Am I selfish?

Quick history... All my life I've been told, indirectly and not-so-indirectly, by my immediate family that I am a loser and everything I have done and still do is wrong. It's taken me many years to realize that I am not, and I am only being told that because I did not conform to their expectations. I am the only one in the family who went to college, after being denied from doing so by my parents. I now have a Master's degree and other certifications. I have also many good things such as starting and owning my own business, with no support from my family. Not to be boastful, but I think I have done some great things. But I am still single at 40 and my parents also see me as a failure because of this. I've been told by them that I make them look bad. So I cut myself off from them recently.

Now, I do have friends. Good friends. But they all have their husbands/wives/families and I find lately that I am constantly searching for people to hang out with. I spend quite a bit of time with my nearby cousin and his family, as I desperately need company lately, but then feel like I am imposing on them.

Yesterday though, my cousin made a comment about dying and I remarked that that could actually be a good thing. The quick discussion about it resulted in him saying that it is "selfish", and he said so in an angry tone. WTF?! Though we were speaking about no one in particular, we did have another mutual cousin commit suicide some years ago. I took this comment personally since I am on my way out, and no one has the right to tell me that I can't leave! No one has the right to tell me that I have to sit in this miserable existence and endure this pain forever! I'll admit to defeat, failure and being a loser, but at least give me the right to do what I want with my life! Since no one cares enough about me, why should my departure be "selfish"!? WTF!?!? Yes, I am quite annoyed about this statement as I feel it is yet another instance of someone trying to control my actions. For whatever stupid reason, I am very concerned about what people will think of me when I leave, and this comes across to me as now people will see me as having done something bad to them.

Do any of you agree that this is selfish?

 

I guess if no one in life relies on you for support in everyday life whether its financial support or looking after someone then its not that selfish but by killing yourself you could leave people devastated and they might become depressed because of it. I don't think you should do it you've already started your own business who knows what you might go on to achieve. What sort of business do you own? I am also in the process of starting a business. pm me and we can have a chat, about business if nothing else.

 

Well I do agree that the definition of selfish is wanting more that what is needed to barely keep yourself alive.

You sound very successful, I wish I could be half as successful as you when I am 40. But what you did requires a lot of work and time. And for most that time would have been spent on finding a mate. In my book you are not a failure for doing what you wanted to do. I know my dad is disappointed in me. Mainly becuase I spent my High School and most of my college life playing video games and watching anime. Not doing what he did and trying to find a different woman to have sex with everyday.

But no that is not selfish to me either. It is no different than choosing to have a big house. You want to be as comfortable as you can be. You can just call your cousin on the stuff he does is selfish. So anything and everything he has and/or does that is beyond his bare minimum to survive is selfish.

Do not worry man, most people just do not understand.

 

I totally agree with you, you are NOT selfish and if anyone is sorry that you go it's tooo bloody late! My mother abuses me to the point where if it made her feel better I'll just hang myself from the lightbulb on the ceiling. Then I'll be out of her hair. It's hard being alone. I havent lived as long as you but living here in London it's like law to have a boyfriend or be screwing around, and that is somethng I do not do because I focused on my studies and my career. My mother calls me idiot ,stupid and a fool, and many variations of the word fat, just because I wasn't a beauty queen like her. Sometimes I feel like the family is to blame. YOU ARE NOT SELFISH YOU HAVE STRUGGLED AND KEPT GOING!

 

No, I don't think your selfish at all, I think you are misunderstood because everyone that you know is very different from you and "normal", compared to you, but you'll be MUCH more understood and sympathized with here.