Am I driven by the need?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by the_me_that_you_know, Jul 19, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I would say no. I would say that I'm driven by the way life is treating me right now. Today the ER was kind to me :biggrin: (I shall not elaborate). I'm dealing w/ alot right now and am thankful that my mood is not the same mood I develope during my sober times. That mood is mentally unhealthy for me & potentially physically unhealthy for others as well..... :eek:hmy: so I keep wondering this:

    What is addiction anyway and how does it relate to me?

    I do/did not steal for my "medication". It's legal as well. It's easy(for some) to obtain. It's needed for reasons that are legitamate(physical pain). But the lengths I go to are questionable sometimes. Like today: I walked miles to/from the ER. Now my feet hurt. It only leaves me wondering about the level of my addiction, if it can even be so called.... :unsure:
     
  2. Update

    This is no laughing matter. I've been lucking out lately with getting pills. It makes things easier to deal with. And I have too much on my mind. I just want to sleep forever without certain "meds". If I have what I want they go quickly, due to my tolerance to them. I use them as a way to help get things done. Without them I hardly have the mental drive to do anything, exept go see a doctor for more. What's worse, around 70-80% of the time I succeed in replenishing my stash. I know this can't be good for me yet I don't care. It's like I need them. Without these "motivational meds" I could really develope a very bad atitude, which isn't good. Even as I type I'm waiting for the kick..... so I can spend all night/morn cleaning for the evil ones. That is the only way I can survive their terrorism. I'm taking plenty of caffeine with my meds as well, in order to stay active. I'm trapped in a bad situation.... but recently things in my life have been impossible to deal with. When the drugs kick I can cope by ignoring & focusing on better things, which is nearly impossible when I'm without meds. So I've been burning ER's, meaning they don't want to see me there anymore..... I've burned atleast 2 out of 14 to the ground yet that won't stop me. Private docs don't accept the kind of insurance that I have. ER's are the only option. I've just answered the title question of this thread. The only consolation I have is that I hide my pills from the evil one. She has her own, yet still wants mine, so I lie & keep it all to myself. I refuse to make any sacrifices for that ingrate! I'd rather take every last one & die just to show her how fucked up she is.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.