Am i depressed?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 2smart4myOWNgood, Dec 21, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Nowadays the term "depressed" is thrown around alot, some people may not be happy but that does not make them depressed. ive come to the conclusion that depression is a form of hope, hope that you will soon die. Thats what i hope for and im always depressed (so my doctor says). Although most suicidal people do have genuinely fucked up reasons for wanting to die, you get a few people like me who hasnt actually had anything really that bad happen to them, im really unmotivated when it comes down to life, i just dont care about it and theres nothing i want that much out of it that im willing to put in the effort. I go out with my mates alot and have good times and i had a fairly good upbringing, yet for some reason mainly when im alone or not being bothered by anyone then i start thinking about killing myself. I look for problems in my life and make them seem worse than they actually are just so i feel like i have a reason to die. I just find life to be such an inconvenience at times and so boring, like theres something better out there than just being alive that im missing out on. i tell you now, if it wasnt for the sake of my mum i would have been dead ages ago. I've tried so many techniques for suicide, im amazed how they have all failed as <Mod Edit: Methods> and i was by myself and i didnt even have a phone if i did want help, what a rough night that was, i cant even take tablets any more, that traumatised me to a certain extent and just writing about makes me cringe and taste that horrible white powdery vomit. It has got to the point where i cant even be arsed to make another attempt, well not for a few more months anyway probably. Im just so determined to die and im not to sure why because i think about so much stuff, that my reasons change from time to time. My close family just thought it was a phase but six years is a pretty long phase if you ask me. Im not sure if im just mental or unstable but i know most people dont think like this. If you have taken your time to read this then thank you and feel free to comment
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2009
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    well, welcome to the forum. we're glad to have you here. thanks for sharing as i'm sure that may not have been totally easy. i do have one question for you. do you think you are depressed or do you think youre just obsessed? i've been in your shoes and as for myself i found that question to be more the latter. i still have the ever strong feeling that i will die by my own hand. am i currently feeling suicidal? no, and not every time i feel like doing that am i depressed. that may sound odd but it's true. just something to ponder on. please take care
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't say I have a lot to 'get depressed over'. Besides a few physical and personal differences. It's probly only been this last half year that I've become pretty unmotivated. Most of the time I THINK of killing myself. Not actually trying to kill myself if that makes sense. But I'm sure if I had a gun I wouldn't be around anymore:)(). For some pathetic reason I think that's the easiest way. My family is relatively fine, no suicides or divorces or strained-uncomfortable relationships. Most of the time I just really don't wanna be on planet earth. But there are flickers where I can manage to enjoy things(been a while unfortunately). It can be very hard for me to plan things more than a month away because I don't know if I'll still be around by then. I also have a slight problem with anxiety, not panic attacks or anything. I've never had anything like a panic attack or some sought nervous break down. I tend to hold any emotions inside my head(but anger is definately one that seeps out). So really I'm dieing mentally, very slowly. I also got these fantasies about 'what is on the other side' of all this shit. Hopefully it's better. If it isn't I'll just have to fucking kill myself again :unsure:. When I'm alone it can get bad at sometimes but I'm a bit stronger mentally at the moment. :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.