Am i G/F beater? (v.long)

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by PontyCruizer, Dec 11, 2007.

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  1. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    all my (now ex) g.f's family think i am and hate me now :(

    this is just how i became with the g/f i just split up with -
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    i was this lass from december 2005 till may 2007 - had a baby in april 2007 (9th)

    it was fantastic - then 3 weeks later she gets a text of this lad sayin he got her number from a mate - but instead saying she was taken and didnt wanna know him - she continued to text n talk to him - i never checked her phone - i trusted her - when she started textin him, she became crabby, bitchy, moody, me and her mum thought it was hormones or baby blues - we ddint know about this lad - the moodyness and textin went on for 3weeks - this 3rd week we got a visit from benefit ppl and they said cos her mum was out of a job and was claimin housin benefits, i couldnt stop there more an 3 nights a week - so i stayed wednesday night - my babies mum arranged for me to have the baby (daughter = Skye) while she went to her dads - she went to meet this lad (thursday) told me - told me early friday morning that she didnt wanna c me nomore - she said we had been arguin and not gettin on for about 3 weeks - which was true - so i didnt argue - i spoke to her mum and decided to give her space - saturday - i had Skye from 9am till 9:30pm - she said she was goin into town with mates shoppin - SHE WAS OUT WITH HER NEW B/F - gutted - gave her back at 9:30pm and she wouldnt let me give them a left home - i was sayin its cold, shes asleep in the car seat but she was admunt that she wanted me to put her in the buggy and she was gettin bus home - so i did - she said she would phone 20mins later when she got home - so i set off - her b/f was parked round the corner - he took em for a drive for a couple of hours n then took em home -but i didnt know he existed till i went to see Skye Wednesday - thinking shes had space and might wanna see me again, she told me all that above - so we was split for good

    a week later (friday) i went onto PlentyofFish and messaged someone who was 17miles away not thinkin i was lookin for anyone - just a chat -

    she was ace - i met her sunday and we had a great time -ive seen her everyday since may till november then sumot happened - i'll get on to that
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2007
  2. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    ive always ALWAYS believed that a man should ver hit a woman - no matter what - ive been brought up to resspect lasses etc - my g/f at the time - had told me that ALL her b/f had beat her up - EVERYONE of them had hit her - i was in shock and loved her even more for tellin me - i told her i would never touch her - i aint that sort of person - i would never touch a lass i told her -

    guess im g/f beater now tho :( - im wel gutted she dunt want me back -


    story begins



    anyways......about 4 weeks later i had fallen in love with her and she loved me too but during this 4 weeks my ex wouldnt let me see Skye cos she was always with the new b/f - but then they split up - and said i could have skye now and then - i was over the moon - my new g/f got jealous and scared that i was gu go back with her - i assured her that i wasnt goin too!

    she got mad one evening in her bedroom about her and lashed out n punched me in the face - i was in shock - i ignored it and it happened again - i said what you hit me for? she said sorry i was just pissed off - anyways - it happened either thursday night or saturday nights - i was there at her house everyday and night but her parents was in and went out thursday and saturday - so we either had sex or fell out - (this was june and july) we applied for a council house of our own - she was still hittin me and lashin outin august - i really pleaded wi her to stop hittin me - i tried to leave the house and she locked me in - i tried to climb out the window one 3 occasions - she dragged me bk in - i said im phonin police if u dont let me out - she wasnt bothered untill she saw me dialin then she would snatch the phone from me - one time i got out before she locked the door but she had my car keys - anyways - a new begginin i thought - 22nd august we moved into a house together - the rest of the month we didnt fall out - it was great - hard work paintin n movin stuff gettin carpets cooker washer etc - we was happy - then it was my b/day in september 9th - we was great - went 4 a meal - it was her b/day 30th - we went out to a couple of clubs - it was ace - (how ever i hadnt seen my daughter since august and was missin her) i got an email on the 17th October from the ex sayin its about time i saw Skye ( i wanted too but i only stopped cos she wanted me back and told me i couldnt see skye if i didnt get back with her but her family told her to let me see her) so i replyed sayin GREAT :D over the moon - told my g/f at the time and she was like.......dodgy.....moody and the jealousy came back out - 2days later i saw Skye for about 6hours - it was ace but because i went to my ex's house my g/f wasnt happy - when i got back she was in my face and i said nothing happened over and over but she dint beleive so i went to walk out n she said - yes thats it, go back and shag her etc then lashed out at me - i thought here we go again -

