Am I wrong? Am I over reacting?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by BornFree, Apr 27, 2014.

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  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I can't stop crying, I am so torn about this and really scared of seeming like a terrible mother... I have fought so hard for both my children to have the very best chance in life at good schools, early intervention and endless upon endless hospital visits... audiology, ent, speech therapy, ot etc etc both my children are deaf and both wear hearing aids urgghh more tears and today H and DD who is only 8 and VERY impressionable come home from church with my DD not wearing her hearing aids saying she has been "healed" and doesn't need them anymore... oh god!!! I am freaking out this is a nightmare, although I'd love it if it were true I have fought too hard for too long to have him throw it away on a whim... OMG seriously... couldn't he tell her to wear her hearing aids anyway until she is 18???
    He now seriously wants to send her to school with them in her bag... oh god and what if she is just going along with this to please him... then H has her "pray" for my son to be "healed" too...
    Then H is all angry that I'm not lapping it all up and says when we got married we were both "christians"
    I am so close to ending things for us all tonight, I can't fight him I have no fight left anymore I am so scared Social Services will get involved if they think we are "neglecting" her care and schooling - I am so so p-ed at him, he can be such a jerk, ironically downright evil. Then he throws it at me that if I loved her I would be "happy" for her, its because I love her that I am scared for her, I have to type this quickly as H has gone to work, but told me he is going to come on my laptop. I can't breathe, I can't stop crying I hate him for all he puts us through. With everything happening I just can't cope with this too.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I hate this sort of evangelic crap and I am a Christian!

    Am assuming, that you and hubby are less than happy?
    He sounds very controlling and to put his child's welfare at risk is outrageous.
    Of course miracles can happen, but one doesn't just assume that they have, tests must be conducted first.
    Even miracles at Lourdes are examined by a whole bevy of people and can take up to 7 years before being confirmed as a miracle.

    If you want out of your marriage, which it kind of sounds like, have you anyone you can go to?

    And NO you are not over-reacting!
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You're not overreacting at all. I can remember being young and being told that if I believed, then my eyesight would be healed and I'd be able to see. That never happened, but kids are impressionable and will believe things like that.
  4. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Thank you Terry and WC I can't tell you how much your posts mean to me... Thank you! :hug:
    Really ill now, can't stop crying when I am alone, DD in tears last night when H said she should wear her hearing aids... but get this only "occassionally" when she feels "she needs to?"
    She was crying sobbing actually saying she doesn't want to wear them. She wants to be normal. I am heartbroken my confident little girl who accepted and wore her hearing aids confidently and without a second thought is now devastated - does not want to wear them and is now so self conscious. A part of me has died this has finished me I am having panic attacks again and not sleeping and physically ill. I am in mourning for my happy little girl who will never ever be the same again. urgghh more tears and I am becoming this angry horrid person who feels vindictive and destroyed. My marriage will never be the same again.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    She can be happy again. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, because she's so sad.

    I don't know how old she is; but I can remember, as a child, when it was first pointed out to me that I was different because I can't see. This was back before I used a white cane, probably when I was like 9 or 10 and tended to rely on my sighted friends or family as sighted guides. To me, it was normal, because that's how it had always been, and that's how I'd always been accepted.

    Then suddenly someone put a white cane in my hand and told me I had to use it to find my way around my elementary school. In my own mind, that made me stick out and look "different." I shed lots of tears and did a LOT of pouting throughout the process of accepting that cane, but I got there. I guess the main thing I had to learn was to accept myself for who I am.

