A couple months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist. She said that she thinks I have schizoaffective disorder and trauma. She prescribed me Latuda. I was on Latuda for one month, but it gave me akathisia. So she then switched me to Risperdal. I have been on Risperdal for 3 weeks. When I was on Latuda, I still felt depressed. I asked my psychiatrist about the possibility of an anti-depressant, but she said no. So I already know that she won't let me have an anti-depressant. The second week I was on Risperdal, I started getting these spells at night, where I would get intrusive sorrowful thoughts and cry myself to sleep. At the end of the second week, I met with my pdoc and told her that this was happening. Her reaction was that she thought I seemed fine, and she didn't want to change anything. Now it has been the third week and this problem has gotten worse. I am crying every night and feel suicidal. I think about dying every day (but mostly at night, not sure why) and feel like it's the right thing to do for me to die, because I have no future and am just a burden to my family. It seems like the Risperdal has made my depression worse, or at least that it's not helping. However my psychiatrist didn't seem to think this was a problem. So I feel desperate. Out of desperation I have decided to refuse taking the Risperdal, and when I see my psychiatrist in a week, I'm going to tell her that I won't take it anymore and that if she won't let me have an anti-depressant, then I want to try Abilify, since it's an anti-psychotic (which she insists I need to be on) but has stronger anti-depression properties. In my mind this plan makes sense and seems like the best thing I can do given the situation. Does it sound like it makes sense?