sparing yourself emotional troubles; who wouldn't? I think it is enough that you care about her.

 

[dazzle11215]

i totally understand. can you drop off a card or some flowers? or have another friend drop off a note from you. your friend will understand.

 

[HopeIsHere]

I've been trying to call her but she's always asleep when I call, so I'm getting really suspicious that she doesn't want to talk to me.

But once I have talked to her I think I will send her a card.