    bit u wont like


    i told her if she hit me again i would hit her back and wasnt standing for it nomore and that i didnt wanna lose her - she hit me more and just like all the other times i just stood there wi my arms down by my sides n took it like a man (or mug) -

    then the next day when we was calm i said u know im guna start hittin u back if u hit me dont u n she said she wouldnt -

    20 sumot of october - i went to see Skye again - oh dear - went back and she was hittin me again - so i held her handsthis time - 1st time i ever touched her - so she kicked me n kicked me - so i let go n she gave me one hit n started cryin - i gave her a cuddle n told her theres nowt to worry about i wouldnt cheat on u -

    beginiing of november - i went to see Skye again and took her from her house and brought to our new house so she didnt think i was in her house doing stuff - she was ace when i was there - went and dropped skye off a few hours later - didnt ven go i - just took buggy out of car and passed em to her mum at the doorstep -

    went back home - bloody hell - Y WAS U SO LONG - WHAT U BEEN DOIN WI HER NOW - all that crap - tried to calm her down but she hit me again - so i grabbed her arms again n like last time she kcked out over n over - i was sayin if u keep kickin me i will kick u bk - n she was sayin go on then - but i didnt - had skye couple of days later - the mum came onto me told me that she has never stopped lovin me n wanted me bk n b happy family n has had other b/f's n none of them treated her as good as i did - she tried to kiss me in the kitchen - i pulled away n left - not even seein skye - went bk home - the g/f said that was quick so i told her what happened - she got my mobile and called my ex = my ex told a pack of lies and said i came onto her n she kicked me out - i nearly choked on the lemonade i was drinkin - guess who she beleived - not me - so she went off again - i grabbed her hands and new was guna kick me so moved when i saw the legs comin but she followed up wi another which got me in my u know whatsits and i done sumot i shunt have dont - ive told her soo many times im sorry for kickin her back - but she stopped when i did (then she told her mum which i didnt know, that i had kicked her in an argument) then we argued again about the next time i was seein Skye - she went to hit me again n i grabbed her arms n she was kickin me n i told her i was guna kick her back if she dint stop - she said go on then - so again i stupidly did n she kept kickin me but i dint kick her bk but i didnt wanna leave her, i loved her, i just waned her to stop hittin me n kickin me n stop bein jealous when she was all i wanted - she told her mum again that i kicked out at her by phone still didnt know - that same night - before i was goin to see Skye next day, she started cryin sayin ur guna do sumot wi her 2mora aint u n i said no n she said, yes u r dont lie 2me - i thoug ere we go again - and it happened - she hit me again n again - n i was tellin her i would hit her bk - she threw a washin basket at me and it broke in to 3 pieces lol so i picked a piece up and threw back at her - then she came at me n whacked me so i grabbed her n tripped her up whislt holdin her n went to kneel down whilst still holdin her so she couldnt hit or kick me - she calmed down -we got up - she told her mum again - she told her dad - he came down - punched me and grabbed me by the throat and held me against the wall givin me load of verbal - touch her again n i'll kill u etc - i wa just stood there wi hands down by my side sayin - get the fuk off me (sorry 4 swear kids :D) and she was cryin n shoutin at him to get off me - then he did so i said im off - i'll see ya 2mora - i need space - then he got in car n left - i got car keys n left -

