Am I wrong here?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Rhetorical question, cause I know I'm not, but regardless, my mother seems to think she was a great parent and I was a terrible child. Interesting theory, except completely ass backwards. I've had Crohn's Disease since I was probably 15 years old, or younger, and not one time did she care enough to try to help and get me to the doctor and diagnosed. It got so bad that I couldn't get the fuck up out of bed, and what did she do? Not only did she not try (or seem to care) to help, she kept pushing me to go to school and get and job even though I was in so much pain, it wasn't even tolerable most days...but still on the days that it was, I pushed myself to do what she wanted as much as I could. Needless to say, several times it didn't work out. I had to drop my classes or got dropped by the instructors because I couldn't show up because I was in pain. I was in and out of the ER about 5-6 times a year, and still left as clueless as I came in every time when it came to why this was happening because the doctors there were morons. And still despite all that, she kept pushing, and insulting me in the process, saying I could never finish anything and I was basically a failure at life. Then finally I found out I had Crohn's just this past December, thanks to my husband who did find me a good doctor and made sure I was diagnosed. I had to have surgery, and am now on Remicade and doing better. And still to this day my mom doesn't think she did anything wrong and that I'm the fuck up here. Not to mention the whole slew of mental disorders I have due to 26 years of emotional abuse. But yeah, I'm the asshole and the fuck up and you did everything right. Keep thinking that, you clueless, ignorant, bitch.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are not wrong clearly. I can very much relate to that sort "caring" an dis why i left home 30 years ago at 17 and never been back nor stayed in contact. Do not listen to ridiculous statements, even if she did not know , she did not make the effort to find out. And while I am very loathe to lay blame for somethings, I wonder if dealing with that sort of physical pain did not contribute other issues you have struggled with.

    You cannot change the past, but go forward knowing you were not to blame and being sick did not make you the bad child when never even treated properly. Make every effort to ignore avoid or whatever you need to do to leave that negativity behind and now you have got treatment and the past is the past move forward without wasting your valuable time and energy worrying about her opinions. You deserve better so treat yourself better than that.
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Sometimes parents rewrite history. My own mother has a long history of this - and most worryingly, she actually seems to genuinely believe this fictitious world she has built for herself.

    I don't think you are an asshole or a fuckup. I think you are a very bright, intelligent, articulate woman who has had a very shitty time - for whatever reason - probably as for most of us due to a combination of having a shitty start and then making some shitty decisions of our own (God knows I have made a TON of shitty decisions).

    I do not blame you for being so angry with your mother - and I believe that anger is sometimes the healthy emotion, despite all the rhetoric about being angry being bad for you etc. Anger in this situation means you know you deserve better - and you do.

    I don't really have any "advice" as its not an advice kinda situation - but in answer to your rhetorical question, no. You are not wrong.
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I try to ignore/avoid her as much as possible, but sometimes some of the shit she says is just so ridiculous, it takes every ounce of willpower I have to ignore it. She was e-mailing me the other day and sent me some link to a website, and wrote "Read this very carefully". So I click the thing and it's some weird ass dude who claims to be a faith healer, supposedly being able to heal diseases such as psoriasis, crohn's, schizophrenia, etc. Those first two, I have, so I guess she thought it would be a good idea for me to call this jerkoff, who is based out of Russia I think but claims to be able to "heal over the phone". So my first thought is are you freaking kidding me, this is ridiculous. I e-mail her back saying "Look, you know I don't believe in this sort of thing...this dude's obviously fake and trying to rip people off for their money. If you actually pay for this, you might as well just flush your money down the toilet." And she wouldn't leave it at that, she kept trying to convince me to do it. So eventually I wrote, "You know, I don't understand why you're willing to dish out a few hundred dollars for this dickhead, but when it came to me asking you to pay for my medication or doctors for my Crohn's, you know, shit that was actually 100% guaranteed to help me, you acted like a total asshole about it." She said "Well, I still did it didn't I?" Yeah, you did it. But not before you reminded me that I'm broke, jobless, and suck at life cause I can't pay for my own shit. And then she went on talking about how I've treated her like shit since I was 14. You're damn right I did, cause I realized my mother was a total bitch at 14 who expected way too much of me, and if I dared not meet those standards, even if I tried my hardest to do so, I was a complete failure in her eyes and a disappointment. Not to mention constantly called me fat and crushed my self-esteem until I was damn near on the edge of developing anoxeria. Most people would have treated you like shit earlier than 14. It just pissed me off and I couldn't hold back. Plus, she knows damn well Crohn's is treatable, but not curable and it bugs the shit out of her that I have a disease that will stay with me for the rest of my life because in her eyes that makes me imperfect, disabled, and maybe even "tainted"...wouldn't surprise me one goddamn bit. So she comes up with this ridiculous method of trying to get rid of it so that I'm not all those things anymore, even though that method is a load of crap.

    My husband, when I told him about it was like "You should tell her to call him and see if he can cure bad mothering, and if he does, then you'll believe it." Tell me about it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2015