Am I suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Green_Pastures, Oct 28, 2011.

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  1. Green_Pastures

    Green_Pastures New Member

    Hi people. I've been looking for a site where I can be anonymous.

    I'm a norwegian 25 year old man. I have a very good income as an electrician, I have a few hobbies including radio controlled gasoline powered cars, guitar playing (my 10th year) and competition handgun shooting.

    I have a very stressfull situation at work, I live with my girlfriend who has a heavy anxiety in general. Other people, her self esteem etc. etc.
    I have to constantly comfort her and I worry every day about her well-being.
    At work I get into constant conflicts where I feel disrespected as a craftsman.
    I get treated like an apprentice (eventhough by boss is not even a trained electrician).
    I tell myself all the time that I just don't give a fuck about some control freak asshole of a boss. But I can't deny that it is an extra load on my shoulders.
    I feel tired almost all the time and I have very little energy else in life than worry about.... pretty much everything. Especially my girlfriend.

    The things that scare me is that I keep having these dreams. I keep dreaming that I'm sitting in my living room cleaning my handguns, picking up one< edit moderator total eclipse method> pulling the trigger. Then I wake up with a powerfull jolt through my whole body and I'm all sweaty.

    I would never in my life even think of pointing any of my guns towards myself or anyone else. I would not even load them any other place than the gun range.

    Why do I keep dreaming these dreams.

    I don't know if these dreams has any relevance to my life in general or if it is just some weird dream with no meaning that has glued itself to my mind.

    I am a confident person. I believe I have a stronger than average psyche.

    I'm confused.

    Anyone else have these kind of dreams?
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2011
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't think that the dreams themselves are necessarily such a problem. People have weird dreams all the time. They may be meaningful though, to the extent that they may be reflecting things that are going on in your life

    Please don't think that being confident or having a strong psyche means that someone is not at risk for suicide. People who are suicidal are not weak people. Anyone who faces more than they can handle in life will probably feel suicidal. And everyone at some point faces more than they can handle

    If there is even a question that you or your girlfriend might be suicidal, it would probably be a good idea to get rid of the guns. If you are not willing to get rid of them, please at least lock them up very securely, and in such a way that it would take quite a bit of time and effort to get access to them

    You might want to talk to a councilor about the situation with your boss, or look for a new job.

    I think that you don't have to pretend that your boss doesn't bother you when he does. You might want to look into assertiveness training.

    The basic idea is that you have a right to express what you think and feel. If you say to your boss "look, I don't like the way that you treat me, you don't have a right to talk to me the way I do. You need to have more respect for me and for the work that I do".

    I don't know what the laws are in Norway, but you could have a legal case against your boss if he is harassing you.

    I hope that things get better soon!
  3. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    It doesn't sound like you are actively wanting to die or kill yourself, so I don't believe you are suicidal per se, but I do believe you are trying to tell yourself that something needs to change.

    Death can mean more than just an end, especially in a dream-- it can mean leaving pain behind or cutting off what you don't want to live with, or like, anymore. I would fathom that your dreams are just one way that you are telling yourself that your life isn't going the way you want it to and that something needs to change. Another way is that you are tired all of the time and are unmotivated, your body is telling you that things are not alright.

    I don't know what your life is like, or what opportunities you have, but it is clear that you are receiving stress from your girlfriend and your boss. With your girlfriend, I would suggest asking and thinking about if she is what is right for you at this moment. If she is only hurting you or has been burdening you with her emotions (without taking any responsibility herself) or if she has not been getting help or working on her anxiety issues, there is a problem. If she is currently dealing with something that she cannot control or help, getting some outside help might not be a bad idea. Not only would it help her, but it would ease some of the burden on you.

    As for your boss, have you tried looking elsewhere for employment? You only have so long to live, and living under a disrespectful boss any longer than you have to isn't alright. Again, I don't know your situation, but maybe try looking into some alternatives to the place you are working, or some way that you can be placed under another supervisor.

    What you need, I think, is something to change. It doesn't sound like you're too happy with the way things are, so try looking into what you can do to make it better. Your dreams sound difficult to live through, but it's just a representation of how you feel about your place in life right now. Good luck.

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