    told her i wanted to b freinds and didnt see her 4 a week - then i went bk - sunday 4pm till 10pm - it was great
    monday 5pm till 10pm - got a takeaway - it was fantastic -
    went bk thurday 4pm - stayed the night - had sex - it was great but had to take my gran shoppin so left about 12ish friday - he mum was stoppin at ther friday night so i went bk saturday about 1pm - stayed saturday night, all sunday, sunday night - had to go take gan for her pension monday so left bout 10am - she was sayin she wanted me bk AAAALLLLLL weekend - was gettin borin hearin her say she wanted me bk - i wanted her back too just dint wanna argue but sum1 who i aint in love with nomore - went bk tuesday 27th november - and she text me sayin when u get ere are goinout for freinds - so i sent bk freinds - but knew we would be bk together within an hour of me bein there - we fell out but it wasnt bad just moody wi each other cos she wanted me bk n i said freinds inthe text message so i went to give her cuddles n she said wats point in cudlin - u only wanna b freinds ive fucked up - i was guna say no i dont, i want u bk too when her phone rang - it was her mum - she wanted her for sumot so she said i was there, i'll ask him if he'll gi me a lift - so i said yes - when she asked after hangin up - i got off the sofa n she goes where u goin so i said wait in the car - BIGGEST MISTAKE AT THAT POINT, AT THE TIME I THINK I WAS PLAYIN HARD TO GET OR SUMOT BUT LOOKIN BACK WISH I NEVER GOT UP TILL SHE DID - THATS WHERE IT WENT WRONG - she came out n i was there wi my car door open - she slammed it into my leg - i go, what u doin? get in - she goes no. i'll walk - she walks to bus stop n her mum phones again askin where she is - i pull up at bus stop n shes tellin me to f-off n callin me an A-hole - so i park up the car, get out ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE - go over to her to cuddle her n shes not havin none of it so here comes another BIG MISTAKE - i spat at her :( i know i shouldnt have done but she got me sooo mad - then she pushed me, i pushed her back, went to hit me, i held her hands, she kicked me i kicked her back, she kicked me again, i kicked her back, she kicked me again - i et go f one hand, she kicked me again, i let go of both hands and she kicked me again - i stood there lookin at her shakin my head and she kicked me again n i said fuk this, im off, cant b doin wi this sh*t - shes still shoutin f-off n a-hole - so got in car n drove off -

    speak to her on msn - shes told me shes phoned police - spoke to her everyday since 27th wen it happened - each time we speak by text/phone/msn - we both say we love each other - want each other back - but she says she dunt want me to come to house till police sorted it cos her dad will moan -

    wednesday 5th january she says she misses me like crazy dosent want no1 else and hasnt liked anyone like that since meetin me - but can go bk out wi me till the police have sorted it - - told them i hit her on her arm - i said i never hit u on ur arm tho - i never hit u - she said i know but my dad told me to say it - please admit it cos i dont wana look like im liein - i dot wanna go to court n we both will have to if u dont admit hittin me - and then she said admit it n i'll go bk out wi u after a couple of days, cant now or straight after cos it will look funny to police - i said what if your dad moans if u go bk out wi me - she said she wasnt bothered as long as she had her mum, i said what if ur mum says she wont talk to to if u go bk out wi me - she said she wouldnt cos shes too soft -

    so i said ok - i'll admit it (i just wanted her bk - hadnt seen her a week) - 8:30am thursday last week - police turn up when im in bed - take me o nick under arrest for assualt - chuck me in a cell till 10:15 - interview me, i admit it - im bk in cell at 10:25am - at 12:15 they say theve spoke to her and shes accepted shes glad u admitted it and so are we so we will giveu a caution - it has to b divulged to employers when u go for interviews - etc

    so then i wait on msn from 1pm till 11pm - no sign - friday, speak to her on phone and tell her i admitted it and got a caution -

    she had someone else there - wasnt happy - he stayed there friday, all saturday, saturday night, all sunday, sunday night, all yesturday, and last night - he's goin bk home for a few hours today but goin bk later on -

    shes been doin stuff wi him since saturday - but told me she still wanted me bk friday and loved me n missed me -

