Am i stupid or what?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by famous.last.words, May 3, 2008.

  1. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Right, i know this isnt really a problem, and its stupid really, but im not very good at letting the big things out, so ill start with this one.

    Why do i have to be such a dickhead? nearly 7 years we have been together. when we first moved out, in the middle of all that chaos, and we had nothing. £40 a week for everything, all the bills, everything. and we coped. and you could of left but you didnt. we had nothing but each other and it worked.

    You are my obsession hunny, i just want to make you happy, and i know you are sometimes, but you could do so much better than me. thats why i been buying you all these treats. to keep you with me, to make you love me.

    So today, i got out and max out my credit card buying a big stupid TV. im a student, working part time and i buy a £300 TV, what is my problem? but then you smiled, and it is all worth it. thats why im selling all my stuff on ebay, to buy you things. i got £60 for the month now, but i dont care. you might like me more if i lost some more weight anyway.

    I cant concentrate on my exams. im obsessed by you. you are my everything. please, please. never go. never leave me. ill do anything angel. i cant sleep, i cant breath, im so afraid you will leave me like everyone else. please never leave me. :sad: :sad:
     
  2. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    i see myself in you katie :hug: i pray to god you will never be able to see yourself in me :hug:
     
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I doubt this person is concerned with your weight or getting gifts from you, it sounds like they just want you as much as you want them.

    I also doubt that this person wants you selling your own things/putting financial pressure on yourself to buy him/her things.

    Just tell the person how much you care about them as often as you can.
     
  4. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    Lead Savior, u are totally right. However, I believe that Katie knows this. Maybe in her most insecure moments she thinks she needs to do these things, but - correct me if Im wrong katie hun - I believe she knows he doesnt expect those things from her at all, but it is an enormous fear inside of her that makes her mind believe it. The fear of losing the one person you love, the fear of ever having to realise that maybe you didnt deserve the love youve been experiencing with that person. Of course you do, I see that, he sees that, we all see that. But you yourself arent so sure. You just cant believe how lucky you are and you appreciate this luck so much that you cling on to it with all youve got, with all your heart and soul, so that if you lost it, you would lose yourself.
     
  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    My god Jasmin, that is so absolutly and completly right. Thats better than i could ever have put it myself and you are 100% right. In a clear head, i know he loves me. He puts up with so much shit from me, with all my issues and such. He could of run a mile, he quit the job he loved to move away with me when i wasnt safe. I mean, he could not show his love anymore if he possibily tried. But its this fear. it keeps me awake and it grabs my soul. He works nights and im terrified he will get hurt, i worry about every second and every mark on this skin.

    His dad killed himself when we were 14. i would love to go away, before the hurt gets any worse, but i couldnt put him through that again. even if he doesnt love me and it would just be the shock of seeing me reminding him of his dad, i couldnt do it. he could do anything to me, and i would never leave. he is the only man who hasnt hurt me, and he is the only one who truely knows me. how bad things were. im terrifed he will go.

    So now, im sitting here looking a this giant fucking tele and i know he would come home to me tomorrow without it, but i just want to make sure. does that make some sense? Its like uni, the only reason i try so hard is to try and get a good job for him. i just want to die, but with him, i can just about fight.
     
  6. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    as far as logic is concerned, no, it doesnt make sense. But thats what happens when you find "the one". Surely, not everyone acts exactly the same way, I am not tryin at all to generalize if anyone else reads this. But I personally believe that when you find the one you truly love and wanna be with for the rest of your life, you are so much more likely to forgive things and give second chances and third and fourth, because after all, if the one you love doesnt stick with you, then who will? Its like a mother and father never turnin their back on their child even if they committed a murder, because theyre still a family. So I know just too well what you mean when you say he could do anything and you would never leave.

    I pray and pray and pray that your story doesnt end like mine :hug:
     
  7. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    this is why i care about you so much hunny, and want to look after you and support you until you get back together in your family.

    I think maybe its normal, but taken to another level. i have followed him, but i havent in a long time, i want to be with him every second. he is my world. we have had so many issues, and he was violent for a little bit (because of all the horrible stuff with his dad) but he isnt anymore but to be honest if he was, i wouldnt go anywhere. he is my hero, my whole world,. i would do anything for him.
     
  8. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    yup i can totally relate. its very easy when youre single to say oh if my bf did this or that to me id be outta here quicker than he could notice. and i used to be like that, and i did for those reasons leave some people behind. But then I found the one, the love of my life, and I know that whatever he would have done to me, Id have never ever left his side. And I will always, ALWAYS, wait for him to come back to me. Even if its not good for my own self, not healthy. But I know that my life will always be on hold for him.
     
  9. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    and that is why i would never judge you hunny.
    you and me both know that if you could get over him, your life would be better and easier, but i also know like asking you to let go would be like asking you not to breathe to keep on living. when you have found that person you have no choice but to hang on with all your might, and hope for the best.
     
  10. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    thank you so much for that :hug: and im the same the other way round of course :hug:
     
  11. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    your so welcome hunny.
    I just wanted you to know that i understand. Most wont, and i know people always proclaim to understand, but i really feel like i do.
    My world would be over if he left. im here anytime for you hun, dont forget :hug: