Am I being unreasonable?

[memyselfand1]

As you are aware my life at the uni has ended due to the issues with ApEl process tranamfering from place to another

And I have lots of people messing around over the years, jobs messing me around, people treating me like dog shit, been to activities where it’s been stopped and I have lost interest a result this been going on since I was seven

It’s also Beckys anniversary in ten days time, in at a loss of what to do?
Do I look for work and hope and pray that it doesn’t push my overwhelmed head over the edge? Or do I take sometime to get my self in better place

And do I carry on going to these groups hoping that I get some “joy” from and pushing my anxiety down the bog seat.
People don’t always turn up when I have asked them to meet in town.
And the actual groups are too confined and noisy that add to my frustration and I do leg it like a tiger, leopards when I am uncomfortable

These things actually push further and further into boiling point and into the darker place.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're feeling this way

Do I look for work and hope and pray that it doesn’t push my overwhelmed head over the edge? Or do I take sometime to get my self in better place

I think it's generally good not to push yourself too hard.

It's possible to go too far with being isolated and inactive too, but especially if thinking about the loss of your friend is getting to you, it's sounds like it would be better to just spend some time being gentle with yourself.

 

[memyselfand1]

It’s only been the last few days have I really thought about her as it’s now it’s starting to get to me like I’m remembering happy memories of us and it’s been quite triggering in high street. For example, there’s lots of coffee shops we used to visit, her mums house is right next door to the car park I use when I’m in town with my mum, my favourite beauty saloon is right next to where last got our nails done last year and familiar song perfect by Ed Sheran was on the same time she was around and I hear it on the radio everyday.
Even our favourite groups mainly heavy metal, Christian groups I love I cannot listen to as it really affects me. So that lovely wonderful trip to town that was supposed to make me feel better is the pointless worthless triggering activity known to man.
Hence why I avoid at all costs.. and then there’s school/college kids reminding me of uni every bloody fucking day, there’s people with friends on f******* Facebook and in town centres all these things can bring me down. Hence why I prefer keep them on other Facebook pages and don’t follow ex friends anymore.,too many poxy memories of them not turning up and all those mom Wg’s I have literally thought about chucking towel in or legging it somewhere. Hence why I prefer such a quiet life in my house where I ain’t triggered. I don’t think these bloody things when I’m at home. So a nice day that could be about job seeking/going social group yuck yuck yuck so I absolutely hate dread, won’t turn up to anyway. Both have worse of the worse to think about anyway ..... for its obvious reasons... you can see why I go to peaces and with the bpd it’s not at normal emotion stage. So I react strongly and go from one to hundred or in myself turn anger and feelings inwards..... I look forward to indoor days only, when I ain’t pushed to turn up to groups, go to activities, when I ain’t turning up to these activities I feel great... I am avoiding them.

I ain’t flipping jobseeker anyway, I was signed off from jobseeking pernamently months ago so I am not even required turn up,