Am I crazy?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jasv, Jul 29, 2015.

  1. Jasv

    Jasv Well-Known Member

    I decided I'm moving back to New York. I hate it here. I hate everything about my life. I need a brand new start and I'm scared, but I know that if I stay I really would do it and I'm not sure if I want too. My family looks at me as if I'm crazy. They don't understand. They never do. They expect me to be happy even after everything that has happened to me. They never even apologized, or simply acknowledged what they did to me. They don't care and I knew that. It's just it hurts knowing my parents never really loved me. It hurts knowing I truly am alone. They call me sick, but did they ever wonder why? Why I'm so angry? Why I hate them all? I might have lost most of my memory before I turned 9, but there are some things I do remember and it haunts me every day. I wished for their deaths every day. I wished child protective services would take me every night. I knew I was different even when I was a child. I can never forgive them for what they did and let happen. People don't understand. My father has colon cancer and while everyone is feeling all sad and mellow, I'm the only one who's happy, knowing that that bastard will finally be gone. They call me heartless, but they don't understand, and they never will, because I can't tell them why. I can't tell anyone, because no one would believe me. People don't like to know about things like that. They like to pretend everything is okay and I would be wrong for starting things, or as my mother likes to say at least.
     
  2. SilentLegend

    SilentLegend Member

    No I think you are making the right decision.
    From what you wrote being around your family sounds terrible, and I would encourage you to leave.
    It doesn't help anyone to stay in that toxic environment and continue to feel all these negative emotions.
    Yes you should get away from all that and start fresh.
    It may be scary at first, but you will hopefully start to feel joy in your life again.
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't think it is ever 'crazy' to make a choice for yourself that you believe to be right - regardless of what other people think or feel about that choice. I don't believe that 'family' counts for anything if those people do not act like family should. I don't believe that in maintaining ties that do nothing but make you feel worse. I hope that you find a new beginning and can start to put the past behind you - good luck.