Am I the only one.....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by moxman, Aug 17, 2016.

  1. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Has anyone else have this happen to them: I have been having a really good day. Then WHAM, everything starts crashing around me and my suicidal thoughts return. The depression is in full force. I feel so damn worthless, and so overwhelmed, so useless. I am just so tired of it all. I want to stop fighting a futile fight. What is even my point of existing? I feel so alone. In my 42 years I don't think i have ever been happy but for a handful of days. What is the point of existing if it is only pain, sickness, and loneliness. I hate myself so much; for just being a total screwup.

    I haven't opened my mail in three months now, I have stacks of mail all over my place. It is just too much to deal with. I am so friggin tired of being in charge of everything.
     
  2. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    Yes. This year I find I feel that way all the time. It's driving me crazy
     
  3. cvb2377

    cvb2377 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, today I woke up ok, happy even. Then when I went grocery shopping I started to feel like crap again. I don't know if I'm feeling suicidal but I'm depressed as hell
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Yes. It has happened to me.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Ditto in the feelings department. I'm also looking at a stack of mail myself. That I kept putting off the two months. Going to force myself to do this today when I get home.
     
  6. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    I experience that too. And I know that its sucks. "The depression is in full force", yeah and it is also unstoppable. When my depression strikes I try to do something but it is still there. my only temporary cure is meditating. you are not alone
     
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs

    We're for you. You're not alone in this battle of depression/suicidal thoughts. Don't give up. We'll get through this all together. One moment at a time.
     
    Topz likes this.
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey Mox, yeah, this happens all the time mate and I hate it as well. I dont have the mail crap, but I ignore the phone when it rings. I look at my mobile if I get a txt message, but if it rings or the landline rings, to hell with em, I just ignore it, so its a similar type of thing.

    It is one of those things with depression and the like, it comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tides, I just wish it was as predictable.

    Dont forget why you are here at SF. You made it to 42, just think, if you were able to find some happiness how wonderful life could be. It is still possible that you can be happy and have a rewarding life. Dont lose all hope, it might only be small, but there is always hope.
     
    moxman likes this.
  9. Jessicakaire911

    Jessicakaire911 Well-Known Member

    Yep
     
  10. DreamerGal

    DreamerGal Member

    I have problems keeping up with my mail myself. I have bags I need to go through. It’s overwhelming. When I do go through it, I have a box for stuff that needs shredding.

    I think the reason my moods change on a dime sometimes, like you are describing, is because I am in denial of my current reality. And if I don’t act now, I will run into a brick wall. But that is just me.

    I hope you find some peace and comfort today.
     
  11. draws

    draws Active Member

    Yeah, totally. I don't trust those thoughts any more. If I was more careful, I'd stay away from triggers more. But I do know that if I ignore the bad flare up, just suffer through it, it WILL be less bad later. Think of it as a migraine or a stomach ache. It fcking sucks, but it does get less bad and seem less like the-only-thing-that-matters. (Just don't try to think about what matters, good lord that only makes it worse!)
     
  12. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I have those days Mox. I'm doing well, I feel happy, overall busy cooking or painting...I sit down to dinner and wham panic attack out of nowhere. It's devastating and takes hours to cease then the physical toll it has on my body starts, the migraine, the aches...then the fear the next day it'll happen again. It takes day to recover from it.

    You're so helpful here on the forum, I often forget we all have problems because you seem such a pillar of strength and good advice when I read your posts! I know you posted this a while back, but I just wanted to offer my support since you've so generously done this for everyone else! xx
     
    DreamerGal and moxman like this.