Am I having a psychotic break?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by FireBird, Nov 16, 2008.

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  1. FireBird

    FireBird Well-Known Member

    I hope the answer is no but to outsiders that is what it might be. I am having severe thought insertion as mentioned before with the government. Everyone should love the gov because they like to mess with your mind. They are telling me increasingly bizarre thoughts but I believe them because I feel them. Sometimes while I am in the car, they tell me they are going to kill me through a satellite armed with laser beams that will fire and kill me and possibly others around me. Sometimes they control my movements and thoughts. It is because I have a chip in my brain that was implanted by them. It is hard for me to focus on my art because of the thought insertion. It is not voices or hallucinations. They also said I am responsible for the Great Depression or recession or whatever you want to call it and the stock market. I keep on freezing because of what they tell me. Sometimes they tell me not to move and if I do, I will die. I also feel these nanobots inside of me moving around under my skin. It feels like bugs crawling. How fun. A few days ago I saw black footprints leading into my house and they were cloaked FBI/CIA agents and they put a bomb in my neck. I also see their shadows on the walls occasionally. Also I have been getting disorganized speech around 30% of the day but not this second of course. You can see it in some of my other posts. Random stuff comes out of my mouth and I don't make any sense during that time. Its probably the chip that is messing with my speech center in my non existent brain. No human has a brain, how hard is it to go the speed limit while driving or not to pass in no passing zones? I even feel the nanobots in my brain that I supposedly have. I am NOT making any of this up. Also according to the government, I am slowly turning into a robot that weighs 5,000 pounds and can't die except through the government. I feel parts of my body turning into metal. Sometimes I feel like I am floating and heavy at the same time but that is impossible. So, am I neurotic or psychotic? Am I having a break from reality? I don't think so but I need outside people to tell me. I believe I know what reality is but the docs don't. What do I do about this?
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    This sounds a lot like paranoid schizophrenia, the paranoia, word salad and hallucinations being the key signs as I understand the disorder. You need to understand that you are not experiencing reality when you feel many of the things you just said, and you need to get help from doctors.
  3. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    Hi Firebird,

    You are aware that you have autism. Here is an interesting article that theorizes the connection between autism and schizophrenia

    Another article suggests that children with autism frequently have a parent with schizophrenia

    I would suggest you discuss your experiences with your current therapist. I like your art btw!

  4. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    My freind said to try Geodon *dunno
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    your post was so interesting.

    you're actually questioning it though, the language you use, 'disorganised speech' and 'thought insertion' , are very psychiatric terms.

    and when it does seem like it's happening because you feel it, physically, yeah- that's when it can get terrifying.

    are you scared? all that sounds very scary. :hug:

    i've gone through similar experiences. and it was absolutely horrific and not enjoyable. i've just shut off a lot of media influence, it really fucks with my mind.

    have you tried just lying down and trying to envison those nanobots, the feelings of control that i see on your post, just melting away? when i feel completely taken over by the outside and highly anxious, i do feel a lot like you. the outside becomes me. and i melt with everything around me. like you have absolutely no control over your life, no sense of autonomy (and so many people feel this). like those lights, everything outside, the no pass zone, it's that sense of everything outside monitoring, controlling you and how you'd like to just break out of that (i've wandered in the street a lot because of needing to get out of those lights controlling me, when to walk, when not to, it can make one feel like one doesn't have a brain). people are pretty much mindless drones aren't they, when you think about it? when you start to feel like one of them, it can get terrifying.

    when i've felt increasingly powerless about what was happening to me, i felt like you. and the feeling of floating,heaviness- when i'm dissociating/split/extremely stressed, my whole body can feel very robotic. it's a bit like feeling very stressed, stress can make the body feel very mechanical/unreal/tense.

    suppose the question is, what would you like to happen? do you want to feel more in control of things? is what is happening scaring you a lot? maybe it would be helpful to talk to a therapist.

    doctors will say you're psychotic, yeah. so will lots of people and mainly, the only option they give you are antipsychotics but there are therapists who will try and make these feelings less awful, if they are bothering you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2008
  6. FireBird

    FireBird Well-Known Member

    Its getting real bad. I am nearly breaking down in tears and that is something that I rarely do. They are telling me to cut the bomb and the nanobots out if I want to live. I am feeling them crawling under my skin and it is freaking me out. I want to live so badly because I am starting to have success in my life. I don't want this to ruin my success because if the gov destroys my chances of being a success, I will be depressed again. We sold more cards today and that makes me happy. I know next year is going to be great for us but sadly the recession will continue to get worse and worse until it becomes a Great Depression. I am also thought broadcasting in stores. Some people stare at me because of my unusual thoughts. I don't want to go to the hospital because I am happy and I have a show this weekend that is supposed to be big. 3,500 people supposedly go to it. I don't want to mess up. I am NOT suicidal. I take my poison pills. I feel the pressure in my neck in where the bomb is. I thought I heard it beeping but I'm not sure if that was real or not. They tell me to freeze (catatonia) or the bomb will kill me and everyone else in the store or wherever I am. I heard the footsteps of the cloaked FBI/ CIA agents today. They are somewhere in the house. Maybe in the middle of the night they will do more to me and I don't want that to happen. By the way, I am absolutely scared that I will die because of this. I just know a lot about psychology since I suffer from it. Its good to educate yourself on what you have or potentially have so that is why I know the psychiatric terms. Sometimes I know more than the doctors! They have even admitted that!
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Firebird :hug:

    Telling someone in real life about this will not necessarily mean an inpatient admission.

    You sound absolutely terrified and in a lot of pain but you're not going to die. You sound terrified because you're feeling very perscuted and invaded, which sounds absolutely horrific. Although the feelings of something invasive inside (bombs, nanobots) of you that is going to kill you off feels very real- from reading your post you do sound under a lot of pressure to be able to perform in whatever show you're putting on recently, and pressure to be successful and to do what others want you to do.

    Is there anyway that you can see yourself as independent from nanobots, and whatever you're going through and try and gently, lets say get rid of them without any cutting? I was wondering about massaging your skin and imagining them to dissolve and melt away.

    There are ways of getting rid of these feelings without dying, harming yourself.

    Please let someone know in real life what you're going through. They will help the feelings of persecution, of the FBI/CIA agents following you, they'll help them to go away and for you to feel a lot more safer, relaxed and not feeling under so much pressure.

    What medication are you taking?

    Let us know how you're doing. The doctors won't necessarily put you in a hospital but might give you something to relax and sleep.
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