    lastnight she was sayin she still loved me and missed me but dunt wanna go bk out wi me now cos shes seein how it goes wi him - told him BEFORE 27th of november that she likes him - which is wen she was still tryin to get bk wi me! i feel such a mug!! now i got a caution on my record :( maybe i deserve it - i admit i should never have started kickin herback but i just wanted her to stop - i had never cheated on her with anyone n never would - now i aint got the chance :(

    i feel that if i hadnt started kickin her bkthose 3 times, that i would still have her - shes told me, if i hadnt of touched her bk, she would still b wi me n lovin me more than what she did - but when i started kickin her back she started to lose love for me - and then started talkin to him on msn - she met him on friday 4 1st time and been wi him since - it makes me feel like i ment nothing to her!!

    im gutted - but i know i lost her because i hit/kicked her back :(
    i just wish she trusted me not to cheat - expecially wi some1 that broke my heart like Skye's mum did - if only she thought i was guna cheat on her with a stranger or sumot i could just say please trust me, but with some1 i almost hate, its laughable - but its caused her to get violent - i tried leavin her, but i couldnt, i love her too much - i told her weeks in advance i would hit her bk but she didnt stop - after 1st time i kicked her bk i thought she'd stop - its happened bout 3times ithink since -

    maybe i deserve all this hurt - she's put webcam on all weekend and all it is, is her n him cuddlin and her run her fingers through his hair n them been all lovey dovey like me n her was wen she wasnt thinkin bout my ex -

    im sooo gutted ive lost her but i didnt think my kickin her bk would make her leave me - i thought HOPED it would make her see that she cant keep lashin out wen she gets stressed -

    im ready for all ur comments if you've read this far -

    i know most of you i goin to hate me but noone can hate me asmuch as i hate myself for doin that -

    no matter if you hate me that much for hittin a lass that u wanna track me down and put me in a coma and make me feed through a tube, nothing can hurt me as much as seein her on webcam wi someone else -

    i feel i should b pissed off but that wont achieve anything - its my fault, i shouldnt have done anything back to her, i know that - i thought i would never hit a lass in my life - but i just wanted her to stop - i didnt wanna leave/lose her :( and now i have - and too some1 else - if he didnt exist i know she would b back wi me and we would have spent the weekend together - not him - but i pushed her to him - im well gutted -

    i keep playin said songs over n over - ive made it to 4 on mt playlist now that i have on repeat -

    the most i have on repeat is westlife - forever - i keep cryin to it :(

    im a 23 yr old guy and i aint done anything but cry since friday -

    ""im a 23 year old guy" "guy" i dont have the right to be a "guy" nomore after what i done -

    when she told me what her other ex's had done, i hated them cos she was fantastic - i saw one when i was with her and i wanted to do sumot - but she dint want me too so i didnt - no im one of them - :(
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hey there,

    Just to let you know i've read all of your post and i don't hate you at all. My father was violent towards my mum so i have been through a domestic situation.

    Just wanna start off by saying that from reading your posts you seem like a nice guy to me who loves their daughter very much and is willing to do anything for her.

    You've admitted that you we're in the wrong for lashing back out at her. Yes that was wrong but so was HER hitting YOU. Domestic violence doesn't just mean that the man hits the woman. In my opinion she was the one being violent towards you and from the sound of it, it was going on for quiet a while.

    You lashed out at her after going through this so many times and tbh honest, if i was in your situation i would of probably done the same (as bad as it sounds) No one has the right to hit another person and that includes a female hitting a man. In my eyes you we're the one suffering domestic violence.

    She was in the wrong just as much as you were if not more.

    I hope you get this sorted and decide to stick around on the forum.

