***HEADS UP: This rant contains a bit of religion-bashing that, while relevant to my point, you might find offensive if you have the intellectual integrity of, say, a wombat.***
Sometimes I convince myself that I'll be forever alone.
This is going to sound pretentious (and hell, it probably is), but I can't help but feel that the qualities I look for in a partner are becoming more and more rare. I'm an atheist, a skeptic, and a bit of a cynic. I find the belief in the supernatural--be it a god, magic, fairies and unicorns or just some mystical bullshit about how the crystal you bought at the mall has remarkable healing powers--to be dreadfully uninviting. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for people believing what they want to believe; but when it comes to attraction, the acceptance of things that have no basis in reality is about as repulsive to me as broccoli is to Michael Moore.
I was raised in a rather religious household: a family of "non-denominational" (which, ironically, is still a denomination) Christians. I grew up going to church three times a week, praying daily, and believing pretty much everything my elders at home and at church had to say. The disparity in my worldview came with the fact that I also grew up bisexual, a facet of my self that I've only recently been willing to explore. In fact, it wasn't until I was nearing my twenties that I realized that for the whole of my life I had been raised to hate who I am; to fear and loathe something that is completely natural and ultimately non-offensive. Over the course of several years, long thought, and from reading various books on the subject, I ultimately came to the conclusion that I was an atheist.
What does this have to do with relationship matters? Well, it comes to this. I look back on my life and see the hate and bile that I felt as a kid and that only came from the beliefs I had been spoon-fed since infancy. I remember the anger and the distrust, the hate and the fear, and I just can't see myself being in a relationship with anyone who holds a belief in anything even slightly resembling what I was brought up to believe.
I know it sounds like I'm painting with a broad brush, and I know there are plenty of religious people out there who hold more liberal and accepting attitudes towards sexuality, etc. But it's not only that. I find belief in such things to be a sign of an intellectually flaccid person, and whether or not that's an accurate observation, I simply can't get beyond it. In the past, I've been completely head-over-heels for someone, only to be completely turned off after finding out that he or she believed in some hooey about star signs.
To be honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this. It's just hard for me to think that I'll find someone who sees the world like I do, which is difficult in itself to explain. I feel lonelier because of it, more spiteful, and less friendly. I find a love of art, an appreciation of science and a liberal mind to be three of the most attractive things I could find in a person. Belief in the supernatural, in my mind, is the direct opposite of at least two of those and makes about as much sense to me as trying to solve a sandwich crime while wearing a bobsled.
I haven't slept for more than twenty-four hours and I'm a little upset over something that happened only a few hours ago, so maybe I'm just using this forum as a ventilation duct. At any rate, thanks for reading if you got this far. I don't really know what else to say. I guess, if I had a question, I would ask if any of you feel the same way as me on this, or am I truly doomed to be forever alone.
- Power Word Fabulous
Sometimes I convince myself that I'll be forever alone.
This is going to sound pretentious (and hell, it probably is), but I can't help but feel that the qualities I look for in a partner are becoming more and more rare. I'm an atheist, a skeptic, and a bit of a cynic. I find the belief in the supernatural--be it a god, magic, fairies and unicorns or just some mystical bullshit about how the crystal you bought at the mall has remarkable healing powers--to be dreadfully uninviting. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for people believing what they want to believe; but when it comes to attraction, the acceptance of things that have no basis in reality is about as repulsive to me as broccoli is to Michael Moore.
I was raised in a rather religious household: a family of "non-denominational" (which, ironically, is still a denomination) Christians. I grew up going to church three times a week, praying daily, and believing pretty much everything my elders at home and at church had to say. The disparity in my worldview came with the fact that I also grew up bisexual, a facet of my self that I've only recently been willing to explore. In fact, it wasn't until I was nearing my twenties that I realized that for the whole of my life I had been raised to hate who I am; to fear and loathe something that is completely natural and ultimately non-offensive. Over the course of several years, long thought, and from reading various books on the subject, I ultimately came to the conclusion that I was an atheist.
What does this have to do with relationship matters? Well, it comes to this. I look back on my life and see the hate and bile that I felt as a kid and that only came from the beliefs I had been spoon-fed since infancy. I remember the anger and the distrust, the hate and the fear, and I just can't see myself being in a relationship with anyone who holds a belief in anything even slightly resembling what I was brought up to believe.
I know it sounds like I'm painting with a broad brush, and I know there are plenty of religious people out there who hold more liberal and accepting attitudes towards sexuality, etc. But it's not only that. I find belief in such things to be a sign of an intellectually flaccid person, and whether or not that's an accurate observation, I simply can't get beyond it. In the past, I've been completely head-over-heels for someone, only to be completely turned off after finding out that he or she believed in some hooey about star signs.
To be honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this. It's just hard for me to think that I'll find someone who sees the world like I do, which is difficult in itself to explain. I feel lonelier because of it, more spiteful, and less friendly. I find a love of art, an appreciation of science and a liberal mind to be three of the most attractive things I could find in a person. Belief in the supernatural, in my mind, is the direct opposite of at least two of those and makes about as much sense to me as trying to solve a sandwich crime while wearing a bobsled.
I haven't slept for more than twenty-four hours and I'm a little upset over something that happened only a few hours ago, so maybe I'm just using this forum as a ventilation duct. At any rate, thanks for reading if you got this far. I don't really know what else to say. I guess, if I had a question, I would ask if any of you feel the same way as me on this, or am I truly doomed to be forever alone.
- Power Word Fabulous
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