Things have got a bit bad again. I had my usual psychotherapy group last tuesday and then my appointment with my consultant psychotherapist and cpn afterwards. It didnt go well. I used to have a really good relationship with both of them but now its more about tolerating. I told them how I had been to see my gp about getting medication because i was really struggling again, he gave me diazapam, which has really helped. When I told my therapist and cpn they were annoyed with me because i hadnt tried to call them to tell them how i felt, thing is i did, and my cpn asked me if i felt safe, i said no and she told me shed call me again soon to see how i was. what was the point? My therapist asked me if i would tell them if i had any plans to end my life and would i tell them, i said no and what was the point, and that i was quite content just taking a pill or to to take the edge off at the moment, to which her reply was 'so your plan is now to become a valium junkie?', i wanted to scream at her. It really upsets me because the last time i told them what i would do and when and i went and did it straight after the meeting, then they had a go at me for not talking to them about it, well hello!!!then they say that now im making them live with the worry of whether i will turn up or not to the next session because i wont tell them what my plans are. It makes no difference even if i do they dont want to acknowledge it. Im feeling worse and worse each day and its even worse than before because now i really have no where to turn. ive been in bed all weekend surfing the net today for the easiest and quickest ways that i could end my life. what do i do? i think ive given up.