Am I doing better, or have I just become more indifferent?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Feb 18, 2016.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    In many respects, I am doing better than I was in the past. Almost a year ago, I was having bad panic attacks, to the point where I thought I was dying or losing my mind. I got put on meds and I haven't had a panic attack since then. I haven't cut in so long I can't remember exactly when. Threw away my tools a long time ago. Don't drink every night, but still do it a few times a month. I am not constantly suicidal or overly negative like I used to be. So maybe I am doing better, or I have just numbed myself.

    My life is in a standstill. I want to do so much, but I am afraid to fail. I become happy and hopeful about things, and then they fall through. The more often that happens, the less I want to try again. No more rejection or bad feelings. But I want to be able to live my life. I can't even sleep at night. Can't shut my mind off long enough to do so. I've heard the opposite of living is not dying, it is apathy. So how do I know if I am doing better, or just too indifferent to care? How do I break out of this cycle?
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    It sounds like you are doing better, *hugs*

    But maybe you need a bit of a notch forward still. Are you in therapy? If not that could do you a world of good to help you move forward.

    Life isn't only about surviving. You've done that. And that's hard work! But life is also about living.

    Take care of yourself hun, you deserve to feel better.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I was in therapy, and I think that helped me a lot. I can only have 20 sessions per year with my insurance, so I couldn't go as often as I wanted to. I thought group therapy was better, but the therapist disbanded that because he wanted more people to join. So it's been 6 months since I went to therapy. but I don't think I will go back unless I really start to feel bad.

    I don't know, I just feel like there's a lot out there in the world for me, but I'm not sure where to start. I have stayed in the same place for so long, I feel like I might be scared to try new things.
  4. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I think you are doing better, and it's very good that you are seeing things in the world for you:). New things are also scary for me, but I don't see it as a weakness, I think many people (if not all) are scared of trying new things and getting out of their comfort zones.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    A friend had a suggestion, he said if you get bored, write down 100 things you would want to do. Pick one out at random, then go and do it. It sounds like a good idea, maybe I should give it a try and stop being afraid of living my life.
    JmpMster and Rockclimbinggirl like this.
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