am i selfish?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lavendR23, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. lavendR23

    lavendR23 Active Member

    am i selfish?
    everyday i wake up and try to be better.
    then i go to work and have to listen to the neo conservative idiots around me who helped ruin this country. i watch the market crash and prolifers tell how much they value life when they leave homeless people to freeze, people without health insurance die and send people off to war.
    then i look at myself and know that noone will love me.
    because there is no love on planet earth. just a bunch of rutting, breeding sheep that cant see beyond their morning latte or getting more money that they will waste on junk anyway. and that any man just wants me for a home appliance and that's assuming im "pretty enough" and stay decent looking long enough (god forbid i age) before they decide to play around and i have to pretend i ignore it.
    on top of it all these stupid little girls that call themselves women who only vote the way their husbands vote, or for who "looks nicer" and spend their lives acting as if the only way a woman should live is to be a mom and if youre not then "youre not really grown up" or "not living as you should be"

    why should i love when there is no love.
    why should i forgive when nothing forgives me.
    why should i respect those who have not EARNED my respect.
    why does having ovaries make MY life about EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT ME.

    the human race deserves to be extinct.
    we are stupid animals that dont have enough sense not to $hit where we eat like any other sensible species.

    i hope i die soon.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Not all people are as you describe them. Sounds like you are mixed in among some of the superficial ones. Don't give up hope. Decent people do exist.
  3. Holy Moly - did you ever cover a lot of ground!!!! :blink:

    I hear ya'...

    And one of my first thoughts was that you're obviously not Mormon (amongst sundry others)...speaking of 'Breeding Machines'
  4. lavendR23

    lavendR23 Active Member

    thank you both for responding.
    im better now but i will like this tomorrow and the day after etc.
    ive been going on like this for years. everyday crying to myself in my cubicle,
    raging on the commute home.

    i can take my personal life being a failure. i swallowed that pill a long time ago.
    but i cant take the world failing. its too much.

    i will wake tomorrow.
    i just dont know what to do to change it
    or how many tomorrows i can take....

    thank you again.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi lavender. There are nice guys left in the world who will be happy to love you for who you are and not just because you can make babies. Just don't give up hope of finding love. :hug:
  6. Never assume the burden of fixing what's been broke since the beginning - "The fish stinks form the head down"...

    Sometimes, I think that the best that can happen is we get a good grade on our Book Report when we go back "home". God knows this life is never dull...

    A THOUSAND things...but never dull.

  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello lavendr23,
    You sound very angry! You may have run into alot of male assholes who think with the little h**D. Not all of us are like that. In my case every woman I have been with cheated on me. I would try again and it would be the same old shit.
    I made the decision 20 years ago to be celebate. I won't go thru that pain again. The last one I attempted suicide because I was ready to marry her and we had bought a house together. So you see it works both ways.
    I am not bitter about it anymore but I also won't try again. I don't hold it against all women because I know there are good ones in this world. My tharapist says I always pick the wild ones because they are exciting. I don't know anout that. I think I just have a poor sence of judgement.
    I hope you find a decent man to love you. Just try to use a little better judgement. I am not saying you don't already, I just want what is best for you!!Good Luck!!~Joseph~
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