Am I just in the wrong with dismissing friends?

[Cytrix]

I need some sort of reality check with this one because, I've been finding myself discarding friends but feeling immediate guilt over them. Like, even though I know they haven't really demonstrated that well to me into being a friend. Like not communicating often, not being there, not being as supportive or so. Whatever I felt was the reason, I disbanded them from me. Regardless of anything they've done and it just hurts to do. And I want to avoid the yo-yo effect as much as possible, because everytime I took a friend back when I felt awful about discarding them, I subjected myself to the same experience with them. Nothing has changed, so I discard them again, but I'm guilt tripped by myself again. It's a frustrating cycle.

I try to do what I can and able with what I have and got. I can never be certain whether or not I'm not doing enough or so. I never get that feedback I desire to know and it may sound ridiculous to expect like to be graded as a friend or so. Maybe a little confiscating because if you're asking how you're doing as a friend, it almost feels artificial, you know? I just don't know what's going wrong anymore. I'm tired of being in friend circles where it's more scattered and divided. People who're waiting more on me to say something or so to get their engines going to communicate, but the favor is not returned in kind for however long it's been. I've given lee ways, I've been understanding about why things could take long and I don't always expect a daily commute to communicate with me. But I am really at my wit's end with trying to make sense of it all.

If I am finding myself gifting people things to get them to interact with me and I'm having suicidal thoughts about how long it's been since we've built any chemistry, then something is wrong.

 

[Anonymous ID]

In what way are you discarding them? I don't get how you discard a friend. Do you mean you just stop talking/making an effort with them and lose contact? I think it's okay to have friends you never really hear from. If I didn't make such an effort all the time I would have no friends. I think it's not that you need to discard anyone but just find new friends that will show you the effort.

 

[Holding my breath]

Hi @Cytrix I read your post earlier today but the day took over and I didn’t have time to reply until now.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have found exactly the same. I have had far better success in building friendships through SF than irl. I understand that cycle. The need for friendship so you make yourself vulnerable, make efforts to make friends. I’ve even done the gifts but as you say it hurts a lot when the friendship is not reciprocated. I feel you can only make first contact so many times before you feel perhaps they aren’t really interested. I start hiding to wait and see how long before they contact me. Most of the time, the answer is never and so I drift and keep hidden. The cycle for me is one of making the effort, getting hurt because they are so wrapped up in their own lives they never even notice me, I feel forgotten and then return to my hiding place. This is a cycle I have been round too many times recently and I have to admit I have now given up. The me at this point cannot go through that again. My last failed attempt at a friend did not text me after my operation and did not text to say Merry Christmas. It has now been two months and no contact. Is it selfish to hope that there is someone irl who I could have as a friend? But I truly think that is never going to happen. Back to my cave where I belong. My best friends are my SF friends. 💜
Sorry this doesn’t bring your more hope. But I do understand how it feels. You are not alone in that.