Am I the cause?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Carcinogen, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    About a year ago my closest friend committed suicide while I was on holiday. I had made him a promise that I would never be out of contact while I was away, but when we came back home for two days in the middle, I left my phone charger at home. When I got back from my holiday, I got a phone call telling me that he was dead. When I charged my phone, I found that I had a missed call from him - I had broken the promise I made him. Many people stopped talking to me, and refused to tell me where his grave is, as his death was my responsibility. I still miss him so much.

    I was just starting to think a bit less about all of this, and what happened, when yesterday I met up with two people I hadn't seen in a long while. I went back to their house, and it was all going well until we went out to get some chips. One of the two people said he would rather stay at the house to use the internet, and we thought no more of it. But when we got back in, the first thing I saw was my friend hanging over the stairs. We cut him down and called an ambulance. He is currently unconscious in hospital, and doctors are unsure if there is brain damage.

    But it makes me I the cause of the deaths of my friends? Is there some contract that stipulates that if you are friends with me you must commit suicide? I don't hold out much hope for the rest of my friends - when they work out the average lifespan of a person who is friends with me, I'm certain they won't stick around for long.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Firstly, there is no way you are responsible for your first friends' death.
    It was unfortunate that you missed the call but who's to say it would have made any difference? When a person is hell bent on ending their life there is little to nothing anyone else can do to stop it, we are the masters of our own fate.

    As to this second friend, I would imagine that you are a caring soul and so maybe :unsure: the lonely, depressed, sad type of people feel drawn to you as a friend.
    Lets be honest, most people don't give the oddballs, the lonely or the depressed people of the planet a bloody look in unless they have empathy or are caring enough to bother.
    If this is the case you are likely to have a few friends that try/or do kill themselves :sad:
    I've lost 3 friends to suicide and my grandfather, but it wasn't cos I was the kiss of death and neither are you :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You are not the cause of your friend's death and other's near death. It is the pain that they carry and battle every day. You were a friend. Something that I'm sure was important to your friend. You cared and tried to help when many others would turn away. I'm sorry you are suffering so. But you must realize that even the person who commits suicide is not themselves. It is their pain and demons that have control not them. So how could you possibly be responsible? Be strong.