Am I lying to myself? [trigger warning]

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Beka, Oct 11, 2014.

  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    It's getting more and more frequent now that I think I'm lying to myself.

    That I'm making up the "abuse" that happened to me as a child. That never happened. Why they still be in my life if it did? I wouldn't be able to have them in my life if it did.

    Why would I make that up? Am I making it up?

    I'm paranoid at night now. I keep seeing things. Seeing things in my head and convincing myself it's going to happen. So much that I nearly get reduced to tears.

    I'm fucking fat too and it's vile. Fucking eating is absolutely unnecessary yet I still do it. I'm disgusting. I lost weight and it looks like I've just put more on.

    I'm sick of this!! I've gone from being a size 8/10 to a size 14 in the past year and it hurts. I need to run again but it hurts too much to do it.

    It feels like I'm being eaten from the inside out. Miserable all the time. I don't want to be miserable all the time again.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you have a therapist to talk to one that deals with trauma because that therapist will know for sure if something happened
    hell size 14 is not that big hun please talk to someone about how your are feeling ok I am glad you are talking here posting
    Many have doubts about the abuse that happen to them it is not uncommon to have those doubts