Am I Too Picky?: Religion, Belief and Relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by panoply, May 12, 2011.

  1. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    ***HEADS UP: This rant contains a bit of religion-bashing that, while relevant to my point, you might find offensive if you have the intellectual integrity of, say, a wombat.***

    Sometimes I convince myself that I'll be forever alone.

    This is going to sound pretentious (and hell, it probably is), but I can't help but feel that the qualities I look for in a partner are becoming more and more rare. I'm an atheist, a skeptic, and a bit of a cynic. I find the belief in the supernatural--be it a god, magic, fairies and unicorns or just some mystical bullshit about how the crystal you bought at the mall has remarkable healing powers--to be dreadfully uninviting. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for people believing what they want to believe; but when it comes to attraction, the acceptance of things that have no basis in reality is about as repulsive to me as broccoli is to Michael Moore.

    I was raised in a rather religious household: a family of "non-denominational" (which, ironically, is still a denomination) Christians. I grew up going to church three times a week, praying daily, and believing pretty much everything my elders at home and at church had to say. The disparity in my worldview came with the fact that I also grew up bisexual, a facet of my self that I've only recently been willing to explore. In fact, it wasn't until I was nearing my twenties that I realized that for the whole of my life I had been raised to hate who I am; to fear and loathe something that is completely natural and ultimately non-offensive. Over the course of several years, long thought, and from reading various books on the subject, I ultimately came to the conclusion that I was an atheist.

    What does this have to do with relationship matters? Well, it comes to this. I look back on my life and see the hate and bile that I felt as a kid and that only came from the beliefs I had been spoon-fed since infancy. I remember the anger and the distrust, the hate and the fear, and I just can't see myself being in a relationship with anyone who holds a belief in anything even slightly resembling what I was brought up to believe.

    I know it sounds like I'm painting with a broad brush, and I know there are plenty of religious people out there who hold more liberal and accepting attitudes towards sexuality, etc. But it's not only that. I find belief in such things to be a sign of an intellectually flaccid person, and whether or not that's an accurate observation, I simply can't get beyond it. In the past, I've been completely head-over-heels for someone, only to be completely turned off after finding out that he or she believed in some hooey about star signs.

    To be honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this. It's just hard for me to think that I'll find someone who sees the world like I do, which is difficult in itself to explain. I feel lonelier because of it, more spiteful, and less friendly. I find a love of art, an appreciation of science and a liberal mind to be three of the most attractive things I could find in a person. Belief in the supernatural, in my mind, is the direct opposite of at least two of those and makes about as much sense to me as trying to solve a sandwich crime while wearing a bobsled.

    I haven't slept for more than twenty-four hours and I'm a little upset over something that happened only a few hours ago, so maybe I'm just using this forum as a ventilation duct. At any rate, thanks for reading if you got this far. I don't really know what else to say. I guess, if I had a question, I would ask if any of you feel the same way as me on this, or am I truly doomed to be forever alone.

    - Power Word Fabulous
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2011
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Science may have a solution...

    It's been shown that the two most important things to demonstrate long-term success of a relationship are agreement on religion and politics.

    (I disagree strongly with your opinion that religious beliefs have anything to do with intelligence, though... But maybe that's irrational: I'm very intelligent and try as I might I can't believe in anything but science. :\ )
  3. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    Hm, I'm not sure we disagree on your final point. I equate a love of science with intelligence, and I find intelligence highly attractive (a necessity even) when looking for a partner. I find religion to be the antithesis of intelligence. I might be a bigot, though; who knows!

    Science is the foundation of all knowledge. :)

    But thank you very much for replying.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2011
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Well, I find that there are intelligent people involved in religion. And religion and science aren't contradictory if you don't want them to be. I personally don't see why people can't see evolution as part of God's plan (rant removed). :(
  5. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    Yep. There are libraries on this topic. I could go on at length, myself. The Bible (or any religious text, for that matter) is so open to interpretation that it certainly could be believed alongside science. I just happen to think it takes a great deal of dishonesty to do so. The nature of science and the scientific method simply doesn't leave room for non-empirical evidence, and that's all any religion really has to offer.

    Oh, and to say that all religious people are unintelligent is, obviously, a gross generalization and downright wrong on my part. Religions do, however, tend to prey on the less-informed. Just saying! (rant also removed.)
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2011
  6. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    There are plenty of people who share your views, don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done, but after all, if there are books written on the topic, there must be enough demand for them to actually get published, no? :p

    I think everyone feels the way you do at some point, that they won't find someone they are completely compatible with. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
  7. panoply

    panoply Banned Member

    Twenty-three. :p
  8. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I have always had an athiest streak in me and it started at school because my relgious teacher could not answer some basic fundamental questions about god and the bible when other evidence had presented an opposing explination. To be honest, I was 50% Atheist, 20% Agostic and 30% neutral.

    But over the years I have grown full-blown atheist. I have witnessed too much wrong in the world and have had to watch the few close people I had in my life die from various 'god created' conditions that made me feel very bitter towards religion. I began to take the subject seriously and have read a lot on evolution, the cosmos and universe and works by Sagan and Dawkins.

    I regard religion as harmless for those people who take it in the same vein as horoscopes, santa claus and so-called fortune tellers and the like.

    But for those who are unable to take it in that context, I regard religion as one of the most dangerous and destructive forces in mankind which has unleashed some of the worst atrocities in all time and all in the name of a work of fiction. If people can't see what it is and its origins, I consider that a measure of thier gullibility, blind arrogance with the inablity to face the pure truth of everything around us.

    I now view people who take it seriously as deluded and gullable.
  9. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    You say you're an atheist, a skeptic and a cynic well people with those particular attributes are plentiful these days and their numbers are increasing at an alarming rate so you shouldn't have that much of a problem finding a mate!
  10. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Still plenty of time to meet someone then, no? x)