Am I too selfish if I kill myself?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by secreta, Oct 23, 2011.

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  1. secreta

    secreta Member

    I have no reason to continue this life. I know it may sound ridiculous because I'm only 16 but I have lost all my hope for the future. I will never be anything else than loner forever. I don't want it.
    I don't have any friends, I really want to make friends with other people but I'm unable to do it. I have social anxiety, I'm too shy and antisocial. I have been alone a few years now, not a long time but it's enough for me.
    At school everyone hate me, they stare me, talk shit about me, laugh at me, ignore me, all because they have noticed that I'm just a weird loner. They don't bully me but it still hurts.
    I have talked about this with many psychologists but it does not help me. I also eat "happy pills" but still day by day I feel more sadder. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself..
    I haven't told for anyone that I'm planning to do suicide. I can't tell to psychologists or anyone else about my suicide plans, I know they can put me into mental hospital or somewhere then.
    I know how my family would be sad if I kill myself, this is why I feel I'm selfish if I do it. I don't want to cause problems for them but I have already decided which way I can kill myself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2011
  2. joonior

    joonior Active Member

    Of course you shouldn't; you've made some friends by joining this forum! The forums are relatively active, but don't take offense if you don't get replied to right away, we will work with you and try to help you out.

    When your account becomes fully activated, you can hop into the chat with us - you'll usually find a good amount of people in one of the channels.

    If there's one thing I'd like to say to you, it's that high school can be a really crummy time for some of us. Everyone's trying to make themselves appear better than the next guy, and we can't all come out on top. Unfortunately this may have happened to you, but it doesn't mean people hate you. It just means some other jerk tried to get all the glory and they're all falling for the trick.

    One thing I might suggest is to see if there are any school clubs you could get into? Perhaps chess, gamers, drama, math, etc, these clubs are full of people that likely felt similar to you at one point, but have found others to share with and enjoy a good time with by joining the club.

    Good luck, and don't ever think that killing yourself is the answer! It'll hurt someone very badly; heck, I myself would be very upset about it because I'd like to see you enjoy your high school years!

    So reply when you can, and I'll get back to you ASAP!

    P.S. I don't think you're "too selfish to kill yourself", I believe quite the opposite. I think by sticking through with this and trying to find help you are, in turn, helping people around you, that care very much! And if that's being selfish, then I don't want to imagine what you'd have to do to be selfless!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2011
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Hey secreta. That's what I felt like and vented about when I joined this forum, at your age. I'm 18 now, and I'll tell you this you have a lot more to live for and you haven't experienced anything yet. I wish I'd have told myself this sometimes.....

    Please just cope with the help you're getting for your depression, tweak the meds maybe and gear it more to anxiety/depression. And try to pull through school getting good grades. Things can still change for you for the best, I'd hapilly take your position (I was there).
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hiya secreta and welcome to SF,

    I can kind of relate to the way you are feeling. I moved to a new school when I was 15 and got bullied badly. Mostly verbally but on occasions physically. Was a loner, social anxiety, SH'ed etc. I attempted and I can tell you it was not worth it and that things can get better, especially if you seek medical help. At 16 you have not really lived life and have a lot to look forward to and live for, even if you don't see it right now. I managed to pull my grades up, get into uni and now I am going to be getting married in the near future. Things I never imagined I would be doing when I was 16 :)
     
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