I want to commit suicide. I have attempted a bunch of times in the past. I really am struggling and having a lot of suicidal thoughts. I fight them because I love my friends so much and they are wonderful. I don't want to hurt them. But I really think if it wasn't for them, I would do it. I just feel so incredibly depressed. I suffer from Bipolar disorder, but I also have physical issues as well. I have RA. Its a chronic and very painful condition where your immune system attacks your joints. I am in a tremendous amount of pain every day, and have to walk with a walker and sometimes use a wheelchair. It's so painful even to walk or do anything, it hurts so much and this disease has no cure and gets worse with time. In ten years, I will probably be in a wheelchair permanently. One of the people Jack Kevorkian killed had RA too. That was why she wanted to die. Here is why I think I'm a hypocrite. I want to die so badly and have tried. But I am on the board of e pro-life groups. including one that also opposes the death penalty and war. So here I am, working for an organization that says life is sacred even from conception, and all that, and yet I am suicidal. I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite. How can I say the death penalty is wrong but I want to execute myself? And by the way, PLEASE dont' make this an abortion debate- I really don't want to talk about politics. I have nothing but compassion for women who have abortions and would never judge. So please don't feel like I"m condemning anyone and lets just not go there. But I feel so much like a hypocrite. If it wasn't for my friends and loved ones, loving them so much and KNOWING how hurt they would be by my death, I think I would do it right now. And I am such a hypocrite.