am i mad...im so happy and hurt at the same time

[toopainfultolive]

harder than i think...

saying this is harder than i think...my brother was throwing nasty words about in the early morning and for the first time, i think is this verbal abuse? am i being verbally abused? it was all very funny and i laughed.

i feel bad for mum and dad who is taking in his words and trying to calm him down. then i feel bad for him who seems so stressed out. then i feel really bad for him cuz mum was at fault and the funny thing is she doesnt think she is. so he was roaring about in the living room at mum and mum was like,"i did this because you didnt so-and-so"

mum is not standing up to him. she really thinks she's not at fault. i cried. cuz mum seem to have lose somewhat of her mind these days. maybe it's old age. she doesnt care abt things anymore, abt me too. she will get angry in the past. she will try to retort then ignore everyone for the rest of the day. now she's all different. it's kinda sad.

then again, depsite its her fault and i truely think so, it feels so good to see my brother helpless. he's all angry and ready to take it out on her but she doesnt care. really,not even a trace of sorry in her voice.

then brother get really upset and start yanking abt other stuff, really screaming his head off and u know, what mum said, "don't act crazy". hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's the one thing im always afraid to hear from mum. she just say it out just now. i cant say how happy i am. and her voice!!!!!!!!!! like a mother. she talks like a mother. the way she used to when we are kids. really, its those voice that make u snap up and listen.that's the coolest thing i ever had happened to me. how long have i not hear her voice like that? my mum's not gone. she may be old and peaceful but she still got the force in her.

my brother just keep quiet and go out. i cant wait the day for my brother to become a millionaire then he can move out and we wont see him again.

verbal abuse!? is this it!? lolz......it's still so funny to me. this whole incident puts a smile on my face. really im so happy and hurt at the same time but everything's just so funny.am i going mad lolz!??!? hahahahah!!!!!

 

[toopainfultolive]

im glad i keep my big fat mouth shut. i was going to say,"mum, dont do that again. "and get everyone to calm down. im sure glad i didnt. i just decide mum had enough. i shouldnt put her down anymore just cuz i wanna my brother to shut up.

havent eat anything for the day but im full on this incident. dont need food anymore and im nt going out of my room too. bro came back and now sulking in his room. not sitting outside in the living room, showing off his foul mood. ahahahaaaahahah!!!! mum dont look affected, watching her tv shows as usual. this is great. daebak, sugoi,zhan, hahahahahahha im so happy............

cant stop thinking abt this.ahhhhhh who cares if its verbal abuse lolzzz what happened to free speech!? i dont even care and i juz realize it for the first time today. so this is it! 1st time seeing it live and up front. im in the audience front row. so that's how u verbal abuse someone hhahahahaa shld i call the police!? nah, they arent gonna care. what's a little scolding between family??? but this is really it......people keep saying sometimes words hurt more physical harm. yea, but i never cut before. who am i to say? arghhh i can now. cuz it really hurts.

im so agaitated and excited now. this is all new to me. i live in a nice family. they treat me well. im a mess. im a failure. im the worst in my family. but bloods run thicker than water. we are all the same. all bad blood. they arent nice to me. nt that nice, like i think. okay, they feed me, and raise me. but my brother is evil and mean. and we all have to live under his command. he says hes trying to help the family but frm what i see,hes the crazy one.he needs to get help lolz how can u just blow off ur family!? hahaha he need to get his head check out. he scold and scold and then say its our fault. he got no fault. he got no mistakes.he's a god. a god in our family. so maybe i shld ask him whether i can die. ahhh he may say yes. cuz that's what he just said. if u arent gonna help, then die! ohohohohohohoh he said that.he really did.

cool!!!!!!!!!!! this is really one of the coolest thing ever. i cant even imagine this. its like someone just hand me something, something cool and great. now i have got power, reason, excuses, whatever, i have got a plan, idea too. loooolz hohohohohohoho

dont reply asking me what im saying. gonna piss me off.im just ranting, leave me alone and put ur concern to better use. im so happy.no one is gonna make me upset now. lalallalalaalalhahahahaaah xDDDDDDDDDDD

ps one thing that is pissing me off a little is how come when i finish typing and post, im log out!? hey, hello,what the fuck!?!?!

 

[toopainfultolive]

i went out to eat and then he came out. oh what bad luck! dont wanna see him.im afraid im may laugh in front of him. i juz cant help it. hahahaha he look like he's abt to yap, yap like a angry little puppy lolz wahhaha...yeah puppy!!!!!!!!!! not a cute one. a very angry and baring all its teeth trying to bite. not even a human lolzzz

im still hungry, only got a little bite. dont wanna go out and see his face. bet he's looking for opportuunity to scold us again. dog, dog never change. he muz feel happy, powerful that he can juz do whatever he wants with us. i wont be surprise if oneday he start to pushing us against the wall and yanking our colllars. hahahhaa

mum so quiet but nt angry.shes really nt angry. cuz i just ask her random qn and normally if shes angry, she wont reply me and keep doing her own stuff. juz now she reply me, although its a stupid qns. wow did my mum change? maybe its an ailen? someoen take over her body and pretending to be mum. thats y the person dont care. who cares abt bro? a dog is a dog. never change. like me. im a dog too. a ugly mutt. hehehehe dirty and smelly as well.

im eating mooncake juz nw. suppose to eat with whole family but well. bro's upset abt the moonncake a few days ago. i wasnt going to ask him to eat. never. but i didnt ask others to eat too.juz eat. mooncake=reunion. bullshit!!! my family is all broken up and we still eat mooncake. fuck!

mum says she gonna cook soon. weird. she never cook so early. amybe shes finding things to do. that son of a bitch. my bro. hahah but my mum arent a bitch. muz be what he said. what was it? die if you aren't goanna help. loooooool wait till we all die. will he cry? ahh who wants him to care? dont wanna see him again.

dont listen to him. so mean. he wil be so upset if he knows the truth abt me. maybe he will get a heart attack. he'd better. okay,maybe not. cuz i wanna die before him.wanna deny him at my funeral.my gosh. great idea. even in my death, i wont let him go to my funeral. cuz he sucks. big time!!!

he'll be all alone. no one to scold, to take his anger out on, he will be so miserable.an abandoned dog, ears folding back. hahahahaha ahhhh there's still mum and dad. oh well, its nt like they can live for long. they dont wana live that long either.old and poor, son picking on tem, useless daughter. reborn into a good family, dad and mum. dont ever let bro catch u again. really, why didnt u abort us then?lolz u shld ahve done so. now u are all upset at having raise two bad kids. poor u!!! next time get the better soul. tell the what is the name, the one who govern hell,yea tell him u wanna better soul. or better yet,next time no kids so no need to worry. hehehehehe love u, mum and dad!!!!!

p.s this forum sucks. why am i always log out!? weird and funny.