Am I right ? Is it possible ?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Ann, Apr 14, 2011.

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  1. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I thought hard before posting. I'm starting to come to term with certain parts of my life, or at least I think so.
    I've had a hard life and find it really difficult to trust anyone. My mother and my father hit me. My father then abandonned me while I took care of my mentaly ill mother. This give me multiple reasons to experience feelings of sadness and depression.
    But my childhood is blurry... I've always had the weard feeling that I suffered even more than I remember. I've asked myself about sexual abuse a lot during my life (I'm 25 y/o). I've always had a weard relationship with the opposite sex (and I recently discovered that I'm bisexual). Sex made me inconfortable for a long time and while having a relationship with a boy, it was always kinda difficult. Though I had relationship with boys (that were always unclear so I had to protect myself a minimum), I went to bed with a boy only once, in terrible conditions (feelings of depression), and felt really bad. I felt this weard feeling of oppression and felt like an object. I also had those feelings of knowing that...
    I've felt things before but I've always put it in the back of my mind, telling myself that I was just making things up, for attention for exemple. But could it be true ?
    I do not remember a single detail of this but I have a strong feeling and sensation that I might have been raped. Am I right ? Do you think I should shut up in order to stop offensing people whom have been raped "for real" ?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you should get some coucilling for your feelings about sex about your past i think talking to a psychologist a therapist will help you okay I donot think keeping these thoughts inside you will help. Talking to someone a professional who can help guide you through some of the emotions will help hugs
     
  3. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    that's weird, I have a similar life experience as yours, except the being hit thing. I think you should see a counselor too...try to find a good one on your own rather than going "in the system"...easier that way. Also additional advice, be wary of free therapists...not good experiences for me, they werent.
     
  4. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    It's interesting that total_eclipse mentions a psychologist, which isn't too bad a suggestion. A psychologist is different from a psychiatrist or therapist. A psychologist would gradually work throughout your history in the attempt to connect associations in your head. This is way different from therapy, which does away with associations in favor of forming new memories.

    Therapy might be very iffy for that reason. There's a tendency in therapy for the therapist to bring out "false memories" by suggesting repeatedly to the patient that something has happened to them. It takes surprisingly little time for a therapist to induce in a patient a false memory, and it's extremely effective. Therapists have been doing it, whether they mean to or not, for many decades. The effect is so strong that it's been a strong controversy in court cases, in which a witness says they saw something they in reality did not, because they were prompted by the attorney to say they saw what they say.

    I think you'll be running that risk either way. Once you start getting into retrieving memories, you are immediately at risk for having false memories induced. Most of the time this is done under hypnosis. But be very cautious if you progress along that path. The influential power of the whole process is extraordinarily difficult to resist, and it's a whole lot easier to just believe what the therapist is suggesting.

    You say you suspect you were raped, but you're not sure. My opinion is that therapy could only confuse you further, and the only way to prove that is for you to find out for yourself through going back into different points in your life and detailing what happened at that point in time. The more you remember of similarities to a traumatic experience, the better your chance of remembering the experience itself are.

    Your feelings that you have been raped in the past may be the result of something else, like a false association. On the other hand, they may be genuine and real. But if that's the case, that's not something anyone can help you with. That's a necessary truth. Once you involve someone else to help you retrieve a memory, you are under that person's influence, which will influence the outcome of your thoughts.

    Memory retrieval is very complicated, and also very unreliable. There is no accurate or reliable way to retrieve lost memories. The methods used to do that are extremely controversial and have demonstrated themselves to be less than useful. This goes especially for the fact that your traumatic experience may have occurred a relatively long time ago. Without a solid connection to associate your traumatic experience with another aspect of the trauma, it will be very difficult to form enough associations to form a cohesive memory.

    Now, on the other hand, if you only want help with the emotions, a therapist experienced with what you mention can help. It's very important that they have some experience with a problem like yours, but if you can find the right person, it could be extremely beneficial and uplifting for you.

    Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find what you're looking for.
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i see a psychoanalyst to deal with childhood trauma. unlike you i had some memories of abuse. but there was a lot that i didn't know, that i have remembered in the last two years. it is quite possible to repress some difficult things from your past.

    if there is something there you will remember when you are ready. do not undergo hypnosis as a way to "recover" memories. it's a disaster, and very open to abuse.

    a good therapist will not lead you in any one direction. s/he will help you explore, at your direction and pace. s/he will keep all avenues open as you come to your own conclusions. s/he will ask a lot of open ended questions, and help you with your current relationship difficulties, too.

    good luck.
     
  6. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    Learning to trust again isn't easy. Hence opening yourself up to others to get to know them and then gain trust often feel too dangerous and too big a risk.

    It's possible that you may be imagining things that really didn't happen, but unlikely. The human mind has a weird way of processing emotions. Often the most painful things are kept deep within the mind and only allowed to seep out a little at a time. It's safer to open the spillway of a dam then it is to blow the dam up and send a wall of water out to obliterate all in it's path. Much the same way with the mind and emotions.

    I hope you wasn't raped. Only you can find that out, but it's not beyond the scope of human depravity...

    Sweetheart, I am a rape victim and you don't or could not offend me. If you are making it up (knowingly) then that's another issue, but I don't think you are doing that. I get the feeling that you simply don't remember what happened in detail. You may never know. One of the reason why I remember the things that happened to me so clearly is because I wrote in many, many notebooks back then and I still have them. Maybe you can start writing your personal thoughts on paper and once you understand them better then share if you like. That's essentially what I do.

    I am so sorry you have so many uncertainties in your mind and memory. Gentle :hug: to you.
     
  7. CelticAngel

    CelticAngel Member

    Don't worry about "shutting your trap"- I certainly don't find it offensive, and I am trying to come to terms with my own sexual abuse ^^' I really do hope you weren't, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You could go to a therapist, but as the others had said, it's a risky area. I wouldn't suggest hypnotism, it's far too suggestive.

    As to lost memories, about the only reason I can remember what happened to me in such clarity is I wrote it down soon after it happened. I tend to rant in word documents, and so I had something to use to reflect on. Well, that and the dreams- though those themself are suggestive. ^^' It is possible you have repressed memories, but you may never know. Either way I hope you find some kind of peace.
     
  8. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I found a guy that I trust enough to have sex with. Actually, it's not just sex, for the first time with a guy. He doesn't push me and I don't feel like I'm being violated in his arms. Though, I still think that something happened to me... I still feel like I'm not completely normal in the bedroom.
    I didn't tell him and don't plan on it. Sometimes he makes rape jokes and I learned to live with it but at first it was overwealming (part of why I started thinking about it again).
    I don't know why I'm telling you that. Maybe because I feel lonely and sad today. I fell for this guy but I'm not sure he truly loves me...
    I feel like life is leaving my body. Like I'm out of it. This emptiness make me want to cut myself (an old habbit).
     
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