    Sending my love to you and your daughter Skye (which i must say is a beautiful name)
     
  4. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    sorry 4 spelling, its dark and bulbs gone lol

    thanx for your love and support - i just feel its my fault cos if it wasnt, she would want me back no someone else :(

    , i think that time is a great healer - shes on msn now n her name is Annmarie Lovin Kieth Loads Love ya Baby - Missin ur Millions

    wi love hearts - cant believe her - its like i n the last 7 month ment nothing to her - she was sayin she wanted me back friday afternoon - he went to her house which was mine to for 4month - friday evening - he's been wi since till dinner time today and comin back later - i aint suicidal nomore - im pissed off at myself for bein a mug - i wish i just got out in june when it started or even july -

    how can she says she loves me when shes doin stuff wi him n wont even see me - shes told all her family that i hit her n she never hit me - i feel such a mug

    might feel suicidal 2night wen i try go sleep - thats always worst - and wen i have music on too that makes me think i wont get over her - but wen ive just seen her name missin kieth - its really annoyed me made me think if i mean that much to her to b over me with a click of the fingers then - fuck her - me hittin her, was me tryin to stop her hittin me, not me gettin mad n just lashin out, i actually thought about it - wish i never did n we would still b 2gether but she would probs still hittin me but aleast i would still see her n hold her wen i go to bed n wake up wi her on a mornin - mayb that was the price - a few digs now n then for her love - i wish i paid it instead givin her the price bk if that makes sense lol

    i really miss her wen im calm - like now im calmer than wen i 1st writin this - i am calmer n i miss her n wish i was wi her again - but she wants this other fella she's only met 4 days ago - that was annoys me - the fact that she was wi me 7 month - she dint do owt wi me for over amonth after goin out - she already sone stuff wi him - it sooo annoys me - count to 10 - breath -

    wen im calm - miss her - when i think bout how to get her back - i cant - im sooo annoyed that i oviuosly ment so little to her!!

    y is that one person can really love another person but the other person just wants to hurt the other person

    if i hadnt of hit her bk to make her stop, she would stll love me and we's b together still, but because i hit her back in an attempt to make her stop hittin me, she looked on internet for another b/f and just played/strung me along till she met him - :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2007
  5. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I'm a firm believer that a women hitting a guy is as morally wrong as a guy hitting a women. Granted, hitting her back was wrong (but you described it as defending yourself), but she was definitely more in the black as she initiated it and kept on hitting you. Hope you work through this okay, as it's definitely a bad situation.
     
  6. Dare to Dream

    Dare to Dream Staff Alumni

    Ponty I have reall all of your post and I do not hit you. SHE was in the wrong first of all for hitting YOU. I have been where you are. Like vikki said domestic violence isnt just when a man hits a woman but also when a woman hits a man. It is not your fault that she went looking for another man. Thats all her own fault. I hope that you get to see your daughter again soon.
     
  7. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    sounds like you have had a really hard time, and all tell you one thing do not admit to the police that you hit her, you are going to effect your life forever if you do that, and your baby too. then you will have that label... tell the truth and dont see her again its only a matter of time tell it happens again and maybe even worse, you have had enough.... now dont go back you will regret it... thats for sure.
     
  8. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    thanx guys for your support -

    i was expectin a lynch mob after me for admitin to hittin a female -

    its been a big help findin this forum - thanx people :)

    edit lol ---------

    can i just ask that,

    if she came on here sayin she was in a relationship with someone (i.e me) and he started hittin her after 6month - so she phoned the police, admitted to you that she told him she would go bk wi him if he admitted it whilst she was talkin to another guy to try n move on from the "abusive" relationship and help her out of the state of depression and suicidal thoughts (if she had any, she hasnt cos shes constantly laughin and goin out - ive been in bed since friday - aint eaten, only had one can of orange fanta which was sunday) -

    but anyways.........if she had come on here sayin shes found some1 else to help her out of feelin down about bein hit/kicked.........would you all be sayin "good on you, i hope this new guy makes u happy" cos if i wasnt the other guy in the relationship and just read that on here, i'd probably say that - not knowin shes provoked him for over 4 month and had a several warnings he was going to up2 3weeks inadvance before he hit her and kicked her back -

    just a thought i had :S
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2007
  9. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    those girls where lucky to have a guy like you, by the sounds of things, you deserve someone that is going to treat you like you treat them, so all tell you to take the time, to find someone like you and stop being treated like this please
     
