seems a bit of a obvious answer! I asked myself today is this really what i want? to die? In one hand i cant cope with being without my ex, i cant stand the pointing and laughter, the person i have become and the way i have just totally f****d up everything good i've had. And in the other i have my beliefs, that death is the begining of the journey. It just seems like im bottling it up hiding behind my beliefs i'm so confused:sad: i have convinced myself that i don't want this life but i dont know what i want anymore i hate feeling like this the only time i'm happy anymore is when i think about dying. Surley its not natural to be unafraid of death, is it? I have a re-evaluation with my cpn today. i dont want to tell her what im saying here cos ill probly got straight to the padded cells. my family dont even know how i feel they just think im not happy. I really dont want to be here, everyone is gonna be better off without me, i never asked for this life but it is mine none the less, so i can choose to end it. I'm just worried i may not be doing the right thing. Leaving everyone just seems so right, the only time im happy anymore is when i think about whats on the otherside, what if i am crazy? what if i just have some sort of attention seeking disorder? why am i even here telling you people this? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!?? :lost: Nothings gonna stop me from going, the doc's can give me all the pills and the counciling they can throw at me, my family can rant all they want about how selfish im being. Why am i even waiting? the longer im here the more pain im causing, to myself as well as others it's all unnecessary pain. theres gotta be at least a hundred pills in this house ive got enough money for a bottle of jack daniels. All i have to do is write my last letter(s) then i can just go. Whats stopping me?