Am I losing the train to adulthood?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ordep, May 11, 2011.

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  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and 11 months old.. wait wait, dont post the "you're still young", "you have the whole life ahead of you" comments just yet...

    I get out of the house very rarely, almost always to go to class, but sometimes I bump into an high school classmate and, after the usual "You have you been"s and "nice to see you"s, the question of what am I doing always ends up popping up, and this id where the awkwardness starts...

    Most of my old classmates, as it turns out, are either done with college and employed, done with college and looking for work or almost done with college (ok and theres a few with drugs problems but lets not talk about those)... me, I'm on my first year of college... Theres no escaping the fact that while the last 3 years my ex-classmates have been getting their degrees, I've been hopelessly struggling to get anything done in college, given how wrecked I was on the inside, add to that a college change that ended up preety much as a fresh start and here I am, 3 years late for the party...

    Whats even worse is that I feel younger talking to most of them, even tough were the same age... they dress like adults, they have adult goals, objectives, views of the world, adult attitudes... My wardrobe as been largely unchanged since high school years ((literally), I still look, and talk like Im as young as 17, and I have that same lack of goals and long term objectives that so many teens experience, as this point I guess I should already know what I wanna do with my life, but maybe cause life as been so difficult to face in these last few years, I just dont know about the future...

    And at the end of the day, I have so little drive to change it... a part of me actually likes it... its easier I guess. BUt Im afraid someday, down the road, I'll realise my ID says Im now too old to walk through the doors I should have walked years past, but was mentally too young to do it at the time...
  2. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    Theres nothing wrong with where you are in life. Im 21, and still wear most of the stuff I wore in highschool, we all get to adulthood at different times. There are a lot of people that dont finish their education until they are in their 30s, granted most of them are likely graduate students, but still they act as if they are still students, because in all actuality they are. There isnt anything wrong with where you are now as long as it is on the path you want to take so you end up doing what you want to do with the education you receive.
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm in almost exactly the same situation. The only difference is I'm just turning 21 and I'm not in college at the moment, so bumping into old high school friends is even more awkward because when they ask what I'm doing with my life, unless I lie, my answer is "Nothing". The people I used to hang out with and were friends with are all drinking, partying, wearing high heels and dresses and I'm still sitting indoors all of the time, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and barely pulling a comb through my hair. I look, act and sound 15 years old according to most and have zero goals for the future aside from wanting to get married and have kids, but even that feels like it'll never happen.

    I know exactly what you mean by feeling too mentally young to do the things that other people your age are doing. Just thinking about moving out and paying my own bills, etc., freaks me out. I still feel like a child who needs her mum to take care of her in the background. In a way it's a nice existence though. I don't want to have to grow up too fast and although I turn 21 soon, it still feels way too soon to even think about calling myself a proper adult.

    I guess I haven't been much help to you, just saying I know exactly how it feels and you're not alone. D:
  4. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Yo! I totally get what you're talking about Pete, cause as you know I deal with some of that shit too; feeling like I should be a grown up already, leaving the house, not really wanting to get asked what I'm currently doing..cause I don't have a good enough answer(dont have a good answer at all. cause 'nothing' is a bad answer..) thats just embarrassing...However, what both you and I need to understand, is what my therapist told me, and keeps telling me, the stage we're in, this age, the move from being an adolescent into a grown up, is not an easy one, for some of us its pretty difficut, yeah you hear lots of good stories....but like you said, some bad may not want to focus on them cause they dont serve your current purpose (letting your pain out, being mad at life)....

    Dont forget that people in a bad place in life dont usually brag about you have less chance of hearing about it....but it happens all the many many people change majors or quit school, or just take a few years off before/in the middle of school, cause they arent even sure what they want to do, or that theyve made the right choice to even go to school....or whatever other one's perfect....we all fuck up every now and then....we just try to conceal it as best as we can, cause we dont want people to hear about how we messed up.....