  10. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Ok I'm going to be blunt here and I'm sorry in advance if I upset you but I'm just being honest. I think you should try and distance yourself from her as much as you can. From reading your thread and everything you have said I have read more bad about her than good. You're a victim in all of this; yes, kicking her was bad but read back over what you've said in this thread, she has A LOT of anger which she struggles to contain, you were very patient and I'm surprised you put up with it for so long. You deserve better. Please don't feel too bad about this, you reached your limits, I only wish you left her before it got to the stage where you reacted. Take care of yourself. :hug:
     
  11. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    thank you resistance and incombustible2000

    i know you are right in everyway - (dunno bout the they was lucky to have me bit, that makes me big headed :)) but i deleted her number from my mobile/cell phone and ive blocked and deleted her from msn - im just goin to miss her like crazy -
    if i had known she would look for someone else tho if i hit her back, i would robably put up with it because of a stupid thing called love lol - but then if she loved me, she would trust me not to cheat on her or at least not lash out on me the amount of times she did -

    ive just called my daughters mum and she wouldnt answer so i left a message sayin "hi, i miss Skye terribly, is she ok? are you ok? i still care for you, i will always care for you even when im 50 years old but im not in love with you nomore, i hope u have a b/f that you will love so u dont want me back and will let me see Skye cos i dont want a relationship with you, i just wanna see my Skye"

    she hasnt text back yet but its only been 30 minutes - she may be in bed or hopefully with a b/f -
     
  12. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    I guess if you dont know the whole situation, then thats what happens, people would say to the girl who was hit, say leave him, and you deserve better ... and on and on, but when you know the whole situation, which you have gone to great lengths to explain.

    You are a good guy, if not you would not of felt like this or even posted, your general concern shows that you care and are trying to make the right decision.

    I am glad that you are coming to terms with the situation, and relizing what you need to do from here.

    Give up on people treating you this way, there are nice girls lots of them.... you just have to stop going in the pattern you are, and putting up with so much....

    your being a push over, now give yourself a chance to have a good life and promise yourself, not to get put through this anymore... if you dont make changes in your life you could end up in a situation like this agian and again, and you deserve better.

    lots of guys have this problem, getting beat on, and trying to leave and not do something they will regret, but if you end up sticking around this lady you will end up in this situation again and again and one time you might end up really hitting... after shes pushed you, then you will end up hating yourself for doing it, even if you are provoked,
    some people bring the worst in use... and You must stay away from them because if you end up doing something stupid then you will not be able to change it and hate yourself, and you have a child to be there for, many people on here have grown up without a father, or a father that beat the crap out of them, or sexually abused them or mentally abused them, so if you are willing to be there for your child, do not allow anyone to take that away from your child.

    remember the people that are hurting you, because it could hurt the relationship between you and your child, and you want to set a good example, but what I am saying is that children learn from example.
    and you have to be whatever you want your children to become, and if you agree and say that you hit here, you may have to explain that to your children someday, they are to young to know now, but someday.. and when your children see you in a relationship, thats how they will learn to be in relationship.

    I think you have made a good decision comeing here, and learning from other experience and thoughts. so take care and wish you the best...
     
  13. PontyCruizer

    PontyCruizer Well-Known Member

    thank you once again - i havent posted today - ive been to the job centre, ive even eaten :) i had a sandwich which im glad about and i had a bottle of fanta :) i only ate tho cos my gran noticed i been in bed since friday and hadnt been in the kitchen to eat so she made me it and i couldnt say no - didnt want to say no tbh, its not i havent been eatin cos i was wantin to starve myself, i just aint felt hungry enough to get something - lost my appetite in other words -

    i havent spoke to her but i was n still am really tempted just ask how she is but i know theres no point now -

    i have played some sad songs tho earlier - thought i could listen to them with out gettin emotional but....maybe tomorrow

    thanx and take care yourself :hug:

    oh n Skyes mum didnt reply just to keep you updated :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2007
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