am i useless? probably

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cctv, Apr 2, 2009.

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  1. cctv

    cctv Guest

    i've felt down now for a couple of years, but always managed to keep on top of it, in fact thinking about it now, i've felt down for years. my dad died when i was 14/15 (cant remember exactly, how bad is that), i'm now nearly 38, happily married(or not, just cant talk to my wife about it, i've always kept things bottled up), 4 great kids, good job that i enjoy.
    but...
    the past 6/8 months i've felt really down, so bad that even my wife is now suffering from deppression, (she's been to the docs, i haven't), it's so bad that when i'm on my own, i'm always thinking of ways to end it all. when i'm walking to work, i'm looking round for ways to go, you know like, a high bridge, in the canal, under the bus.

    but i cant, i'm s*** scared, a coward.
    i love my wife and kids, but i'm a useless husband and father, but what's stopping me, i think, is what are they going to do, if i went through with it.

    it's taken me nearly 45 mins to type this, i told you i was useless.

    thanks for reading my ramble
    james
     
  2. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Ok so just a thought maybe you should see a doc to start... Idk but i bet ur wife is getting better cause she's seen a doc.... I can understand some of the feelings ur going through like that u r useless so why bother... I've felt that way for most of my life and it sucks...but I find talking helps...I have a counselor and I always feel better after a session with them so I guess what I'm saying is seek help start talking to whoever will listen, talk to ur wife, seek help with her, if you seek help and just keep it up and things will get better...from my experience....it will be a long road and it won't happen overnight but things wll get better

    I hope this makes sense...sometimes Idk if I do make sense but....:)
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Zombie that you should seek help..Not necessarily a shrink but a good therapist for sure.. If you are to do anything that will scar your children for life..They may even start having problems themselves if you go thru with it.. I have been seeing a therapist for three years twice a month and I can see the progress I have made with her.. You can even have your wife sit in on some sessions.. When your up to it..You sound like a caring person who has just been caught up in major depression.. There is a lot of that going around especially now adays because of the recession..Give it a go and see if it doesn't help.. You have to give it time though because you have to build a bond between you and therapist before you delve into the real problems..
     
  4. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    disagree with seeing docs.there not there 24/7.there not a permanet solution.
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Perhaps give seeing a professional a shot and see how things go?

    By the way, i'm pretty sure your family do disagree with the notion that your useless.
     
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    What makes you think you're useless? I'm sure your wife and kids don't think this. It's most likely the depression talking. Perhaps seeing the doctor is the way to go, it can take a lot of courage to speak up about depression, but it could be the first step to you feeling better. Do you think there's anything in your life dragging you down? I mean, is there a reason why you're feeling depressed? Sometimes there isn't a reason, but if there is one when it's identified that can be a starting point. Take care of yourself. :hug:
     
  7. Scars and Memories

    Scars and Memories Account Closed

    Hey, your wife and your kids love you right? So how are you useless? You will ruin their lifes if you kill yourself. You're not a coward, you would be a coward if you actually jumped. It seems to me you have a pretty good life, I don't know why you're down but it will not last forever. So hang in there for a little bit longer. You should look for professional help like your wife did. You're asking what they're going to do if you went through with it? They're not going to move on with their lifes, you know. They'll blame themselves and they'll be scarred for life, just think about your children. That's enough reason to think a million times before you even consider ending your life.
     
  8. cctv

    cctv Guest

    thanks for all your thoughts, and i think i will make an appointment with the doc.
    however, since i posted my thoughts it seems as a huge wieght has been lifted, which in turn has made my wife and myself a whole lost closer this past week, but we're going one step at a time, rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.
    life is full of ups and downs so we're taking easy as we go.

    thanks again, and i probably keep popping up from time to time

    james
     
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