Am i depressed?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 2smart4myOWNgood, Dec 21, 2009.

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  1. Nowadays the term "depressed" is thrown around alot, some people may not be happy but that does not make them depressed. ive come to the conclusion that depression is a form of hope, hope that you will soon die. Thats what i hope for and im always depressed (so my doctor says). Although most suicidal people do have genuinely fucked up reasons for wanting to die, you get a few people like me who hasnt actually had anything really that bad happen to them, im really unmotivated when it comes down to life, i just dont care about it and theres nothing i want that much out of it that im willing to put in the effort. I go out with my mates alot and have good times and i had a fairly good upbringing, yet for some reason mainly when im alone or not being bothered by anyone then i start thinking about killing myself. I look for problems in my life and make them seem worse than they actually are just so i feel like i have a reason to die. I just find life to be such an inconvenience at times and so boring, like theres something better out there than just being alive that im missing out on. i tell you now, if it wasnt for the sake of my mum i would have been dead ages ago. I've tried so many techniques for suicide, im amazed how they have all failed as <Mod Edit: Methods> and i was by myself and i didnt even have a phone if i did want help, what a rough night that was, i cant even take tablets any more, that traumatised me to a certain extent and just writing about makes me cringe and taste that horrible white powdery vomit. It has got to the point where i cant even be arsed to make another attempt, well not for a few more months anyway probably. Im just so determined to die and im not to sure why because i think about so much stuff, that my reasons change from time to time. My close family just thought it was a phase but six years is a pretty long phase if you ask me. Im not sure if im just mental or unstable but i know most people dont think like this. If you have taken your time to read this then thank you and feel free to comment
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2009
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    well, welcome to the forum. we're glad to have you here. thanks for sharing as i'm sure that may not have been totally easy. i do have one question for you. do you think you are depressed or do you think youre just obsessed? i've been in your shoes and as for myself i found that question to be more the latter. i still have the ever strong feeling that i will die by my own hand. am i currently feeling suicidal? no, and not every time i feel like doing that am i depressed. that may sound odd but it's true. just something to ponder on. please take care
     
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't say I have a lot to 'get depressed over'. Besides a few physical and personal differences. It's probly only been this last half year that I've become pretty unmotivated. Most of the time I THINK of killing myself. Not actually trying to kill myself if that makes sense. But I'm sure if I had a gun I wouldn't be around anymore:)(). For some pathetic reason I think that's the easiest way. My family is relatively fine, no suicides or divorces or strained-uncomfortable relationships. Most of the time I just really don't wanna be on planet earth. But there are flickers where I can manage to enjoy things(been a while unfortunately). It can be very hard for me to plan things more than a month away because I don't know if I'll still be around by then. I also have a slight problem with anxiety, not panic attacks or anything. I've never had anything like a panic attack or some sought nervous break down. I tend to hold any emotions inside my head(but anger is definately one that seeps out). So really I'm dieing mentally, very slowly. I also got these fantasies about 'what is on the other side' of all this shit. Hopefully it's better. If it isn't I'll just have to fucking kill myself again :unsure:. When I'm alone it can get bad at sometimes but I'm a bit stronger mentally at the moment. :)
     
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