Am i the only one?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by sweetles, Mar 30, 2015.

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  1. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    In the year + i have belonged to this site, i have rarely come across a posting from someone in a life situation similar to mine. By this i mean being almost totally isolated, having no family connections or close friends. In reality I have only one person I could call friend at all, and that person is my X and sick and tired of my heartbreak and ceaseless depression. So we communicate rarely.

    I live alone. I work, so am forced to be around people for 30 hrs a week. Outside of that, I usually don't hear from anyone. There are a couple of men who occasionally contact me to use me for sex. I am fine with this...I want no sex unless it is casual.

    So often people respond here with, "tell a loved one," or "think of how you will hurt those who love you." But what if you truly have no one? And am I the only one?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I know how you feel...I don't have anyone to turn to, either. I used to have friends to talk to, but they stopped talking to me since they are sick of dealing with me. I'm so sorry you have to go through this alone, but I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to how you are feeling.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think you could gain a lot by going to group therapy & also make friends there. I have a good friend who has similar issues to me and it is a great outlet. You need to talk and let it all out. Are you in or have tried therapy?

    And to answer your question, you most definitely are not the only one.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you don't have many connections and are feeling alone. That's not fun.

    There are things we can do to reduce the isolation, but they are not magic, easy, quick fixes. It takes time and effort to create a social network and to make and keep friends. I think it is important to find people who have similar interests.

    Let's say you like to read - your local library probably has a reading group or two that you could join. Or you could take a course. If you like to help people, there might be volunteering you could do a couple of times a month. Maybe you are passionate about animal rescue...many shelters need people to help with the animals or be public representatives (handing out brochures, talking on the phone). Are you into a sport? Maybe there is a recreation center in your area where they have adult teams for stuff like soccer or baseball. Maybe you have some artistic talent and could take a painting course at a studio or through a community college or your local school system. Or perhaps you're good with costumes or painting stage sets - community theater groups often need lots of help. If you have any religious leanings, you could join a church/temple (and even if you're not religious, many churches would
    welcome you for the "community" aspect alone).

    These do take effort, commitment, some trial and error, and a bit of time to let others get to know you and for you to get to know others. When we join a group, real "participation" in whatever the group is about helps people to "see us" and to include us more. (In my "women's group," I volunteered to do dishes because it's team work, it's helpful to the group, and people remember if you are "helpful.")

    I like volunteering - it makes me feel useful and appreciated (and also grateful for the good things in my life). I've met some wonderful people that way. And at courses and through interest groups. It took a while, but the "click" with a few people did happen. Please keep trying. There are good people out there, and I bet you'd be a lovely friend to have. :)
  5. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    Yes have done the therapy thing...inpatient for e.d. and suicidal ideation, outpatient group, one on one, tms, etc and blah blah. Was never helpful at all and in two cases really f*cked me up. Anyhow, I am not looking for advice or tips on how to change my circumstances... I accept it is what it is. I am genuinely curious if there are others on this particular forum similarly isolated. Not, "no one understands me, so I feel alone," but literally alone.

    If they are out there I wish they'd speak up more often.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm pretty isolated, but maybe in a different way. Sometimes I kind of like it that way, but I would like to have some positive connections. I have family, but they are kind of like these semi-monster people to me.

    Having casual sex partners might be nice in some ways, but if I felt like I was getting used, that would just piss me off.

    Getting some real community could help. Not always easy to find though. Real community here though, I think :)
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I know more than 10 offhand that has mentioned absolute no support system at all. Youre not alone. And they have spoken about it across the forum. Dont think youre the only one and there are so many that has been truly alone at one point in their lives. Many circumstances just happen for different people.

    Good luck
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I might be able to add some advice, but I'll not offer that unless you want me to, since you specifically said that you were not looking for that.
  9. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I don't really feel like anyone else deals with the same thing that I do either. I feel like I'm the only one in the world that deals with what I deal with, but if it's happened to me, I'm sure that there must be others.
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