I don't know if I am sane or not anymore. Ask my mom and dad to help me kill myself everyday, till I drive them crazy, my illness and dying is all I talk about. As I don't have the courage to kill myself. It's so upsetting to see people outside having fun, when I'm trapped inside being sick. With little or no hope. Everything is so complicated, had to drive hundreds of miles everytime to see doctors that don't know whats going on. Had to request a surgeon to evaluate me. Said he would do an eliostomey for me but wanted one more test first. I couldn't, make it to the test as I have had severe trouble breathing. Am on govt. assitance for my medical care, have to go to hospital a 165 miles away to be treated or pay for the care myself when I have no funds. Prolly need to be on oxygen to breathe, tried my dads oxygen, it was hard to use expecially when I was sleeping. I don't want to live, being on oxygen all the time with a colostomy, and a cathater for my urine. My mom thinks that would be fine way to be, and a lot better then dying. I think thats not much of a way to live myself.