Am I Selfish for Wishing to Die?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lazyloser, Dec 29, 2014.

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  1. lazyloser

    lazyloser New Member

    I've struggled with this question the last few years. Having reached middle age, I have a career that is going nowhere and may possibly soon lose my house. I have children and family that I love and have tried to be a good father. I went to a trade school at night while working 50 hours a week. All it got me was more debt and a worse job with no benefits. I am obviously destined to fail. I've known this for quite some time. When do I have to stop being unselfish for everyone else? I'm a good man but there is no consoling me for my failures. When can the pain of just being me end? I'm broken and beaten. I have nothing left. Everyone can see I'm a shell of my former self.... is it not selfish for others to expect me to continue battling my demons?
     
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    In that you have children & family LazyLoser then yes it could be construed you would be selfish to end it all

    But then it is not as simple as that

    Maybe a temporary solution would be say to spend a week away on your own; at a Centre Parcs type of camping in log cabins sort of place so you have time out to recharge your batteries. Then you would return back to your family to start afresh
     
  3. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    You. Have. Children. Maybe I'm just trying to justify taking my own life (I have no kids) but it seems irresponsible, at least while they are under 18. At some point, yes, you should be able to quit on your own terms but the kids aren't old enough yet. Sorry
     
  4. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    I don't have kids.

    That said, it very easily could have been myself that typed this. I feel the exact same way. I'm not sure if that helps or not, but what you put down sounds like me.

    I don't know what trade you're in. I've tried ridiculously hard to turn my trade into my own business. It's one of my failures that's ultimately led me here like you. Looking for the "green light" to just pack it in, stop hurting those around me, stop hurting myself and move on to the next life.
     
  5. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi, Thank you for sharing your story. You haven’t failed in my opinion because I’m sure you have great children and I know that they have a great father who does love them. You went to trade school and worked a job because you wanted a good life for you and your family. I think you probably do everything you can for them and to me, this is a successful person.

    Things are tough at the moment but the broken can be fixed and the beaten can be healed. I know it may not seem like this now but there is always hope. I would advise you to try and remember when you were happy and progressing well in life. What were the things which made you happy? How did you attain such happiness? I think seeing your children would make you very happy. Sometimes we have to look back in order to see our vision forward. As for being selfish, I think you should be. However, selfish in a sense that you take care of yourself so your children can continue to have a wonderful father. Husky
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2014
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. You are not a loser but life can be hard. Please do not act on your feelings as you are important. Keep posting for help but remember you are not alone in suffering.
     
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