I need some sort of reality check with this one because, I've been finding myself discarding friends but feeling immediate guilt over them. Like, even though I know they haven't really demonstrated that well to me into being a friend. Like not communicating often, not being there, not being as supportive or so. Whatever I felt was the reason, I disbanded them from me. Regardless of anything they've done and it just hurts to do. And I want to avoid the yo-yo effect as much as possible, because everytime I took a friend back when I felt awful about discarding them, I subjected myself to the same experience with them. Nothing has changed, so I discard them again, but I'm guilt tripped by myself again. It's a frustrating cycle.
I try to do what I can and able with what I have and got. I can never be certain whether or not I'm not doing enough or so. I never get that feedback I desire to know and it may sound ridiculous to expect like to be graded as a friend or so. Maybe a little confiscating because if you're asking how you're doing as a friend, it almost feels artificial, you know? I just don't know what's going wrong anymore. I'm tired of being in friend circles where it's more scattered and divided. People who're waiting more on me to say something or so to get their engines going to communicate, but the favor is not returned in kind for however long it's been. I've given lee ways, I've been understanding about why things could take long and I don't always expect a daily commute to communicate with me. But I am really at my wit's end with trying to make sense of it all.
If I am finding myself gifting people things to get them to interact with me and I'm having suicidal thoughts about how long it's been since we've built any chemistry, then something is wrong.
I try to do what I can and able with what I have and got. I can never be certain whether or not I'm not doing enough or so. I never get that feedback I desire to know and it may sound ridiculous to expect like to be graded as a friend or so. Maybe a little confiscating because if you're asking how you're doing as a friend, it almost feels artificial, you know? I just don't know what's going wrong anymore. I'm tired of being in friend circles where it's more scattered and divided. People who're waiting more on me to say something or so to get their engines going to communicate, but the favor is not returned in kind for however long it's been. I've given lee ways, I've been understanding about why things could take long and I don't always expect a daily commute to communicate with me. But I am really at my wit's end with trying to make sense of it all.
If I am finding myself gifting people things to get them to interact with me and I'm having suicidal thoughts about how long it's been since we've built any chemistry, then something is wrong.