Am i sick? or just insane...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sd-239192, Jul 26, 2009.

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  1. sd-239192

    sd-239192 Well-Known Member

    Another night is here and I'm all alone again...
    i got home from work today with one image in my head, a knife and a bathtub with bloody water...
    now my leg is wrapped in gauze and my hands soaked in blood... but i don't feel bad about doing it... its the best i have felt in a long time i haven't done any SH in 3 weeks and today like a starving man set in front of a buffet i gorged myself in beautiful blood... i have had my fill and am sated now the pain sets in... but i love the pain i love the feel of rending flesh, the feel of torn skin pulling when i move... but i shouldn't, this shouldn't be good this shouldn't be pleasant! what is wrong with me to make me like this...
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You're right we shouldnt find pleasure in our pain. But for me atleast I know when I SH I feel like I'm finally in control of at least one thing in my otherwise out-of-control existance. And the aftermath is almost like the desert after a big meal. You know you shouldnt but yet you do because it finishes the meal. Do you have anyone that you can talk to about your SHing? Maybe if you are able to really talk to someone it will help to relieve some of the need to SH. DOPnt know, just throwing that out there. And no I dont think you are sick or insane. You are just a person that is suffering with more than you should have to bear. Some people drink, do drugs ... us we SH. Just trying to get through another day hun is all you are. Yep there are probably much better ways to go about it but this is the one you me and many others have found. I hope that one day you will be able to find a better way. But until that day comes please be safe and try to find some help or a support group.
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: what has made you want to do this hun?
    please stay and talk, don't hurt yourself anymore :heart:
    triggs xx
  4. sd-239192

    sd-239192 Well-Known Member

    I don't know why i did this last one. you could say it was almost a craving. but now I'm in deep. I'm going away for a week with my father and my leg is in shreds. the wrappings wont stay on and it hurts more today.
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