Am i possibly one of the worst people ever?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crash 9000, Dec 22, 2007.

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  1. crash 9000

    crash 9000 Member

    well i just turned 14 (4th dec 1993)
    i just tryed killing myself. i got 2plastic bags. looked for some rope or something. after 10mins i got a shoelase tied it around my neck as tight as it could go and still do it up. was in little pain. i then laid down crying and hoping to die within 5mins. 1hour later still there. so spent the next minite undoing it.

    why i did it:
    i play world of warcraft (a game) i was making a forum topic. asking for some help in the game and what i should do. the first 3odd posts people made were just trying to get to know what i ment and y'know just asking for themselvs on what i could do. they didnt help but i didnt mind letting em know and thank em for trying.

    then the 4th said something that obviously ment he didnt read the post. so i sort of got angry for wasting my time and had a go at him and explaning why in the process... well then the next loads of posts were people just yelling at me. saying i shud stop playing. and y'kno just always negative. so then i said sorry just hoping to end it. but people kept on doing it. till i started crying... and then tryed killing myself.


    what helpd encourage me to do it:

    well just in general i have no future.

    my mum and dad split up when i was 7. i only see my mum. talk to my dad over the internet.

    easily pissed off.

    dont seem to get on well with crowds (scared of them two)

    i was very intelligant and did very well at school until i got into year 7. then i didnt bother with it.

    puts off work till the last minite.

    cant do any work well unless im in a room with no distractions. at all. no TV. no dogs. basicly a replica of school and then i can do work... only if other people are.

    unhealthy. its not that i dislike the healthy food. i know just swallow it and its all over. its not that bad. only salad i cant eat. just i dont eat any of the good stuff unless its on my plate.

    was good looking now ugly. i did think i looked very sexy. until a few years ago. i got very pale from staying indoors. and just let myself go a reck. i supose i can look retarded at times. just from my skin colour and drowseyness.



    only thinks of death.

    only plays videogames and only has for the past 11years. and only thought any future to be with them until i turn 20



    the good in me (if any):

    cares about people and helps them if they arent a asshole

    cares about animals more than humans (if that can be classed as good)



    i just generaly dont see much to life with me. i cant do a days work. get the piss taken out of me...
    naturaly aggresive.

    i just dont see why i should live? i was hoping that when i turn like 18 i could go live with my dad in sweden and he could teach me to be a floor layer yet its not easy. and he started when he was 12. so i dont think i would have much experiance and would be to old. and was hoping to find a swedish wife. and get a few kids and just go from there...
    but as long as there is dogs alive where my mum lives. i aint leaving here. and my mum was generaly nicer to me than my dad so i dont think i will leave the country. and i dont even think i can find a wife. i dont leave the house unless on demand. i dont talk to people in the real world unless on demand.


    what im asking for is... why should i live? i have no friends. dont bother with school. cant do a days work. dont socialize. im mean to my parents (if any of u watch southpark. how cartmans mum is and how cartman is to her would be a VERY good example) my mums nice yet i take to much advantage of that and treat her like shit.
    aggresive to anybody i am yet to communicate to. and unless its obvious that they are nice when they communicate with me i am still aggresive.

    i litrally have no purpose. no future. no chance of ever dying knowing i had a good life.

    EDIT: i have tryed killing myself many times over the same reasons. i tryed getting my school tie and hanging myself on a pipe in the garage but the tie tore. i took an overdose of 2packs of sleeping tablets. i just fell asleep after 5mins and woke up with puke all over my face. i tryed headbutting the wall but passed out with a huge bump and long cut accross the forehead. tryed stabing myself in the head but stopd once it got a few inches from my head. all from them reasons

    sorry for the grammer and spelling i did read over it and do some changes. to it. but with glazed over eyes, it dont help. if u dont understand any parts just let me know and maybe copy and paste them and ill do my best to retype it
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2007
  2. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Hey, we are here for you. Sounds like you are really working a lot out. Remember, most of the "bad" things about you, you are creating with your thoughts. We all do it, but it is not reality. The reality is that you are a special person with a plan to fulfill. We just cannot see this when we are depressed. If you cannot talk to anyone there, keep talking here. Read through some of the posts for tips and keep reading and posting. Life is a process. Hang in there!
     
  3. crash 9000

    crash 9000 Member

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