Am I invisible or what???!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FallingStar, Oct 16, 2008.

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  1. FallingStar

    FallingStar Member

    So you dont know me but I talk alot, I mean ALOT. So here it goes...
    I have lost 4 friends in the past month (no they havent died just decided they are better then me). The first one Shaun- He was a complete jerk and I dont care about loosing him BUT, we met through a friend of mine and we became close we kissed a couple times and then I found out he was making out with some other chick and now thinks I am a psychotic bitch and wants nothing to do with me. The second one Madison- I have known her all my life and it fuckin hurts, I think shes there for me and has enough patience to deal with my problems (elsewise she wouldnt of been my friend for this long) and then yesterday she text me and says we cant be friends anymore cuz I am sick of dealing with your problems. And so I say fine (cuz I am tired of dealin with people that just dont care anymore) and today she text me and says that shes thought about it and wants to be friends with me but just needs to take a break from me. My response "NO, cuz your just gonna do this again and I dont need to feel guitly about nothing"
    IDK did I do the right thing there?
    And the 3rd and final friend Tray- I texted him cuz I had his number cuz my friend gave it to me to give to my friend who Tray likes. I had no right to do that but, I did and its causing sooo many unecassary problems! I get told from Trays friend that Tray is lieing to me and pretneding to me my friend and that Tray hates me. Tray denies it all and cuz he IS my friend I belive what he says not what his friend says. But now I am hearing it from more then one person and IDK what to do. I feel soo bad like ALL this is my fault. And I keep telling him sorry and I dont want to loose him but, is he just still staying my friend cuz I am forcing him too? Am I being to paranoid? I just want to be able to belive him and NOT worry that when I am textin him or calling him he is telling his friend corey about what I am saying. I feel so freakin torn and its killing me. We agreeed not to talk at all for a week and I wont talk to him EVER again unless he text me first.

    I went to church today. And started crying the second we started singing. I was shakin soo bad and I bit my lip so hard to keep calm that my lip started bleeding. And no one said anything to me., no one cares :(
    Lindsey in church she started crying about something else and her friend comforted her and I realized I dont have any friends that care enough to say its gonna be ok and give me a hug

    I feel like I am screaming and no one dares to look at me.
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    We can't sit next to you on the church pew and hug you, but we're here to listen and support you the best we can. Keep talking.

  3. monkeypunchluff

    monkeypunchluff Well-Known Member


    First, you shouldn't care about what random people think about you. The only person who's opinion matters is your own. As for Shaun, he does sound like a real ass, so no loss in my opinion.

    For Madison, sometimes even our best friends can get overwhelmed. I wouldn't take her reaction personally. There are times I can't even deal with my own family (those that I'm actually close to), because they have too much drama. The biggest thing is that if we care for someone, it hurts when we see them in pain; it especially hurts if we don't see them doing anything to bring about a change. Simple things like medication, therapy, and coming up with a plan to eliminate your underlying problems are all ways to improve yourself. Generally, when we see someone trying hard to change themselves for the better, we want to help support them. Always nice to have close friends, might be good to reestablish contact...

    With Tray, the most you can do is take him at his word. Leave it up to him to contact you, but make sure he knows it. Sometimes even close friends do not keep in regular contact, so if he doesn't know, he might not call for a while.

    Sorry, I have nothing on the Church thing. Since I don't go myself :S

    Good luck my dear.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    There isn't much I can say because I haven't had any friends in the last fifteen years. I just wanted to let you know that we are here to listen to you!!! Here at the forum everyone has different problems and I am sure you can find some who relate to you. Go into the chat room. There are alot of people using it rather than the SFor theDF. You can PM and just spill your guts or vent to let out the anger. Please take Care and I am here for you if you need to talk!!~Joseph~
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