Am I doing the right thing?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mostlyghostly, May 3, 2016.

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  1. mostlyghostly

    mostlyghostly New Member

    A couple months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist. She said that she thinks I have schizoaffective disorder and trauma. She prescribed me Latuda. I was on Latuda for one month, but it gave me akathisia. So she then switched me to Risperdal. I have been on Risperdal for 3 weeks.

    When I was on Latuda, I still felt depressed. I asked my psychiatrist about the possibility of an anti-depressant, but she said no. So I already know that she won't let me have an anti-depressant.

    The second week I was on Risperdal, I started getting these spells at night, where I would get intrusive sorrowful thoughts and cry myself to sleep. At the end of the second week, I met with my pdoc and told her that this was happening. Her reaction was that she thought I seemed fine, and she didn't want to change anything.

    Now it has been the third week and this problem has gotten worse. I am crying every night and feel suicidal. I think about dying every day (but mostly at night, not sure why) and feel like it's the right thing to do for me to die, because I have no future and am just a burden to my family.

    It seems like the Risperdal has made my depression worse, or at least that it's not helping. However my psychiatrist didn't seem to think this was a problem. So I feel desperate.

    Out of desperation I have decided to refuse taking the Risperdal, and when I see my psychiatrist in a week, I'm going to tell her that I won't take it anymore and that if she won't let me have an anti-depressant, then I want to try Abilify, since it's an anti-psychotic (which she insists I need to be on) but has stronger anti-depression properties.

    In my mind this plan makes sense and seems like the best thing I can do given the situation. Does it sound like it makes sense?
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum @mostlyghostly

    I don't think it's safe to just stop taking your meds; I understand your frustration but stopping meds like that can be very dangerous. I urge you to try getting back to your psychiatrist and tell that that it isn't working.

    Also, other than the meds, are you having any therapy to help you with the trauma? That might contribute to your depressive thoughts

    Please take care of yourself, you deserve that!
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It doesn't make sense to me if I am honest. Are people who schizoaffective not allowed anti depressants for some reason? Seems kind of cruel if that is or is not the case, I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Please do not stop taking your meds without the doctors approval. Your pdoc knows you better than any of us but if you aren't happy with their decision maybe get a second opinion.
  4. mostlyghostly

    mostlyghostly New Member

    The impression that I got from her was that since she thinks I might have bipolar disorder, she thinks anti-depressants would be too risky. She also doesn't want to try a mood stabilizer. She is very adamant that my treatment consist of just taking an anti-psychotic and nothing else. She doesn't seem to think the depression is a big deal, she only cares about managing psychosis. Everything else doesn't seem to matter.

    When I try to tell her that I am depressed, my words don't seem to mean anything. It's like I have to prove it. I have stopped eating so I can prove that I am not feeling okay, and also because that way I am slowly going towards my mind's goal of not being here anymore. But it's slow so there is still time.

    The only thing I can think of is to try Abilify since it's an anti-psychotic like my psychiatrist wants but might also help with depression.

    I do see a therapist. My psychiatrist and my therapist actually work together at the same facility. But I don't really like it. My therapist just lectures me about how I don't shower enough and don't eat the right vegetables, and it seems like her job is really to just keep tabs on me and report things to my psychiatrist.

    I actually see my therapist tomorrow and intend to tell her that I don't want to take the Risperdal anymore. So I know she will report me to the psychiatrist for it.
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