    Does your daughter have any close friends she can spend some time with, friends who are comfortable enough with her to accept her for who she is, to not make an issue about the hearing aids? I remember that being something that helped me... learning to use the cane around people I knew wouldn't judge, wouldn't look at me differently and would treat me the same way they always had.
  6. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    WC... :hug: you are amazing.
    Unfortunately with all her other issues like the autism etc she doesn't have any close "normal" friends all our closer friends are friends we made at the foundation for deaf pre-school children and the other deaf childrens society. I just can't get over this devastation... all the events we normally go to seeing friends who we have known for years...
    the feeling accepted and like we belonged there, oh golly more tears. I wish I could snap out of this. Every time she says "what" "pardon" and doesn't respond when spoken too... I am shaking all the time having panic attacks and crying the minute I'm in the room alone the tears just flow.
    Oh God she is still not wearing them and cries at the mention of them. I just can't fight H anymore, I can't do everything and my life is crashing around me problems with DS's problems at college, this stupid cow of a girl told him to go kill himself. Then there's this hearing aid business, all our financial turmoil. Now we have a house inspection (we rent) on Tuesday and we need to sort the house out and hide all the business stuff. The house is dire like something from hoarders and physically and emotionally I just can't do it.
    I need all this to end before we are made homeless, I would rather die than be made homeless.
  7. Event_Horizon

    Event_Horizon SF Supporter

    Dear Bornfree this experience sounds quite terrible. You have multiple avenues of approaching the issue I will list my thoughts here.

    It seems your family has been caught up in daft evangelism. The fact your Daughter says 'what' and 'pardon' implies no healing has occurred. It may seem cruel to point that out to her and invoke tears and upset, but what is going to cause greater long term issues? Understand society is not kind to the disabled, so instilling a thicker skin now would be a wiser course of action. Wildcherry's personal experience if reflective of that.

    Although I am not of faith, within it there are often stories about burdens carried. Of being special regardless, and other things that may lend weight to greater acceptance of the need for hearing aids. Maybe you should contact AnaNg on this site, they are versed in this sort of stuff and seem quite wise on these matters. Maybe there are some specific stories you can use to make your point.

    You sound somewhat overwhelmed as a mother. You should however be proud of yourself though for fighting for your kids. That shows a strength even if it may not feel like it. Perhaps you would benefit from making use of this other site. It is called Mums net many there have disabled children and face all manner of issues similar to your own. They could likely give advice to you in a much more locally relevant way than I can. There is a special needs section on there.

    If you want professional advice that covers some of the issues you have mentioned like finances. Then you should perhaps go to your local citizen advice bureau. You can search for your local one. Get some financial advice. Many of the various agencies that hound people to oblivion operate in a manner that is not entirely legal. Knowing your rights is a major step in coping with the financial side of things and dealing with it in manageable chunks. So you have some semblance of control once more. There is help out there, don't be buried under it all alone.

    As for the mess of your home, there is kinda cleaner that you can hire they are called declutterers. They come in and intensively work on getting things in order with your direct assistance. Downside is they can be pricey but you may have to weigh up if endangering your tenancy is really a cost saving? Know you can be evicted on the grounds of the state of your property as it is part of your contractaul obligation to keep the rented space well kept. So it may be wise. Just do a search on extreme cleaners and de cluttering services.

    If strapped for cash, you could sell off some things at those quick cash shops. They are a rip off but you likely don't have much time available.

    I would like to point out that social services are not going to view you as being neglectful of your children because they do not wear hearing aids. Do you make sure they are well fed and clean and attend school? If you do that much you are low on their priority list. Unless you are already known to them for some reason?

    I hope that has proven helpful I hope you find a better state of existence does indeed exist. Unfortunately you may have to fight some more to attain it. In that I wish you renewed strength. Take care.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi sweetie. I just now read this. A bit late, to say the least. I am SO sorry your husband did this. He is so controlling and manipulative. I am sorry you all have been so effected by him. How is she doing now? Sending huge safe gentle hugs for you sweetie !!!!!!!!!!!! :hug: :arms: :hugtackles:
  9. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Hi Adam thank you so much for your kind thoughtful and profound response. It truly gave me food for thought and probably the kick up the rear and the reality check I needed. I worked so hard to sort the place out for the inspection. I can only hope we did okay.
    Flowers thank you for always being there & your kind caring soul.
    I have been so ill and this time has been and still is a nightmare after much much more fighting and the teacher of the deaf report saying her hearing loss was still the same. She is wearing the hearing aids again. After shower they were out and she kept saying pardon. So I told/ asked h if he could see that she can't hear. He just went quiet.
    I am finished now in more ways than one I tried to tidy up again so h wont have so much to sort out.
    I am so ready the pain is excruciating and I just can't bear it anymore
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