Am I Boyfriend Material

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ihatemyselfalot, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    Where to start?, I think its best if I just list all my qualities and hear what you have to say.

    - I'm 20 years old.

    - I have brown hair, and dark green/hazel eyes.

    - I smoke about 30 cigarettes per day, so you can go days without bathing or you can fart all you want, most girls would be sensitive about farting in front of their boyfriend, but that doesn't matter because I have virtually no sense of smell any more from the smoking, which I am highly addicted to.

    - I have a tested I.Q of 91, a number that will never leave y brain, there are trained monkeys in the world that have an I.Q as high as mine, which is great for you, so you will never feel intimidated my massive intellect, what is also a bonus is the fact that a lot of these problems with my brain power is due to learning difficulties, such as Dyslexia and Dyscalculia, yeah, I typed them both wrong, about 60% of what I write here ends up with one of those little red squiggles underneath it, so I just type my error into google and get my result, but yeah, my Mom and Dad are both dyslexic, and so are me and my sister, so I suppose if we ever settle down together, our kids will have the pleasure of experiencing this too, and have a great time being rejected from colleges, unemployment and dead end jobs, trust me, its a Blast!, they will thank us for it.

    - I'm not good at anything, and I mean ANYTHING! lol, and if you are good at anything, DON'T PANIC!, if you are with me, those talents will soon be squandered, with me, you can live the same as me.

    - I live with my parents, and my Mom makes great food.

    - I can't drive yet, so you will always feel safe and in control behind the wheel, because you will be the only driver for a long time.

    - I can't find a job and I can't get into college, so I have all day to spend with you!, I can keep the house clean, I will be the perfect stay at home boyfriend, I take home a welfare check, so you go out to work all day, pay your taxes, then they all come back to us!, its like you pay taxes, then get more money back.

    - I fucking loath myself, and once you get to know me , you will to!, we will have so much in common .

    - I'm a total loner, and that makes me crazy about the girl I am with, and I will be clingy, and what women don't like that?

    - After the past couple of years knowing my life is fucked beyond repair, it has destroyed about 98% of my sense of humour, but laughing is over rated.

    - I am 6ft4", and have an endomorphic body type and no kidding, my forehead actually has a ridge on it that stick out about 9mm, and no chin!, Gorillas are sexy right? and I guess what could be a bonus, is that just like my intelligence, its all hereditary, so if we go the full distance, we could have some chimps of our own one day.

    - I have lived in a desolate area for the past 20 years, I am a total agoraphobic, so if we are in danger, I will be too scared to help, but I always have a cell phone so I'm okay in that area, also, if another guy starts hitting on you, I wont have the balls to step in and stop, so I will never spoil your fun.
    I used to have a gun I bought off some back street dealer, but I threw it in the river, but I guess we could salvage it.

    - I have no good stories either, I'm the most boring and un-spontaneous person I know, but lets face it, surprises can get tiring, and who wants the trouble?
    If we ever go to a dance club, we can just sit in the corner together all night, never socializing or anything, we can just sit there nervous, I can't dance any way, its better for us to just sit there anyway, I would just embarrass you, so at least I know what I should and shouldn't do in that situation.

    - I grew up hating my Dad, he made me afraid to show any emotion, but my Dad was always angry, and although it wasn't entirely his fault, the only thing I know how to show is anger, to the point where I can't control it.

    - I hate reality, so I do hallucinogenic drugs a lot, they are fun!

    There are so many great things to list about myself, I suppose this could be an early script for my video dating tape or something.

    If you think we would go well together, just respond, got any questions, just respond.

    What do you say?, would you date me?
     
  2. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    hi IHMA and welcome here

    why would you say you have no sence of humor?
    the name of the tread in combination with some things you wrote in your post made me gigle so you must be wrong about that one because flyingdutchmen isnt familiar for laughin alot.
    then there is the IQ thing.
    do you actually believe some mathematical or general knowledge test says something about how inteligence we are?
    i dont, certain behaviour is a much better guideline for telling something about people's inteligence.. for example
    someone happens to know the correct ansers to mathemetical test and therefor has an IQ of 150 but is unable to deal with money in real live, is not open to other people opinions, cant seem to find a way to help himself from unexpected situations and screams all day long because he finds himself important or thinks he/she needs it to make an point, is he/she that smart/inteligent ?
    i dont think so.
     
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I don't think you have no sense of humour.

    From your post, it sounds like you're dealing with some self hatred.
     
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the site,

    Firstly, although it felt wrong to laugh at a post so full of torment and self-loathing, I admit that I did chuckle a couple of times, so it appears your sense of humour is intact (this scores highly on the dating radar, so there's plenty of hope yet).

    This is going to sound ridiculously cliche, but you have to stop focusing on the negatives! It's clear that you feel the odds are stacked against you, but there has to be positives in your life, and if you honestly can't think of any - make them. You'll say 'how' and 'that's too hard', but it's not really. Your IQ is not low, it's slightly below average - big deal; there's no reason you can't hold down a job (except for the drugs, but I'll get to that later) or do some correspondence courses to gain some qualifications. You shouldn't be ashamed of getting a job you consider to be a bit ****, because then you have the opportunity to work your way up, if you have the determination. Don't let a label of dyslexia hold you back - plenty of millionaires have had low IQs and it never stopped them.

    Now for the lecture (and don't complain, you asked for it, literally!): stop taking drugs, no girl will appreciate that, and stop smoking too, while you're at it. You'll save some money, which girls do appreciate, and you won't stink anymore (as long as you bathe, which again, girls appreciate!). And learn to drive, and spend some of your money saved from the drugs and cigarettes to buy a nice car, which will definitely be appreciated.

    I wish there was an easy way to inject some self-esteem into you. I know how much you hate yourself (I know it's hard to imagine that someone else can feel just as bad, but believe me, I do), but I now know from experience that it doesn't take much to make you feel slightly less worthless. I think for you, getting and keeping a job, any job, would boost your self-esteem and give you something to concentrate and build on. Get help writing your CV, and look into online or correspondence courses, and be pro-active. Seek out potential employers, and tell them how awesome you'd be at whatever job, and make them want to hire you. It sounds ridiculous and impossible, but it's not, please trust me.

    They say that if you stop looking for love, but open yourself up to it, it will find you. They also say that the right person for each of us is out there, and fate will bring you together. So stop worrying, and get yourself ready to meet her.

    Mim
     
  5. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I want something different out of life than some job and an asshole boss.

    Or £1,000,000 and a load of meaningless material shit.

    I don't care any more about women, I guess when I wrote that I was sexually frustrated.
    But my sex drive is about a week weeks away from being non existent, so fuck it.

    As for the smoking...

    I smoke about 30-40 cigarettes a day and that's the only way I can kill myself slowly.
    So if I die in my 30s, once I get more money I will up my cigarette amount, and I have meds that keep me in some kind of apathetic daze, then this can be al over with ASAP, and then I don't have to go on living like this.

    Meh....
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Quote:
    I take home a welfare check, so you go out to work all day, pay your taxes, then they all come back to us!, its like you pay taxes, then get more money back.

    Lol! You DO have a sense of humor; so there's at least one thing you had listed as a negative quality that can actually be a positive one. Where there's one, there are probably more.
     
  7. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member