Am I getting to a place that is really difficult?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by roksy, Sep 28, 2012.

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  1. roksy

    roksy Well-Known Member

    I was worried today because I felt that I might lose my temper and feel that I would want to kill myself. It was very strange. I was at a restaurant with some people and I was getting tired. I have been feeling down lately because I am worried that I would start to develop tinnitus (sometimes I start hearing echoes), and for some reason I was feeling old (I am in my mid 20s). I was worried from the air conditioning because I once had a full blown panic attack because I got really cold from the air conditioning and now I am feeling that since I can't stand the air conditioning, I can't stand loud noises and possibly crowds, and add on top of that I might have developed tremors from a mild benzodiazepine dependence, what is left for me to enjoy myself? I was trying to hold chop sticks and I felt that I will become so old that I will not be able to use chop sticks anymore.

    I started to get worried that I would become so depressed that I would start to feel that it is getting time to kill myself. I remember when I started to have suicidal ideations and it was not pleasant at all. I am worried about the day when I will feel that I am ready to take my own life. I am really dreading it. How will I deal with it? For some reason I felt that I was getting closer to that feeling and I tried my best to block that.

    I have been able to block these feelings before but that was when I was living in the US and there were emergency rooms that would help me with these issues. Now I am living in a developing country where these resources are not available. How will I deal with these new suicidal issues when they come up? Am I ready to handle them? I am panicking big time and I am not sure how I will cope.

    How will I handle my deteriorating health while I am still young? I am getting worried about going out because of my worry of loud noises and if there is air conditioning, I am worried about that. Now on top of it I am worried that I will not be able to use chop sticks anymore?

    I have coped with suicidal issues before, most probably I will be able to handle them again, but again that was when I was able to visit the ER and talk about them to a certified professional. How am I going to deal with this?

    I am not feeling great. What am I going to do?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do you have someone you trust to talkto. Is there a church person in your area who can talk to you council you they are trained to help people. What abt a school a councillor there or students who are taking psychology training all can help you hun Come here hun ok keep talking here lots of people will give you support to help you when you are down hugs I have been talking to Samaritans they are so very helpful as well hun perhaps log into their site as well hugs
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Go see a doctor about your hearing, see if you can get referred to ent specialist. Get some ear plugs for the time being. Keep a journal, write down your day, how you felt, etc. Join some classes, go to church, try to hangout with people if possible. See a pt if possible or someone qualified in the field, your doctor should be able to help, if not try a uni psychology department and ask there. Read, exercise, be creative and above all be compassionate to yourself.

    God Bless
  4. roksy

    roksy Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys for the replies.

    Total eclipse, since I am residing outside of the UK and its vicinity I believe it will be more difficult to contact the Samaritans. I have contacted them to see if they can provide me with service.

    exhend, I visited two doctors and they say that my hearing is fine. I am still not convinced. I might visit another ent. I feel a little awkward to wear ear plugs as I wonder what people would think that I am wearing them and I am still in my mid 20s. What if this is a permanent issue, I will be known as the person who wears ear plugs?

    I keep a journal, I am taking an exciting class now (but since there is air conditioning in the class I am constantly nervous, I try to practice my spirituality. I've seen psychotherapists but I am not sure they are understanding what I am going through. Even the good ones.

    How could a university psychology department help? How do I contact them?
  5. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    A university psychology department would have great contacts with various psychologists who could really help you. I would imagine have a look online and call them up for information. Btw if the ear plugs are embarassing why not not try closed back earphones, they should protect your hearing a bit.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Allergy meds have been known to help people with tinnitus ask your pharmacist as well there is medication out there for tinnitus i just forget the name dam the pharmacist should know it is a natural medication that has been know to help There is invisible ear plugs as well I do hope you can get some help hun I know my husbands suffers from tinnitus and he finds having low music going help to drown out the noise
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