I was worried today because I felt that I might lose my temper and feel that I would want to kill myself. It was very strange. I was at a restaurant with some people and I was getting tired. I have been feeling down lately because I am worried that I would start to develop tinnitus (sometimes I start hearing echoes), and for some reason I was feeling old (I am in my mid 20s). I was worried from the air conditioning because I once had a full blown panic attack because I got really cold from the air conditioning and now I am feeling that since I can't stand the air conditioning, I can't stand loud noises and possibly crowds, and add on top of that I might have developed tremors from a mild benzodiazepine dependence, what is left for me to enjoy myself? I was trying to hold chop sticks and I felt that I will become so old that I will not be able to use chop sticks anymore. I started to get worried that I would become so depressed that I would start to feel that it is getting time to kill myself. I remember when I started to have suicidal ideations and it was not pleasant at all. I am worried about the day when I will feel that I am ready to take my own life. I am really dreading it. How will I deal with it? For some reason I felt that I was getting closer to that feeling and I tried my best to block that. I have been able to block these feelings before but that was when I was living in the US and there were emergency rooms that would help me with these issues. Now I am living in a developing country where these resources are not available. How will I deal with these new suicidal issues when they come up? Am I ready to handle them? I am panicking big time and I am not sure how I will cope. How will I handle my deteriorating health while I am still young? I am getting worried about going out because of my worry of loud noises and if there is air conditioning, I am worried about that. Now on top of it I am worried that I will not be able to use chop sticks anymore? I have coped with suicidal issues before, most probably I will be able to handle them again, but again that was when I was able to visit the ER and talk about them to a certified professional. How am I going to deal with this? I am not feeling great. What am I going to do?