am I that lonely..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by donthaveusername, Sep 8, 2007.

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  1. I don't know why I keep talking to him. He doesn't seem to care much about me. He says we're friends, but he treats me more like an ex-girlfriend that did him wrong. He says the worse things about me, he means them too and he has no remorse for the way he makes me feel. So why do I keep wanting to be around him?? Am I that sick, that lonely, that desperate that I'd give up what little bit of self-respect I have left just to feel not so alone. Am I that alone...I just wish he'd show me a little bit of compassion for a change. I don't know what to do anymore...If I keep talking to him, he'll just keep treating me like dirt, If I stop, I'll be alone again...what's worse? I can't figure out why he's the way he is with me. I have a good feeling it's just because he doesn't like me much. I guess I'm afraid of the truth, that if I did go, it wouldn't matter an ounce to him. And that it'll be proof that I was never worth anyone's time.
  2. syntaxerror

    syntaxerror Antiquities Friend

    being alone is better than being with someone who treats you like dirt - not at first but after a while. It was my fear of being alone that kept me in an abusive relationship for 10 years. Not that I LIKE being alone - I don't - but it's better than being with someone who didn't relaly like me and treated me very badly.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Fight fire with fire. If he starts treating you that way, simply tell him you're not going to put up with it and to give you a call when he grows up and can act like a civilized human being. And STICK TO IT!

    Best case scenario, he has a bad habit that can be broken if you hold him accountable and he could actually be a really caring guy.

    Worst case? He can't treat you well and you never speak to him again.

    Both of these options are better than being stuck with a guy who treats you like crap.

    Personally, I'd rather be alone. And remember, it's not being "alone", but being "free" and giving yourself the opportunity to meet the right person.

    Some of the best advice I've ever gotten was "People will treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you". They can either treat you properly or get the fuck out IMO.
  4. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    I've been in this situation.

    You pretty much summed up how I've felt about myself last December. I know that feeling of vicious self-loathing when it comes to why you stick around in a bad relationship or why you keep going back to a person who damages you and hurts you. I've cut off contact for good now and it took me a good two years of cycling back and forth to do it.

    It takes time. It will take a long time but try and not beat yourself up too much about it.

    There are underlying reasons for why you're doing this. You've already said, you feel lonely. That's exactly how I felt just before I'd restart contact with him.

    I can't tell you what to do as I know how complicated it is to really look at what you're doing and most importantly WHY you're doing it..what you get out of it, why you feel so alone, how to cope with the loneliness, how you can surround yourself with helpful people who love and care about you. My sister is in a more extreme situation where there are horrible control issues going on in both sides and still...she's with him. It takes a long time. I found counselling/therapy helped a lot in realising that I wasn't going to get what I wanted from him anymore, that everything that was nice had faded/obscured by his manipulation and that there was no point in looking in his direction anymore.

    Maybe it would be helpful for you to talk to a counsellor/therapist about what you're going through.

    Be gentle with yourself. You're worth a lot more than how you feel. You're just hurting.

    Take care. xx
  5. Thanks for the input. I just wish it was easy to shut off these feelings. I am lonely, but it's not why I like him so much....:(
  6. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    Sorry, it's not easy at all. I've been here for the same reasons, someone who I loved betrayed me. It's a very hard reality to deal with. But stick with it, things will bet better as time goes on.
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