Am I suicidal or depressed?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by danscott89, Nov 6, 2010.

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  1. danscott89

    danscott89 New Member

    I have suffered from ulcerative colitis for 2 years. I am only 21 and face the prospect of having a stoma, possibly for the rest of my life (a stoma is a bag that your body waste is stored in because they need to remove my colon). I have no social life anymore because of how hard it is because of my illness, and my girlfriend of 2 years has split up with me. I now feel as though I'm never going to meet anyone because A) I don't have/want a social life B) I'm a miserable person. People constantly tell me to keep positive but I can't seem to do it. I sometimes think about suicide but know my family would be ashamed of me and to be honest I don't have the guts to do it anyway. I wish constantly I was in a car accident so I didn't have to do it myself. I feel like I have nothing to live for because I have zero confidence in myself and what I have to offer and face a life with no loved one of friends.
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I'm sorry to read your situation, you may or may not be suicidal but if you're even thinking about it with any degree of seriousness added to your backstory I'd say you're likely suffering from depression.

    Have you been to see your GP about it - from the sounds of it, getting more info and support about dealing with ulcerative colitis would be helpful?
     
  3. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I know this is a stupid question but are you able to go out and socialise? I know that you have to carry "your bag" with out all the time but can you do it?
     
  4. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

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    I have suffered from ulcerative colitis for 2 years. I am only 21 and face the prospect of having a stoma, possibly for the rest of my life (a stoma is a bag that your body waste is stored in because they need to remove my colon). I have no social life anymore because of how hard it is because of my illness, and my girlfriend of 2 years has split up with me. I now feel as though I'm never going to meet anyone because A) I don't have/want a social life B) I'm a miserable person. People constantly tell me to keep positive but I can't seem to do it. I sometimes think about suicide but know my family would be ashamed of me and to be honest I don't have the guts to do it anyway. I wish constantly I was in a car accident so I didn't have to do it myself. I feel like I have nothing to live for because I have zero confidence in myself and what I have to offer and face a life with no loved one of friends.

    Hello Dan,
    Im sorry to hear about your situation, i know how stoma bags can affect peoples life, its sad at such a young age you may have to face this.
    One of my ex partners when into hospital at the age of 15 to have his spine straightened, during his operation the "doctors" put the screws in to far then ignoring the warning machines he ended up paralysed from the chest down. I could never imagine having something like that happen. Going into hospital with the use of your legs then coming out in a wheelchair, he has a catheter now and a stoma bag too.
    Life can be so cruel sometimes, and it does make you wonder if theyre is a god then why let these things happen? You are the same age as me and you have your whole life ahead of you for things to change, i think the first thing you should do is visit your local GP and try to get some medical help, keep talking about how you feel and prehaps medication will start to make you feel better.
    Secondly, is there any hobbies that you enjoy doing? you could join a club and im sure you could meet new friends that way.
    Have you tried speaking to your family about how you feel? i know families dont always come across with love the way they should but maybe if you sit them down and explain to them how you feel you may be surprised.
    Em xx
     
  5. danscott89

    danscott89 New Member

    Thanks for all o your concern.

    I don't have the stoma now but am almost certainly going to have to have it once the school year ends.

    DeepEmz, it's stories like yours that makes me feel like mine is stupid because that is so sad to hear. My mum knows of my depression but only to an extent, I try to hide it from her so as not to upset her. I enjoy playing football and tennis but because of my illness I don't have the confidence to play them anymore as my illness makes me need the toilet urgently and has led to embarrassing problems in the past.

    I don't think I would consider myself suicidal just yet but something is clearly not right. Since Thursday I have had trouble sleeping and this morning I woke up at 8 o clock and have been crying constantly since. It hurts so much that my now ex girlfriend doesn't care about me anymore and doesn't want me in her life and it hurts that my friends don't care enough about me to see how I'm doing from time to time as I haven't spoken to most of them in weeks, and when I do it's usually me talking to them.

    I just feel like I have nothing to live for anymore as now even something as simple as me losing my wallet sets me off crying.
     
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    That really indeed sounds like a living hell to live with and I am truly understandable and guessing you're not alone of felling this way when talking about your very horrible illness, I'm hopping the best for your own survival, but it seems like you don't know how it'll be (in the end), and just makes you more to the lowest and keeps you dragging it day and out without reasons. But most Important one, I don't think you should "THINK" TOO MUCH about what's happening, that just takes more of your energy than you can handle and even makes you more down open for "this" = depression and other 'diseases' that can worse your illness, be strong and you'll be okay, think about cancer patients, so much pain, death wherever they went (I know, I had a dad who died in lung cancer) but many fights till the end and they do survives, but scars are still there, for many, but as said, they are the survival ones, DO NOT GIVE UP!

    So please don't! Your illness has nothing to do with how you're felling... there's no mentally wrong with you so trust me it's not an option, you can be free from all this if you just say it to yourself 10-20 a day, and it all goes like you never had meeting with this darkness. :) :heart:
     
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