    This is a difficult age....because we dont have a "safe" "secure" place in life, not just yet...however we must try try try try and try some more, till we find it....find the right group of people to hang out with, find the right job.....find our place in life.....if we hang in there long enough- we should be able to find it....just dont give up....

    hope it makes sense and not just gibberish
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey I am 54 and still dress in jeans and t-shirts..Sorry not into didn't finish school so I give you cudo's for going to college..If I run into someone I use to know I tell them I work for the when I drive my sisters car it looks like a goverment car..Nobody needs to know my buisness..Thats the way I keep it..
  6. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Just do the best you can and stop looking at others and comparing yourself to them. We are all different so dont wast your time, its a futile exercise. Do whatever you have to do for yourself not for others.

  7. dexter23

    dexter23 New Member

    I'm 22 and just finishing my first year at university, I feel like I'm still stuck in my late teens. I see old highschool friends in long term relationships, even having their own children. This makes me feel even more like I am not an adult because I'm not experiencing those things. It doesn't help that I have a young looking face aswell, but in a few more years I may be glad of that.
  8. DawnB

    DawnB Well-Known Member

    Everyone has said this already, but you're not the only one that feels this way. :) I just turned 23 a week ago, and although I am in college (next year will be my last), I realized that I have no real goals, nor has had a job in my life. I think you'd naturally feel much younger than everyone else, as well.
  9. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I'm 33, and am starting school at our local community college in the fall... Do I know what degree I want? No, not really. I've been married (now divorced), have 4 kids, and am on Social Security.

    Life isn't as bad as some would think.
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    You haven't missed the train. You took a more leisurely trip, that's all. :) (Seriously, you haven't missed the train!)

    Different people do things at different paces. Lots of people change directions and start on new paths that are not in sync with former classmates. I think your getting to classes at college now is very adult - especially when you feel that you are older or have had life by-pass you somewhat. That's courageous and grown up.
  11. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all the replies, I do believe I'm not yet in a really though position when it comes to adulthood, but its really the lack of progress that worries me... In the end tough, I guess worring about it wont make any better... I'm in college, and I wont finish it faster just by feeling bad about being late for the party, so I guess in the end it all boils down to one thing: work to get stuff done...

    Thank you all
  12. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    I'm in the EXACT same position as you, except I've been failing classes at community college for five years due to my crippling social anxiety. I'm twenty-three, now, and I've garnered an astonishing six credits for my efforts. :( I don't want to be twenty-eight when I graduate; I don't know why I don't give up now.
  13. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. Been there, done that. Know too well.

    Life is hard to understand. I review my life and wonder why I'm so messed up. Sometimes I resolve an answer from out of the fog, but it's never clear. If I could go back in time, the one thing I'd change is I would have got a transfer degree instead of a specialized degree. This was back in 2000. My life since then has went nowhere. Somehow I tell myself that if I had got a transfer degree it would have changed how things happened. But I don't know that. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have joined the Navy right after getting my degree. But since I wouldn't know what I know now in 2000, there's no way I can imagine myself doing that. Another thing I would do is not do several different programming projects (my hobby). I would stick to one. Bottom line, I am not sure exactly what I know now, and there's no way for me to know what I'll know 15 years down the road.

    I don't know the secret ingredient to success since I'm still a failure. I imagine it has something to do with WANTING to succeed. You must CARE about it. If you've given up inside, then nothing will change your situation. So maybe the answer is to figure out why you've given up and how to fix it. I don't know if this is your problem, but I think CARING matters.

    I've never had any friends in my adult life. The last friend I had outside of the classroom was 18 years ago. Maybe that has something to do with it. I've also had social anxiety and a rough childhood. Not a people person, I guess. I think extroverts do better in this world. I did a test and it said my personality is INTP. It was somewhere between that and INTJ. Maybe my personality, combined with everything else in my reality has produced an unwanted result. Maybe the trick is to become a 'chemist' and experiment.

    I wish you the best. Life won't solve itself. That you're right about. If you want a good life for yourself, then LIVE. I have been on this world long enough to know that LIVING means challenging yourself. It doesn't mean sitting in a dark room ruminating about your problems and past history. Living is about making history. It's about the danger zone. The scary place. Some risk taking is healthy.

    If something is easily gotten by everyone, then it's not worth much. We make money (aka a living) by selling a service or product to someone else. So to increase your worth and self-image, provide things that're not easily provided. That's the actual reason why we have to work for things in life. Worth is not created from nothing. You must act and learn a skill.

    So every moment you spend improving your skills will help to set you apart from others. It increases your worth.

    So if it takes long hours or lots of thought, and causes some pain, that's probably a good sign. But don't be purblind or you might find yourself working in a sludge filled container under the city. But you'll still have more worth than the man sitting in the dark room dwelling on things that do him no good. No matter what you do, you'll at least get some worth from it.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2011
  14. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    It's never too late to get on the train to adulthood. I'm 25 and am still in college. Of my closest friends at my age there is only one that has finished college yet, not really her either because she is taking more classes this semester. I'm hopefully done this spring, but I still have no idea what I want to work with.
  15. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I'm 21 and I haven't even taken a class yet in college.
    I want to be a photographer but that career goal barely holds water
    compared to what everyone else goes to school for.
    Doctors, nurses, lawyers, graphci designer, chefs, criminal justice.
    All those are "serious" and common careers. But none of them interest me.
    So if I never make it as a photogpraher I might be still working as a retail
    cashier making minimum wage.

    I know how you feel about feeling younger. Mines due to inexperience.
    I haven't ever done what most people do as early as highschool. Like
    Having a boyfriend,kissing someone,hanging out with friends, going
    to a bar or club, I'm still a virgin, and just this past 2 years I learned for the first
    time by myself how to put makeup on and wear a purse, and do stuff with my hair
    and dress up not be embarrassed or ashamed about it.
    Most girls learn that stuff from their friends early on. I never had more than
    one friend at a time. Everytime someone talks to me about getting drunk,
    Or doing drugs, going to parties, and having sex...I get really uncomfortable.
    Because I've never experienced these things. I feel so left out and "young"
    My cousin is 30 and she just finished college. She's very pretty and has had a lot of boyfriends
    and still lives with her mom. So there's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer.
    It doesn't say anything negative about a person I don't think. It makes you unique

    Every single person I knew in highschool,
    and co workers at work, have all moved on and got
    Married, or are either in school or finishing it up.
    And I'm still the same as I was in highschool.
    Nothings changed except I lost my best friend because
    She chose her boyfriend over me. Even she's no longer a virgin now.
    I'm the only person with nothing going on in their life,
    that I know of. I'm so far behind too. But its never
    to late to do what you want to do I think :3
    I wish you goodluck and you can do it if you don't give up.
    :3 I'm sorry if none of that made sense or seemed irrelevant
    ..I thought it did though >:
  16. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Oh jeez, can't believe I'm turning 24 later this month. I already feel mostly that my life is already past and spent. : /
  17. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Wow.. maybe I was being naive, but I never thought I'd have so many people come to the thread and report similar worries to mine... It really is a bad feeling, being in a bad place and feeling like the world is spinning without you, and the clock is ticking... I really wish theres a way out for all of us and that we can walk through that door to feel better about our place in life.

    I know myself and I know that if theres a way out from this lag for me, its going to be through studying hard to get my degree as fast as possible and making money to buy my own house so I can hold of my own destiny... I really urge everyone to do some soul searching to find what needs to change, if you havent already, and then start working on it. Nothing willl happen unless we do something.

    foreverforgotten--> just want you to know all you said made sense to me, and I can relate to most :hugtackles:
  18. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    That train is cut rate mass transit at best. Stuffy. Poor leg room. Limited meal selection and absolutely undrinkable wine. The destination is a shoddy station on the outskirts of a city built of nothing other than uniform skyscrapers filled to bursting with unhappiness.
  19. I love this, as I'm currently in a similar position. And I have been watching this repeatedly and it sure cheers me up.

    J.K.Rowling started writing Harry Potter pretty late in life too.
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