Am I going insane, or am I sane to know maybe I need to leave this world?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hurt-Ruined, May 15, 2010.

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  1. Hurt-Ruined

    Hurt-Ruined New Member

    What would you do? Bullied by my manager for several months to the point I had to make formal complaint, was about to get my career that meant the world to me, I might still do, but he is like Jekhyl and Hyde and will lie (the manager) - with my luck he will come out smiling. Someone who used to help people in their career? Now wants to kill themself. I know how I'd do it as don't have a gun.

    I want to knock down a bottle of vodka, wine, pills and leave a note on my body saying 'DO NOT REVIVE' as even concerned if I try to kill myself, that won't work either and I'll be brain damaged. Sorry for this message. It's Saturday nite - most are out PARTYING or with loved ones. I can't tell my Dad, he is 70, I can't tell anyone I KNOW how I really feel. I put on a facade. This is me. Before I lived. Now I just exist, worrying every day, and night about my career and injustice and workplace bullies. Maybe I could have coped better had I not been beaten up by a man for six months 3 yrs ago. I'm very sensitive to what's not right. If I leave this world I leave my twin sister, I hate to think of what that will do to her, but this horrid thought of killing myself keeps coming back. My mum is dead, she died when I was 16. I was hoping I will meet her in heaven. Thank you for reading this.
     
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear that you have such a hard time at your job. I can relate, I have a co-worker who is always buddy buddy with me when I am around. However, when I am out for a day he tries to make me look like an idiot. It gets really annoying, luckily for me he has no credibility.

    How long have you had your job? If you have had it for at least a year then you should be able to find another one. You always run the risk of workplace bullies, funny how bullies never disappear.
     
  3. Hurt-Ruined

    Hurt-Ruined New Member

    Thank you for yr reply, I've been in my job for 5 yrs, due to graduate this year. It does not feel likely. My career meant the world to me. He destroyed it. Unless he is proved guilty of being a BULLY. I know others who have complained about him. If he isn't proved guilty, I really want to kill myself as have no job, no savings, no income. It maybe for the wrong reasons but the emotional turmoil is driving me crazy. I have self harmed due to him, I don't do that now as I don't want anyone to see my scar burns. I don't want to drink wine to try and forget - it makes me more sad. Thank you again for yr kind response.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2010
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