am i insane

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sunny, Jul 6, 2008.

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  1. sunny

    sunny Member

    Things have got a bit bad again. I had my usual psychotherapy group last tuesday and then my appointment with my consultant psychotherapist and cpn afterwards. It didnt go well. I used to have a really good relationship with both of them but now its more about tolerating. I told them how I had been to see my gp about getting medication because i was really struggling again, he gave me diazapam, which has really helped. When I told my therapist and cpn they were annoyed with me because i hadnt tried to call them to tell them how i felt, thing is i did, and my cpn asked me if i felt safe, i said no and she told me shed call me again soon to see how i was. what was the point? My therapist asked me if i would tell them if i had any plans to end my life and would i tell them, i said no and what was the point, and that i was quite content just taking a pill or to to take the edge off at the moment, to which her reply was 'so your plan is now to become a valium junkie?', i wanted to scream at her. It really upsets me because the last time i told them what i would do and when and i went and did it straight after the meeting, then they had a go at me for not talking to them about it, well hello!!!then they say that now im making them live with the worry of whether i will turn up or not to the next session because i wont tell them what my plans are. It makes no difference even if i do they dont want to acknowledge it. Im feeling worse and worse each day and its even worse than before because now i really have no where to turn. ive been in bed all weekend surfing the net today for the easiest and quickest ways that i could end my life. what do i do? i think ive given up.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    That is what my therapist told me. She said I don't care anymore and that I have given up. She's probably right. I really don't give a shit about myself, now helping others is the one thing I do care about. Even when I make an ass out of myself. Just keep moving forward and don't dwell on the past.
    I don't think your insane you made the right choices. Who says you would even have got ahold of anyone. I wish my docs would give me valuim to help with my thoughts. It won't happen here. The docs at ACT won't prescribe any meds that you can get high on. Hell my mom has been on valuim ever since I could remember. No I don't think your insane you are just seeking answers. Good Luck in your search!!:chopper:!!
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't think you are insane at all. You took steps to make sure you were safe and the others should have understood that. The meds were prescribed to you. It is not like you got them illegally for the purpose of getting high. Just make sure you are careful.Take one day at a time. That is all you can do. :hug:
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    That fact that you are asking if you are insane proves that you are not insane. In fact you seem to be very smart and insightful, but just in a lot of pain and seem to be feeling like no one hears you or is helping you like you want or need to be helped.

    Frustrating as hell, I know. But you are not insane, if anything you are smarter than most of the people that are "helping" you. Give yourself some credit for hanging on this long, and keep hanging on, and keep reaching out, someone will hear you and be able to help you. Don't give up.
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    You don't sound insane at all. Tell your therapist to cool it or you'll take further action. They shouldn't act as if they are above you. Best of luck.
  6. Blueberry

    Blueberry Active Member

    You dont' sound insane, ie, psychotic. You sound like you have a mood disorder and are in the process of trying to cope/treat it.

    You sound very sane -- and you sound like you know what it's going to take to get through this. Keep validating your truth, no matter what others say.
  7. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Shows that they are not really helping if you went and did it straight after the meeting. Sometimes I think that can be a trigger in itself. I had a doctor at work, who made me give a verbal undertaking that I would not do it and she said if I ever made an attempt that I would be sectioned. Straight after seeing her I did an attempt. Also had a guy make me promise over the phone not to do anything and I OD 'ed straight after talking to him.
  8. sunny

    sunny Member

    thanks for your reply guys, this site is the only place i have left where i can be honest and get a response. i have my pychotherapy group tomorrow and im really stressing about going, im not really in the mood to be analyzed and when they dont get it right i tell them and they dont like that so i cant even talk about anything. theres so much i want to tell them i just dont know how to. they want to talk about my past and what happened when i was growing up to make me leave home i just cant seem to talk about it though and i dont understand why thats important, has it got anything to do with how i feel now? i really want to disappear and its getting harder to fight the feeling of ending my life only if i say anything they either ignore me or have a go at me. my head is all over the damn place and the people i should be able to talk to just dont seem to want to know.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What happened in your past can definitely have something to do with how you feel now. I am not sure you need to share it in group if you are not comfortable in doing that, but you should share with you counselor. Is it possible for you to find another counselor? This one does not seem to be working for you and if you can't have a good relationship with them it doesn't work well. Something for you to consider anyway.
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