Am I that strange?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by theken, Nov 25, 2011.

  1. theken

    theken New Member

    It would make this easier if I had a story to tell you of tribulation I have endured but there are none. I am nearly 40 years old, life has become a complete bore to me. I feel rage and anger inside and at times want to express it physically. My friends would be shocked to know I feel this way, to be honest I couldn't bear the protocol for telling someone, "do you have a plan"?

    I do not have a plan, I do know methods with assure lethality. I don't know if I would want to go out with adrenaline pumping or just fade into a forever sleep.

    I looked to Christianity years ago but the more I read, the more I think just adds to my understanding that faith in a fairy tale is as helpful as crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. For the last 2-3 years I have come to grips with my absence of faith while faking it around my family, for their sake.

    Christmas season shares my birthday, my father's birthday, it also shares the day of his death. I find this season harder to endure each and every year. I have an overwhelming sense of impending doom. I have always been one to plan out my next day but I haven't left my room in a week.

    I have recently finished a degree in the medical field, in hopes of finding a new calling, a reason, to help others... I don't care though, I would fail at this as I can't even help myself.

    I know this will probably not be posted as I am a new member and in all likeliness I will never come back to this site and will drudge right along. Just thought that I could speak of it, even if it is to people I have never and will never see. Seems therapeutic in a way.

    Anyways, have a nice day all :)
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun just wanted to say that it is so hard to take care of ourselves even more so when we are in the medical field We tend to think we can but it is best if we reach out and get care from someone who understands depression who specialty is working with Us to get the emotions we are having to go away.
    Just as we are not suppose to care for family members we should not try to handle everything on our own okay Reach out to a psychologist psychiatrist and get the help you need to get out of the depth of the depression you are in.
    It does help hun having someone to listen to care to guide us okay Hopeyou do come back and keep posting okay that help too know one is not alone in all this helps hugs to you