am i the only one that feels like everything i have been through, is just a punishment for something? i feel like my life has gone so terrible on so many different fronts, maybe i am being punished? i am being punished because i am a bad person??
i feel so trapped in my life that no matter what i try to do, i will just get gut-punched and knocked back down. i am so tired of it all. i am tired of the pain, i am tired of the sickness, i am tired of feeling useless and stupid, sometimes i hear in my head my mother telling me how stupid i was when i was growing up, how ugly i was. i know on some level i am smarter than her, but it is how i feel. i hate feeling things anymore. i don't feel anything positive, all i do is take care of people.
how awesome can i be if my own brother ghosted me, still? every time i have reached out to him, it's the usual bs. he's a master manipulator and i am too dumb to see through his shit. if it wasn't for my dad, i would block him once in for all.
i hate myself, i hate life.
i feel so trapped in my life that no matter what i try to do, i will just get gut-punched and knocked back down. i am so tired of it all. i am tired of the pain, i am tired of the sickness, i am tired of feeling useless and stupid, sometimes i hear in my head my mother telling me how stupid i was when i was growing up, how ugly i was. i know on some level i am smarter than her, but it is how i feel. i hate feeling things anymore. i don't feel anything positive, all i do is take care of people.
how awesome can i be if my own brother ghosted me, still? every time i have reached out to him, it's the usual bs. he's a master manipulator and i am too dumb to see through his shit. if it wasn't for my dad, i would block him once in for all.
i hate myself, i hate life.